I opened the scrapbook my mother had made for me when I was three years old.
It was packed with family photos, which made me miss my father even more just looking at it.
As I flipped through the scrapbook's pages, I grinned to myself as I recalled. My father's memories were as new as yesterday, making it difficult for me to let go of him every day.
My father died when I was thirteen, when he took me to a location somewhere in southern California over the summer, and I had no idea it would be our last road trip together. It has been 4 years of struggling without him.
I collected all of my strength and stood up from my bunk, and placing the scrapbook on the bed beside me. Putting on some slippers as I stepped out of my room, I started walking towards the kitchen, but I came to a halt when I saw my mother applying makeup to her face in the hallway mirror.
"What are you doing?" I wondered, studying her reflection in the mirror. When she turns her head in my direction, she removes the foundation she was carrying and places it on the table in front of her.
She sent me a perplexed glance, and I returned the stare. "The usual," she says. She returns her attention to the mirror and starts applying makeup to her eyes, gently dabbing the powder onto her face.
My mother goes on dates with a bunch of dudes she met online every two weeks.
My mother has been struggling to move on from my father's death. I tried to stop her initially, but I gave up when she started to ignore everything I said, particularly when I voiced my displeasure with what she was doing. She claims she needs to forget about dad and get on with her life, and her response is to date, random men.
But it wasn't a fair answer for me. "By the way, I bought pizza," she says as soon as she's finished adding red lipstick to her lips. I leaned on the wall, my eyes fixed on the time, which reads 7:15. "Please do the laundry and wash the dishes in the sink."
I rolled my eyes as I scoffed at her comment. I say whiningly, "I'm about to go outside to see Ethan."
Ethan is my childhood best friend.
I first met him in school, back when we were still living in Pennsylvania. Jen, his mother, was a friend of my mother's. My mother and Jen introduced us, and we all ended up enjoying each other's company.
I moved out of Pennsylvania when I was seven years old, and we've been traveling to new towns and cities every year since then But then, just three years ago, my mother and I returned to Pennsylvania and agreed to stay for another three or four years. Ethan and I rekindled our relationship, and I vowed never to abandon him.
Any time I want to bring her up, he says his girlfriend is out of town or isn't getting along right now. I didn't want to fight with Ethan anymore because he wouldn't tell me her name or show me a snapshot.
"How about I pay you for doing the chores?" Mom says, catching my attention. My eyes widened as a smile forms its way to my face.
I've been trying to save money for college, but I end up saving nothing every time I try. Whenever I head out to go shopping because of a discount or to treat Ethan to something to eat, I typically end up snatching money from my bank account.
"That is actually a great deal, but I would still be going out today," I say, "But... you can count on me," I added cheekily as my mom breaks into chuckles.
I marched back up the stairs to my place, turning around on my heel. When I got upstairs, I went straight to my nightstand to unplug my phone.
Looking at the messages between Ethan and me, I smile. As I headed back down the stairs, I took my keys from the table and went to my wardrobe to get a sweatshirt.
"Don't forget about our deal," My mom says as she walked towards me as I stop at the last staircase. "What do you think?"
She was clad in a silky red gown that hugged her torso and emphasized her body's figure. She twirls around slowly as I watch her in awe,
"You look good," I say truthfully. "Please don't bring any of your dates back here again because it would be an awkward breakfast tomorrow morning," I added, making my mom laugh.
It had been two weeks since she had taken one of her dates home. Dave
or whatever his name was
was pacing around the kitchen in his underwear, which made both of us super awkward when I stepped in the kitchen and made an eye contact with him.
My mother sighs and bends in close, kissing the top of my head. "I'll be home by eleven o'clock, and I expect the chores to be completed as I just said and as we all agreed," she says, turning her heel and making her way to the front door first.
"You don't have to repeat it twice, you know," I say in an annoyed tone.
She comes to a halt in the middle of her journey and tries to turn around. "I love you," she says, rolling my eyes.
"Love you, too," I say before I watch her completely disappear out of my sight.
My phone began to ring from inside the pocket of my jeans. I read the caller ID for a second before rapidly sliding the button to answer the call, rolling my eyes at the name.
"Ethan, you are so impatient, and you know that?" I say as I put the phone on speaker mode as I placed it on the staircase, as I pull the sweatshirt towards my head to wear it.
"I know, and I hate that I am," Ethan says on the other line, making me chuckle to myself at his honesty. "I'm ordering without you," he added, sounding bored.
I grabbed my phone on the staircase and instantly made my way towards the front door. "I told you to wait!"
"I am waiting," he says. "I'm just really thirsty."
"Why don't you just tell me what you wanted to tell me instead of going out today?" Ethan whines on the other line. "You know that my time is really precious."
I walked towards the car and unlocking it, I placed my phone on the dashboard, "Precious, because you are hanging out with your girlfriend and don't have enough time to hang out with me?" I say in a bitter tone.
"You know that's not true," Ethan said.
"I'm about to leave the house now and drive towards the highway," I say as I drive out of the garage and onto the road.
I told Ethan I wanted to catch up today because I wanted to tell him something, and I decided that now would be a good time to come up to him and admit my true feelings about him instead of avoiding them.
Even if that means our relationship would be ruined due to my confession and he will look at me differently, I will embrace it.
For the very least, I won't have to continue suppressing my emotions any longer.
