After three months of applying abroad at last she got a piece of good news. Her agency found her employer and her employer wants quick processing of her papers. She's so happy that at last her flight is confirmed. Tired but satisfied she held her passport tight in her chest and wave a bus to bring her home.
Her eyes become wet remembering the last conversation she had with her husband but what he said did not stop her from what she thinks is better. Kids are growing and admit it or not she can feel the pressure, he is not that helpful in taking care of them. There are nights that she is crying silently out of frustration. Instead of helping her at night with the kids, he is staying with his friends until midnight.
Never in her wildest dreams that she will apply abroad but the situation pushes her to decide without turning back. She has dreams for her kids, staying at home will not give them a good future, she wants them to study and give them the best she can financially.
Her smile becomes bitter, remembering that she can not even buy a good dress for them. It is good that her relatives are generous to give their old small cloth for them to use. They are working hard on the farm but it is not enough to give all the necessary needs because they are big families.
Suddenly her eyes glow with happiness...Many are mocking her for delivering 4 kids but she doesn't care, she is happy having them. She dreams of having a son but she is unlucky to have 3 girls so she decided not to use any protection until she will have a boy. Luckily her fourth pregnancy is already boy.
His arrival gives her a lot of energy to work hard but it is not enough to provide for their needs. Their income in planting vegetables and working for others is not enough so she takes the risk to apply abroad to give them a good life.
The pain in her heart is too much thinking she will leave her kids but she needs to be strong for them... For her ...WHAT IS THE USE OF BEING ALL TOGETHER IF THEY CAN'T PROVIDE THEIR NEEDS? BE PRACTICAL AND THINK OF THEIR FUTURE.
"Miss, where will you go?" the voice of the assistant of the driver ask her that cut her from her thoughts.
Apologetic, she tells the address and pays for it. When the bus starts she close her eyes and try to sleep. It is 5 pm when she reaches their home.
"Mama"!!!!! Zean is running very fast to hug her mom when he sees her going down to the bus. Automatically her lips curl with a smile. The image of her son gives her more courage to continue dreaming for them.
After hugging her son she carries all the things and asks, "Zean where are your sisters?"
"They are all at home mom, " answered Zean as they walk towards their home. She carried and kiss him for not seeing him for two days.
It's December 3, 2010...
The hardest part of reality comes, she needs to leave her kids to her parents and husband and help her parents to provide for their needs... Her hearts bleed but she needs to control the pain so she can continue her dreams for her family.
"Kyle" she called her oldest daughter and ask her to come closer, telling her to b quiet so the others won't wake up. She is their oldest daughter born on November 5, 2001.... followed by Lexi 7 years old, Amber 5 years old, and her only son Zean 3 years old.
"Yes mom," Kyle whispers to her mother and hugs her tightly. "Kyle, while I'm away take care of your siblings, help your dad in cleaning and cooking," Jade said while hugging her daughter. At a young age, she can see her eagerness to help them in works. She voluntarily helps with house chores if she saw that she is busy with her siblings.
"Mom, do u really need to leave us? Zean is just 3 years old," and she starts crying. Jade wipe her tears and look at her husband but Joe just look away, she bit her lips and cry silently. There is no more turning back, she decided to go for them.
Joe never agreed that she will go abroad and work as a domestic helper in the middle east but she insists to go because it's the only way to earn money. They are both undergraduates and they only work on farms to earn a living. She is not like him that doesn't know how to dream high for his kids, what he can give is enough for him but for her is different, she promises herself they will never suffer what she had suffered in her younger years because of poverty.
Kissing her 4 kids one by one makes her weak, she wants to back out but her determination won.
As she closed the door she prays and hopes that all of them will b safe until the day her contract will finish and she can go home.
Joe kisses her and tells her to keep safe always and take care of herself... She smiles and hugs her husband... "I will always be safe for all of u, take care of our kids and I will try my best to save so we can build our own house," she promises.
" I will do my best to save then I will not go anywhere again, maybe we can start a small business and live together, it's hard for me to leave but it's the only way" she cried and kiss Joe repeatedly.
Saying goodbye to your kids is the most painful part of leaving,, their cries make her breathless, and the innocent looks of her 3 years old son tearing her heart.
She wipes her tears and hugs them whispering I love u all, then stands up and go towards the waiting car. As soon as she enters, the tears flow in her cheeks followed by her sobs.
she thinks if there is a good job maybe she doesn't need to go away but maybe it is her destiny to go because there is something bad going to happen that will break her into pieces.
