AN: The first 9 chapters contain the 2nd and 3rd draft of the story. Decide if you'd rather read the 2nd or 3rd draft [has more detail] and if you'd rather read the second draft you'll have to skip all the chapters and look for the ones that say '2nd draft' in the title [minus the first 9!]
A bigger dilemma of my life happened when my gay best friend unintentionally turned me on at some random pool party. Up until that point, I'd never had the urge to do a guy or a girl for that matter. At twenty, I could honestly admit that I'd never been attracted to anyone that wasn't a movie star. I was a late bloomer to some, yet the idea of a relationship with a movie star would never happen. In that choice, I had safety from STD's, unwanted babies, and heartbreak when I selected which screen hottie would cause my delightful vibrated orgasm.
The rabbit was an all-time favorite.
"So, Ethan, I was wondering..." I started as if it were a normal conversation with anyone of my friends.
If I wasn't so comfortable around him I wouldn't be able to ask this rather uncomfortable question. Especially since I had no way of knowing how it would change our relationship in the future. Unfortunately, I was that comfortable with him.
His pine-green eyes and charcoal eyelashes fluttered as he shifted his gaze away from his book to glance at me with a raised eyebrow. "Do you plan on finishing that question?"
I shifted, suddenly wary. My light blue cotton shorts slipped higher up my thighs and I grabbed the back of my black tee, pulling the excess material behind me as an afterthought. The general effect was the material stretching across my breasts with the idea of that presenting me as a sex kitten in waiting.
That might have worked for a straight guy.
What the hell are you thinking, Cassie?
That was the thing though, I wasn't thinking, not really. To keep up with that ideal I let the words spill out. "I want you to take my virginity."
It hadn't come out a gobbled mess. Each word had been clear. I was either going to yip with joy like a new puppy or... Oh shit!
Those seven words bounced off the walls of his apartment, taunting me, teasing me with my stupidity. Saying it in my mind was a different reality to saying it out loud, and Ethan's silence made me wonder if I'd already ruined what we had.
What was I doing? How could I just say it like that?
I knew deep down our friendship was stronger than that, but my insecurities were ugly beasts. Blurting the words out had not been the best choice. I glance down at my chest and quickly released my shirt. My face flushed with humiliation. I'd even tried to make myself physically appealing to him. Two boobs and a hole between my legs kept insisting it wasn't possible to be appealing to him.
What was I thinking?
Resisting the urge to bow my burning face into my hands, I let my mortification consume me as I watched him, waiting for him to point and laugh, to tell me to get out for being so ridiculous, but all he did was blink at his paperback copy of Neverwhere, a frown creasing the sides of his full, slightly chapped, peach-colored lips. The only sign that he'd heard me was the subtle movement of his half-day stubble shadowed jaw clenching and releasing.
His tongue swiped his bottom lip before he turned his head towards me. The book in his hand flexed in his tightening grip and new tears in the binding formed.
"Cassie," he paused, his eyes lifting to the ceiling like he was searching for help on what to say. "You were there when I told you I was gay, weren't you? I mean it was five years ago, but it did happen."
It was settled. It was as simple as that for him; the end of the story. While I felt stupid for blurting out my secret desire to have sex with him, I knew this was a small hiccup to expect. That didn't stop the speed of my heart. I placed a hand over my chest and felt the pounding beneath my breast.
"Of course I was there. I know you're gay," I managed, relieved he hadn't laughed.
I knew this wasn't going to be easy. I'd thought about this for a long time, long enough to include Ethan's boyfriend—Seth—a part of the 'devirginize Cassie' mission. It had to be Ethan and if Seth came as a result then I was okay with it. Seth was like a rippling supermodel.
A piece of my curly brown hair fell onto my warming cheeks as I sighed and folded my arms across my chest. I turned my upper body towards him and leaned closer, settling inches away from his side and reiterated the truth I knew, "I know you like guys. I understand that, but I don't trust anyone else to do it. You're my best friend, Ethan. And let's be honest, at the rate I'm going I won't lose it until I'm like," I paused, my eyes rolling upwards as I pretended to do some mental math, "eighty."
He rolled his eyes and turned the rest of his body towards me, lifting his leg and settling his bum on his calf. "Don't be overdramatic. You're just picky."
It was my turn to be exasperated. "It's more than that and you know it!"
He chose not to comment on that, but he gave me a knowing look and bowed his head. "Why now? You've never cared before."
Now that I had no plans of telling him. My two main reasons were for me and me alone, at least for now.
Sharing my reasons would be way too embarrassing. The first reason: his glistening abs and a pair of black swim trunks at a pool party. My tweaked nether regions had gone into a frenzy that night and ever since, so much that wet-dreaming became ritual for me. When I realized that I truly did want him, Rational Bug came and bit my ass. 'Cassie Sandwich Fetish' haunted my sleep and wake time and it didn't take long for Seth to start appearing in my erotic dreams after that. Being hyper-sexually aware of Ethan meant the same for his significant other.
Ethan was always walking around shirtless and Seth was touchy – as in he was always touching me or Ethan. Seth's enjoyment of physical contact was borderline molestation. Maybe that was too strong of a word, but the truth is it had never bothered me before because I'd never noticed it. Now that I did notice it hot showers were a thing of the past and when those ice-cold ones didn't do the job... well, let's just say that my bank account has dwindled. Sex toys, good ones at least, are not cheap and I'd burned out three within two months.
Seth, for a gay guy, really knew how to touch me too. He would run his fingers up my bare thighs when I had shorts on or bump me from behind with his hip. He would pat my ass and make comments about my small chest... he even took a finger and pulled the neckline of my shirt down to peek inside. I wasn't a nympho, at least I didn't think so, but my sex-drive remained in warp speed and now I had to do something about it.
And then there was the second reason, one that was still a little too surreal for me to even admit. That was not the way I was going to lose my virginity, but that was also the reason Ethan and Seth needed to know about the most because I was counting their support.
"Well? Why now?" Ethan repeated his question.
I wasn't going to let the answer 'because you and your boyfriend make me horny, Ethan' slip out, but it settled on the tip of my tongue. It was the easiest answer, after all, plus it wasn't a lie.
Biting my lip, I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I want to know what it feels like. I'm tired of waiting and masturbation can only do so much."
A horrified expression crossed his face, but he shook his head quickly, his sandy blonde hair falling into his eyes. His book dropped to the floor with a thud and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Are you in love with me? Is that it?"
I slapped a hand to my chest and let my mouth drop, faking an outraged expression. I vehemently shook my head in denial. "Ethan, I'm twenty, not twelve. I just want you to stick your pole into my—"
He held a hand up; literally face-palming me, and the feel of his smooth hand brushing against my lips sent chills over my body. "Shit! Do not finish that sentence!"
I scoffed and shook his hand off reluctantly. My teeth sunk into my bottom lip when his hand, instead not touching me at all, fell to my knee. "Hey, I happen to be very sexy. Brett Carson told me that my lips are great for sucking—"
"I'll kill you," he said, his eyes darkening before his expression shifted from menacing to thoughtful. He raised an eyebrow and cleared his throat. "I didn't know Brett liked you."
I shrugged and scooted forward, forcing Ethan's hand to slip up to my thigh. My breath caught in my throat as he allowed his hand to shift with the movement. "I didn't either," I said, hoping he didn't hear the high pitch change in my voice. "And don't change the subject! I know it's me, once again, asking a lot of you, but I love you. I feel safe with you and I know you won't hurt me or be a jerk after it's done. Or worse, leave me."
His expression changed again. It was his businessman one, his emotionally cold, yet slightly piqued with interest one. Making the person it was directed at thinks they might have a chance, but not to fuck with him.
Hope kindled inside of me because I knew at that moment he was taking me seriously.
"How can you be so sure?" he asked.
"That you won't be a douche afterward, well I've known you since you were like twelve and you love me too much."
Ethan scowled and shifted further down the couch, away from me. "I love you, but I'm not deflowering you. That should go to someone you're in love with."
I clucked my tongue against the rough of my mouth making a 'tsking' noise. "Why not? We can watch gay porn to get you hard. I don't object to porn. Porn is my life!"
He flinched and patted my thigh. "I didn't need to know that."
"You know everything else about me," I mumbled, trying to keep my pout at bay. "All I want you to do is—"
He nodded with a scoff. "Is stick my pole in your—"
I held my hand up. "Okay, you're right that wasn't the best word choice."
"Ya think?"
I sighed, rolling my eyes and sweeping a hand through my hair for dramatic effect. "It's not that big a deal, Ethan."
"Oh, isn't it? In that case, let Brett do it!" Ethan lifted his hand from my thigh and crudely cradled my jaw, using his pointer finger and thumb to squeeze my lips into a forced pout. "These lips were made for sucking cock."
Surprised at his vulgar admission, my eyes widened. Ethan didn't do vulgar or even gentle dirty for that matter, at least not with me. I waited for him to release me, but his darkening gaze remained on my lips and for a moment I could swear I saw him leaning into me.
It had to be my imagination. It had to be. So I jerked my face away and faked a gag. "His hands are like meat hooks and his face looks like a very ugly bulldog."
His hand didn't resurface on my thigh, but it did rest between our knees. "Well, it's not a big deal, right?"
"Ethan!" I reached over and punched him as hard as I could, but he barely flinched.
"For argument's sake, let's say I consider this, what about Seth? Does he get a say in this? He is my boyfriend, after all."
"Well technically, since you like guys and I'm a girl, it wouldn't be cheating."
He scoffed. "That is the most retarded thing I've ever heard! You do realize that Seth's asinine fear of losing me is to you turning me straight, right?"
I frowned, stretching my legs and reaching behind me to scratch my back. "Is that even possible? Besides, he only has that fear because he's your first real boyfriend."
Ethan snorted and settled his elbows on his knees, his chin in his hands. "No, it's not possible. He may be my first boyfriend, but not my first lover. I've told him that."
I smiled. "You're such a freakin' ho."
He grunted.
"So, if it's not possible, then what's the problem? It's just sex!"
"If it was 'just sex' you wouldn't be asking me." I thought I'd lost him, but he turned his face and stared intently at me, his dark brows drawn together in serious contemplation. "Are you sure you want it to be me?"
My mouth dropped open. Was that it? Was this all it would take? I expected a lot more leg work on my part. To not seem too needy, I pretended to think about it before slowly nodding.
"You understand for me to take your virginity I have to be-um-well..." His face burned a lobster red as he stumbled over the words.
"Turned on?"
He inhaled sharply and then nodded.
"Yes. That's why I was thinking that maybe we could ask Seth to join us, or you know, there's always the porn I mentioned earlier. I'm adventurous but double penetration my first time might be a little much," I said, feeling relieved to have finally gotten the idea of Seth joining us out.
Was I dirty for wanting them both? Was it wrong?
The idea of the three of us alone and together just felt right in every way every time I thought about it. I only hope Ethan didn't think less of me for wanting that.
Ethan blinked and his lips parted. It was then I noticed the steady flush spreading across his cheeks and down to his neck. Maybe this idea was a little more intriguing to him too.
"How did I know you would say that? And you think I'm the freakin' ho?" he asked playfully.
I pouted and folded my arms across my chest. "A virgin can't be a ho." Blowing on my nails with an 'I-know-something-you-don't-know' look, I nodded. "Seth tells me things, Mr. Sub. I could be your new dom too if you want. I think I could handle a whip pretty well and how hot would I look in slutty leather?"
"Oh lord," Ethan mumbled. "Why do I put up with you?"
The corner of my mouth lifted in a smile. "Because you love me and I'm your snuggle bunny."
I bit my lip to contain my excitement. I could see it in his eyes. He'd given in. My brain grew legs and leaped with joy as he scrubbed his hands through his hair.
"Oh man," he mumbled. "I can't wait to hear what Seth has to say about this."
"He'll want to know why he can't pop my cherry."
Ethan groaned, his shoulders sagging, his face now hidden in his palms, "That's exactly what he'll say."
I patted his muscular shoulder, letting my fingers linger longer over his warm skin. "We probably won't even have to talk him into it."
+_+_+_+_+
AN: A lot of readers expressed interest in the 2nd draft over the 3rd draft and vice versa, so here is the first chapter of the 2nd draft!
01: Two boobs, a hole, and a wanted pole
A bigger dilemma of my life happened when my gay best friend unintentionally turned me on at a 'randoms' pool party. Up until that point, I'd never had the urge to do a guy, or a girl, for that matter. At twenty, I hadn't ever been attracted to anyone that wasn't a movie star. I was a late bloomer to some. To me, a relationship with a movie star would never happen, so I was safe from STD's, unwanted babies, and heartbreak when I selected which screen hottie would cause my delightful vibrated orgasm.
The rabbit was an all-time favorite.
"So, Ethan, I was wondering..." I started as if it were a normal conversation with anyone of my friends.
If I wasn't so comfortable around him I wouldn't be able to ask this rather uncomfortable question. Especially since I had no way of knowing how it would change our relationship in the future. I was that comfortable with him though.
His pine-green eyes shifted in my direction, giving me a quick once over before returning his attention to his book. "Yes?"
I shifted my light blue cotton shorts higher up my thighs and grabbed the back of my black tee, pulling the excess material behind me. I wanted the effect to be the material stretching across my breasts, presenting me as a sex kitten in waiting. I wasn't sure how it would work with a gay guy –-I'm such a liar—but it was worth a try.
And then the words spilled out, "I want you to take my virginity."
Those seven words bounced off the walls of his apartment, taunting me, teasing me with their stupidity. Saying it in my mind was a different reality to saying it out loud, and Ethan's silence was killing me.
What was I doing? How could I say it like that?
Blurting the words out had not been the best choice. I'd even tried to make myself appealing to him. Two boobs and a hole between my legs kept insisting it wasn't possible. He liked dick. Plain and simple.
What was I thinking?
Resisting the urge to hide my burning face into my hands, I let my humiliation consume me as I watched him and waited. Waited for him to point and laugh, to tell me to get out for being so ridiculous, but all he did was blink at his book, a frown creasing the sides of his peach-colored lips. He peeked at me from the corner of his eyes before he turned away, looked straight ahead with a clenched jaw, and then shifted back to stare at me again.
"Cassie, I don't need to state the obvious," he said, flexing the binding of the book, making it bend under the pressure.
It was settled. It was as simple as that for him; the end of the story. I felt stupid for blurting out my secret desire to have sex with him, but at least he hadn't laughed. I knew this wasn't going to be easy. I'd thought about this for a long time. I even began to consider making Ethan's boyfriend, Seth, a part of the 'devirginize Cassie' mission. It had to be Ethan and if Seth had to come as a result then I was okay with it. Seth was like a rippling supermodel.
A piece of my curly brown hair fell onto a pink cheek as I sighed and folded my arms across my chest. I turned my upper body towards him and leaned closer, settling inches away from his side. "I know you like guys. I understand that, but I don't trust anyone else to do it. You're my best friend, Ethan. And let's be honest, at the rate I'm going I won't lose it until I'm like," I paused, my eyes rolling upwards as I pretended to do some mental math, "eighty."
"Don't be overdramatic. Why now? You've never cared before."
I'm not gonna tell him. My two main reasons were for me and me alone.
Sharing my reasons would be way too embarrassing. His glistening abs and a pair of black swim trunks at a pool party had tweaked my nether regions so much that I'd been wet-dreaming about him for months. When I realized I wanted him, a rational bug came and bit my ass, and shortly after Seth was appearing in my erotic dreams too. 'Cassie Sandwich' fantasies haunted my sleep and wake time.
It's not my fault. And I'm not gonna tell him! He didn't need the confidence boost anyhow.
Ethan was always walking around shirtless and Seth was touchy – as in he was always touching me or Ethan. I noticed it a few weeks ago, about three months after the incident that would end up taking over my dreams, how much Seth enjoyed physical contact too. Seth would run his fingers up my bare thighs when I had shorts on or bump me from behind with his hip. He would pat my ass and make comments about my small chest... he even took a finger and pulled the neckline of my shirt down to peek inside. All the flirtations I may not have noticed, coming from a gay guy, if my sex-drive hadn't gone into warp speed.
"Well? Why now?" Ethan repeated his question.
I wasn't going to let the answer 'because you and your boyfriend make me horny, Ethan' slip out, but it settled on the tip of my tongue. Biting my lip, I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I want to know what it feels like."
A horrified expression crossed his face, but he shook his head quickly, his sandy blonde hair falling into his eyes. He clutched at the binding of his book and brought it up to his face before he spoke again. "This isn't the 'I fell in love with my gay best friend' is it?"
I slapped a hand to my chest and let my mouth drop, faking an outraged expression. I vehemently shook my head in denial. "Absolutely not, I just want you to stick your pole into my—"
He held a hand up, face-palming me. "If you finish that sentence I'll— damn! I'm getting an unwanted visual."
I scoffed. "Hey, I happen to be very sexy. Brett Carson told me that my lips are great for sucking—"
"I'll kill you," he said, his eyes darkening. He raised a thoughtful eyebrow when I kept silent. "I didn't know Brett liked you."
I shrugged. "I didn't either."
Clearly, I needed to try a different strategy. Already I let him steer me off-topic. It might've worked with Seth, Ethan's current boyfriend, but not with me.
I pouted my lips, attempting a seductive look that probably just made me look constipated. "I love you."
Ethan scowled and shifted farther down the couch, away from me. "I love you too, but I'm not deflowering you."
"Why not?"
He flinched away from my high pitched cry. "Would you stop screaming like it's the end of the world?"
"All I want you to do is—"
He nodded with a scoff. "Is stick my pole in your—"
I held my hand up. "Okay, you're right that wasn't the best word choice."
"Ya think?"
I sighed, rolling my eyes and sweeping a hand through my hair for dramatic effect. "It's not that big a deal, Ethan."
"Oh really? Then let Brett do it."
I faked a gag. "His hands are like meat hooks and his face looks like a very ugly bulldog."
"Well, it's not a big deal, right?"
"Ethan!" I reached over and punched him as hard as I could, but he barely flinched.
"For argument's sake, let's say I consider this, what about Seth? Does he get a say in this? He is my boyfriend, after all."
"Well technically, since you like guys and I'm a girl, it wouldn't really be cheating."
He scoffed. "That is the most retarded thing I've ever heard!" He heaved a sigh as he discarded his book on the floor, nudging it to the side with his foot. "You do realize that Seth is paranoid that you are gonna turn me straight."
I frowned, stretching my legs and reaching behind me to scratch my back. "Is that even possible?"
Ethan snorted and settled his elbows on his knees, his chin in his hands. "No."
I smiled. "You're such a freak."
He grunted.
"If it's not possible, then what's the problem? It's just sex!"
"If it was 'just sex' you wouldn't be asking me." I thought I'd lost him, but he turned his face, settling his cheek on his palm as he stared at me. His wheat-colored brows drawn together in serious contemplation. "Are you sure you want it to be me?"
Hell yes! I pretended to think about it for a second before I nodded slowly.
"You understand in order for me to take your virginity I have to be-um-well..." His face burned a lobster red as he stumbled over the words.
"Turned on?"
He inhaled and then nodded.
"Yes. That's why I was thinking that maybe we could ask Seth to join us," I said, feeling relieved to have finally gotten it out, hoping he doesn't think less of me for wanting this.
He blinked and his lips parted. "How did I know you would say that? And you think I'm the freak?"
Blowing on my nails with an 'I-know-something-you-don't-know' look, I nodded. "Seth tells me things, Mr. Sub. I could be your new dom. I think I could handle a whip pretty well and how hot would I look in slutty leather?"
Ethan's face flushed "Oh lord," Ethan mumbled. "Why do I put up with you?"
The corner of my mouth lifted in a smile. "Because you love me and I'm your snuggle bunny."
I could see it in his eyes. He'd given in. My brain grew legs and leaped with joy as he scrubbed his hands through his hair. "Oh man," he mumbled. "I can't wait to hear what Seth has to say about this."
"He'll want to know why he can't pop my cherry."
Ethan groaned, his shoulders sagging, his face now hidden in his palms, "That's exactly what he'll say."
I patted his muscular shoulder, letting my fingers linger longer. "We probably won't even have to talk him into it.
Chapter 2 [2nd draft]: You're not the Yoda of sex!
I'm in heaven. Foot-rub heaven.
Seth was on the floor, my leg settled in his lap as he thrust his thumb along the arch of my foot. After an eight hour shift at The Coffee Barn, I purred like a cat, pointing my toes, and arching my back at the attention. I snuggled down into the suede couch at Ethan's, sinking further into the cushions, and flung an arm across my brow, humming my pleasure.
"I'll totally pop your cherry for you, Cassie," Seth said as he applied more pressure to my heel.
"A little to the left," I mumbled and lifted my arm to peek at Ethan to see his reaction.
He was scowling at Seth and cradling the cup of iced coffee I'd brought him. "Babe, your predictability could get boring."
Seth raised an eyebrow. "I'm predictable? That's not what you said last night!"
Ethan pointed at me, completely ignoring his taunt. "She knew you'd say that. Hell, I knew you'd say it." His shoulders lifted as he inhaled and exhaled.
Only Ethan could make breathing look sexy, I thought, pretending to hide my eyes beneath my arm again, but really my eyes morphed into a hawk because I didn't want to miss a thing.
"Gorgeous, you just know me in and out," Seth said with a saucy wink. His cerulean blue eyes sparkled with mischief and he gave a sexy smirk as he reached over to rub up Ethan's thigh.
I nudged at his stilled hand with my ankle. "Just because you're groping Ethan doesn't mean you get to stop rubbing my foot," I said.
"I'll bet she's a wild cat in bed," Seth said. He had one hand still on Ethan's thigh, but the hand that had been rubbing my foot slide up my bare leg.
I smacked at his wandering hand. "Don't be dirty."
Seth snorted. "Says the girl that wants to be deflowered."
"And what I don't understand is why? Stay a virgin," Ethan said, crossing a leg over his knee, effectively blocking Seth's hand. "Once you lose it, it's gone and you can't get it back."
He was twenty-one, a whopping one year older than me, and he was talking like he was a knowledgeable old man? I wasn't asking him to do this because he was an expert. I was asking because I felt safe with him and telling me to not lose my virginity wasn't going to change my mind.
"Well, thank you, Yoda, for that insightful speech. Are you a virgin, Ethan?" I raised an eyebrow and folded my arms across my chest.
"No."
"Are you sexually active?"
Ethan's face flushed—God, he's cute. He raised his iced coffee to his lips and took a sip before speaking. "Yes."
"Daily, in fact... sometimes three times a day. In the bathroom, on the bed, in the kitchen... on the kitchen," Seth said, his grin widening with every lip nibble or nervous hand that swept through Ethan's hair. "You know, he's a screamer, Cass?"
"So you've informed me, multiple times. Just last week," I said dully.
It was true. Seth was all about the 'shock' factor and if he could put someone in an uncomfortable position he'd do it every time. Seth's frequent conversations about their sex life could have been half of the trigger to what made me notice a glistening wet Ethan that day. They're both drool-worthy, no one would deny that, but the idea that it had been Seth's fault from the beginning was there.
Why wasn't he rubbing my foot anymore? I scowled at him
"Seth, please!" I cried out, once again nudging his fingers with the tips of my toes. His large hand immediately started again.
"The point is Cassie right now. Not our sex life," Ethan said, a deep growl rumbling in his chest. "By the way," he kicked at Seth with his foot, "I want to talk to you about that!"
"About what?" Seth asked.
"About how much information you share with Cassie. Why do you do that?"
Seth smirked. "Next time I do it, be sure to watch her face."
I frowned. "What is that supposed to mean?"
Seth raised an eyebrow and tilted his head. "Has anyone ever told you your lips were made to be wrapped around a cock?"
Ethan gasped and turned his head towards me looking scandalized. "Didn't you tell me the other day that Brett said something like that to you?"
I nodded and frowned deeper. "Yeah. He did."
"That's because I'm the one that brought it to his attention," Seth said with a chuckle.
"Did you now? And why were you talking to Brett again? And about 'cocks' no less?" Ethan asked.
Brett was the type of guy that didn't care if he got it from a dog just so long as he was getting some —guys, girls, threesomes, moresomes— the drunker the better, party type of guy.
"He's right, Cass. Stay a virgin," Seth said, trying to change the subject. His sarcasm let me know he was on my side though.
"Smooth, Seth. Real smooth," I said, nudging his hand with my foot again. "Would you stop stopping? I'm in pain here!"
"I've always loved the way you beg me!" He grabbed my big toe and wiggled it.
"And what makes you two think you're qualified to tell me to stay a virgin or not? Just because you've had sex, doesn't mean you're the Yoda of it," I said.
Seth glanced at me, raising an eyebrow and turned to Ethan. It was a 'you handle this' look and I knew that I'd said something they both disagreed with.
Oh, joy. Seth, you traitor!
Ethan didn't seem to have a problem answering either as he shifted on the couch and settled against my shoulder, dropping his head next to mine. "You're right, it doesn't mean I'm 'Yoda' of sex, but I've had it, unlike you. So I know what you're asking for, something you don't fully understand. Not to mention, you're a girl. I've never had sex with a girl, but it's clear the first time for a girl versus a guy is completely different."
I frowned, ignoring most of what he said except for the part about not having sex with a girl. "How did you know you were gay if you've never had sex with a girl?" I asked. I didn't want to deviate too much from the main topic, but it niggled my curiosity bone.
Seth chuckled. "First of all, how do you know you're straight if you've never had sex with a guy? Are you battin' for girls town and don't even know it? Probably not. Plus, he's on the football team, Cass."
That wasn't really an answer.
I shrugged. "So? Lots of guys are."
Seth turned, lifted his arms up to rest over my bare thighs, and stared at me pointedly. "Think about it, hon. He's popular, he looks like a fucking sex god, he hasn't come out yet, and therefore cheerleaders are bouncing around in his face with those tight little outfits. When a male has no reaction to that but has to run into the restroom when the guys are changing in the locker room because he gets a boner, well that's a pretty damn big sign."
"That happened once and it was before you," Ethan said, his shoulders stiffening.
"You never told me about that." I scowled, drawing back my elbow to land a gentle blow to his midriff. His surprised grunt in my ear sent tingles down my spine.
"Hey," he grumbled, rubbing his stomach.
"Why didn't you ever tell me? We've been friends since kindergarten and I thought we told each other everything." I wasn't terribly upset about it, but it seemed like an important event in his life that I should've known about. He turned so that he was facing the side of my head, his body leaning towards me.
"If you remember, I didn't actually come out to you until I was fifteen. That happened when I was thirteen. Besides, you know how my family is."
I frowned. I did know how his family was and it had always been a sore spot for him. Honestly, I think if he told them he was gay they'd be fine with it, but I could see why he'd be hesitant to say anything. At his family cookouts, the guys wrestled. They called each other 'fags' and 'pussies' and went out of their way to make people laugh or feel uncomfortable. They did it with innuendoes or just a plain old beat down, but it was always in good fun. No one ever complained, except for the females when they got too rowdy. His family was all about sports too. Hunting, fishing, real manly men stuff, as I'd heard Ethan's Uncle Ted refer to them on occasion.
"They love you, Ethan, and you know what your dad would say if he found out? That he still loved you and how you got your jollies off was your business," I said, wanting to reassure him.
Seth snickered. "I'd imagine he'd want to have the talk with me too."
"The talk?" I asked curiously.
"Where he threatens me with a shovel? I'll bet he'd even pull out all the stops and include your Uncle Ted too."
I snorted and nodded enthusiastically. "He would."
"It took me fifteen years to come out to you, Cass, and you're my person. My family is just a different story," Ethan said, sounding tired and defeated.
My heart clenched at the Grey's Anatomy reference. It was another thing Ethan was 'in the closet' about. He was a Grey's Anatomy junkie. The three of us would have a crash course marathon of the last season just before the new season came out so we would be up-to-date on everything that happened. Of course, Ethan usually watched every season before that crash marathon.
"So you knew you were gay before you were born?" I asked skeptically.
Ethan shrugged. "I knew something was different when I was old enough to understand."
I pushed my bottom lip out in a pout, deciding to finally let him know his previous comment got to me. I twisted my upper body enough to reach for him, pulling him tightly to my chest. "You're my person too," I said, letting my voice crack with emotion as my arms wrapped around his neck. "That's why I want you to do this for me."
His strong arms wrapped around me but his shoulders slumped. "I love you, Cassie, and in a perfect world, I wouldn't be gay. You'd be my soul mate," he whispered into my neck. "It's just not a perfect world, but I'll try-"
"It's a perfect world because you're in it," I said back.
Seth cleared his throat and made a thumping noise against his chest. "You know, you're lucky shit like that doesn't piss me off anymore."
Feeling guilty, I pulled away. "Sorry."
In the beginning of Seth and Ethan's relationship, Seth had expressed some agitation when Ethan and I spoke to each other that way. I thought, until that day, that the way we spoke to each other was natural. I tried to distance myself out of respect for their relationship, but we all ended up being miserable, and luckily it was Seth that realized it. Seth sat me down and told me how sorry he was, that if he didn't like Ethan so much it wouldn't have bothered him. After that, the three of us became inseparable, and Seth warmed up to me fast. Seth mentioning that it used to tick him off made me feel even guiltier for making this request, but I could never trust anyone else as much as I trusted them.
Seth reached over and smacked the side of my upper thigh, causing me to squeal as the sting knocked me out of my thoughts. "Just the way you two are. I've gotten used to it. Now, let's get back on topic... sex!"
There was such seriousness to his voice that I pulled back from Ethan, resting my hands on either side of my hips. The pause that followed had me biting my bottom lip before lifting my hands and rubbing my thighs vigorously. The tension thickened as the topic of the conversation switched. I swallowed as I shifted against Ethan once again and inhaled sharply. I was turned just enough towards him that I could feel the tip of my breast brushing against his arm and every time I moved, chills shot through my body.
Gawd, I'm so dirty but talk about a crowd-pleaser.
I didn't even care that Seth had stopped rubbing my aching feet anymore and it seemed like the perfect time to ask again. "So will you?" I asked. "I mean, Seth seems to be okay with it?" I raised an eyebrow in Seth's direction, his nod confirmed it, but the indecision in Ethan's face as he glanced at Seth made my stomach hurt.
Ethan cleared his throat and bowed his head, sliding his hands up my calf, kneading gently. "I knew you were serious, but I think it's only now just sinking in."
Seth completely stopped rubbing my calf in favor of sliding his roughened fingers further up towards my thigh. My breath caught and my eyes widened as I followed his movements. "You both know I'm not completely turned off by girls," Seth added.
I held my breath at the sudden heat coursing through my stomach as Seth continued to rub in circles, going higher because I failed to stop him. I cleared my throat and paused, briefly closing my eyes as he got closer to my inner thigh. "I-I didn't know that," I whispered, wishing I could take a huge gulp of water.
"Really?" he asked with surprise. "No wonder you let me touch you so casually."
This was casual? Good lord! Now I want to know what un-casual is... I trembled with anticipation. I was being flayed alive and it was Seth's ever creeping hand doing it. My thighs slapped together, holding him still.
And it was no wonder I'd always felt regret when he stopped touching me on those 'casual' touching days. He had been trying to arouse me on purpose or at least cop a feel. I meant to let that accusation known, but the words stayed wedged in my thoughts.
"I just thought I was in a lucky situation where my boyfriend didn't care when I felt up his female best friend who, surprisingly, also didn't care. I lost my virginity to a female, just so we're all clear."
"I knew this, but where are you going with it?" Ethan asked. I felt him shift beside me, but couldn't bring myself to open my eyes wide enough to see what caused the movement.
How could anyone's brain function at a time like this anyhow? I let out an unintentional whimper as his fingertips wiggled through my clamped thighs and slipped underneath the material of my shorts.
"I'll let this happen, but only if I'm there. In fact, I want to be involved, but seeing as it's your first time and all, Cass, I would understand if you just wanted it to be Ethan," Seth said with a raspy voice.
Ethan released a breath I hadn't realized he'd been holding. My eyes popped open and I lifted my heavy-lidded gaze up to his flushed face. "What?" he asked.
He had to have known it was going this way! Seth must've said that for Ethan's benefit.
"What would be really hot is if while he popped your cherry I could fuck him from behind," Seth said in a partial joking tone. He pushed off the floor to sit on my other side, the side Ethan wasn't occupying.
My heart fluttered. I swallowed, wiggling between them both as chills ran through me. He was just as close now, almost plastered to my back and Ethan to my front, and I knew I would die from sensation overload. My skin was prickling with every breath, every shifting body part against me. I was far too sensitive and my dreams had nothing on the reality. If I died now I could consider myself almost lucky.
"Well, Cass? Would you mind?" Seth asked.
My reaction was slightly sluggish given the situation I found myself in, but since it had been something I'd thought about before it didn't take much longer to respond, "Didn't I make it clear already? Of course, I don't mind!"
---
Feel free to contact me at: gossamersilverglow@yahoo.com
