I'm Anna, 15 years old and, I'm a girl
yeah:>
Year back 2018, I was a Freshmen student and I did not know that I became a people-pleaser, 'cause I'm not aware what's my personal status at that age of mine. Pleasing others, making others laugh become one of my routine. Perhaps, you're thinking why did I do that. It's because I'm scared to be alone, even though I can feel that I'm alone
ya know, someone's w/ you but you feel alone.
Then my Sophomore year comes, I decided to transfer to new school because at that time I felt drained and I want and also need a new environment. Then it happened, I tranfred to a new school successfully.
First day of school, my anxiety attacks me really hard because I'm afraid what if someone would not like me, what if I experience bullying again
I'm a victim of bullying since I'm on grade 3
.
After several minutes, I arrived in my new school
scared feeling
.
I enter the room and the some students or all of the students stare at me and I stopped
'cause I felt uncomfortable
, then smile at them.
Suddenly there's a guy who yelled at me and welcomed me
he's running for president, he wants to get my vote that's why he did that
.
Then me, I tried to vibe with him so I treat him like we're clode friends
but we're not
.
After a month, I became "friends" with the half of my section. I became friends with them through pleasing them. I thought pleasing others will not affect me negatively, but it made me broken
you'll read it in the future
.
At the monthe of August, I met someone through chatting and I fell for him
yeah I'm easy to get
. We became together for 3-4 months, we broke up because my parents did not allow me to have boyfriend
"too early they said.
In my Sophomore year, what I got from my classmated and to the "friends" that I thought were true is: they are attacking my weaknesses, attacking my insecurity throught their painful jokes, rejection, outcast, wounds, pain, ignored, enderestimated.
That's how they treated me
Then when quarantine came, I'm chatting then I realized that almost all of them are just because they need something. It broked and hurt me.
I cried because of it for 1-4 months
or more than that
.
Inside that months, I just cried and I reached the point where I looked low, unworthy, ugly to myself, I hated myself.
I'm broken
into little pieces
, wounded, physically weak because of the feeling that I felt, etc.
But the day comes...
