I was backstage and Yuri and I were being arranged by our Personal Assistant. I will perform. My make-up is simple, you’re not that thick. I have lip gloss on and my hair is half up. My hair color has changed. If it used to be black, now it has become ash gray.
I really didn’t want to color but Yuri took it and forced me. Then I unbuttoned my long skirt. I also adjusted my cardigan top and smiled in the mirror.
“Are you ready?” Yuri asked and I smiled and nodded.
“But before that, let’s picture first!”
I just shook my head and stood up. I just smiled as Yuri’s cellphone flashed.
“Ayan, perfect!”
Later, our Manager called me and then went to the stage. It’s my solo performance now.
When my performance ended, I immediately went down.
“You’re awesome!”
Yuri immediately approached me. Yuri has been my roommate here in France. She is simple but loves make-up stuffs. I immediately remembered Faye with him. I gasped for breath. They get to miss. How are they doing now?
I also don’t receive much of their calls or texts. I think that’s also the way for me to forget that before. I want to start again but not that way anymore. I just finished performing. I made the right decision to accept their offer three years ago.
At first, I was scared because I didn’t know the people here. Fortunately, I saw Yuri who is also from the Philippines.
“Are you with me?” Yuri asked and I shook my head.
“I’ll just take a taxi,” I said and he nodded and kissed me on the cheek and then left. I picked up my belongings and then hailed a taxi.
Fortunately, someone came right away so I got on board to get to my apartment right away.
“Where are you, madam?” The driver asked.
“Suivez simplement cet endroit,” I replied and he nodded and then drove off. I don’t really know how to speak French, I just taught Yuri because I know she’s already good at speaking French. He has been here for a long time.
When I arrived in front of my apartment I paid and then entered. It’s not that big for rent and it’s just right for me. There is a bedroom and a bathroom that are really for one person. I changed my clothes and then went to my study table and opened my laptop to see what was perfect.
When I scrolled through FB I immediately saw Faye’s post.
Faye Vargas
5 minutes ago • Public
Why are you ugly vi
It’s a photo of Charles and me hugging in front of a crowd. I think they were at a concert. I know they still haven’t disbanded our band .. maybe. I don’t know and I didn’t know either. I was very selfish at that time. But I know they understand me. I explained why I had to do this.
I closed my laptop and just leaned back in my chair. I want them to be together again like a happy family.
My cellphone rang so I immediately answered it without looking at the name.
[Son …]
I took a deep breath and just closed my eyes while listening to papa’s voice.
[Son, I know you’re still mad at me. But I hope you go home .. you’ve been there for almost three years. You didn’t even say where you were.]
When I opened my eyes, there were tears.
[Son … are you still there?]
“O-I’m okay .. I still have work to do.” And then I turned off the call and my tears continued to flow.
Why is it so hard to forgive? Why the difficulty … difficulty?
I would have gone to the kitchen when I had a shed. The papers were scattered and while I was picking them up I saw something stop me.
That was Khalil’s gift to me when we were still together. The unsolved cases that I haven’t finished until now. I sat on the floor and opened it.
I answered the others because they were just basic but I let the poor ones first.
I wrote this when we were still in college until now. Just increased. The trouble is, I don’t know why I like you. There are many women who could wish that it was even more possible but why you?
Hi, I’m back. It’s been a while. I’m corny. But let it go, maybe that’s how it is when you’re in love. Since we are mutual, I will give it to you as my gift. A temporary gift, actually. You will return it to me when you have answered.
For the last question, why me?
I woke up early because I needed to meet Yuri. We both have rehearsals.
I took a shower and wore a square collar midi dress. I just did a half up, half down hairstyle and put a ribbon on my tie.
I fixed my bangs up to my cheeks and I just sinide them. I just wore flat shoes because I don’t like heels when I don’t need them. When I arrived at the location where Yuri and I would meet, I found her there immediately.
“Hey! It’s good that you arrived, let’s have breakfast?” I just nodded in response. Tambayan na namin ang kainan na ‘to. Sometimes here we spend time especially when we want to practice a song.
“What did you think?” I asked more and took out my notebook. Usually I list our ideas.
“Hmm, I’m still thinking because we have a guess. We need to be good because it’s good, eh,” he said while drinking coffee and I nodded.
“It seems like it’s just now again, ah?” I’m still wondering the question. “Yeah, I hope it’s a boy for me to join,” he joked so I laughed. No boyfriend since birth because he is. How can they get along, he really wants his ideal.
After we ate he suggested songs of the same genre and same mood that we could sing.
“I just thought of something,” he said and raised my two eyebrows and just waited for what he would say.
“What if we add more poems? Aren’t you good there? It’s easy!” He insisted and I averted my eyes. I stopped writing poetry a long time ago. I just remember him.
“I-I don’t know anymore,” I replied to him and just drank coffee but he sniffed.
“I know when you’re interested in something, it can’t be removed from you right away. And then just try so you don’t come back consciously,” he said with a wink and I didn’t say a word.
We finished at two o’clock so I just got home at three o’clock in the afternoon.
When I got home, I immediately picked up the papers hidden in the box under my bed. The poems I made before are all hidden there .. with him.
There are a few I read again there. If I used to read this, it would be fun but now .. not anymore. I got a new correspondence and sat down to think of a poem I was going to write. I was going to write but I let go of my ballpoint pen when something came to my mind.
‘By the time I write a poem .. the past will haunt me again.’
Napapikit ako. I remembered what I had said to myself before. I took a deep breath and looked at the paper that had no letter yet. I was swallowed, can I? Can I cope if I don’t want to?
Yuri and I are getting ready. He was fixing me because we were going to perform. We will be the first before the guest. We don’t know who they are but all we know is that they are a band. It is said that it also came from France.
“Are you ready?” Yuri asked and I nodded. I took my guitar and said it on my shoulder and then we just waited for time.
We were backstage while waiting. We heard the people shouting. Yuri and I always duet so we met as twins.
“Let’s now all welcome, Yuri and Gwen!” Yuri and I smiled before going on stage. As soon as we stepped on the stage, people started shouting. They even have their own banners and are heartwarming.
“Ahh .. for today, before we sing, we just want to share our poems. It’s actually made by Gwen, she loves to write a poetry. A trivia, guys, she always do a spoken poetry in the Philippines,” he said. By Yuri and I just smiled at the audience.
“Let’s start!”
