Benedict is just standing there while Isha, counting their sales. They start cleaning a little by little for another hour and a half before they close.
Unexpectedly, another customer entered at this hour. They rarely have customers minutes before closing time. The woman went straight to the counter and ordered.
“PST… You take the order.” Isha signaled Benedict.
Benedict greeted the customer who is used to be a regular patron of their shop.
“Good evening! May I take your order?” Good job, Benedict said to himself in his mind.
He is nervous but immediately takes back his composure when he noticed that the customer in front of him seems to be in deep thought.
“Coffee caramel miss, for one ?” Benedict confirms inquiringly since he is already familiar with this customer's usual order.
He gazed at her curiously What's wrong with her? He worriedly asked himself.
“Two coffees please!” She can't still find her words.
She has someone with her. Where is her friend? Maybe they have a plan to go somewhere else later. Is her friend a girl?
Different things playing in Benedict's mind.
“Coffee caramel for two miss? " He asks.
“No, one caramel and black coffee without sugar.” She has a changed with her order.
He thinks there is a problem with Jessica today. She loves coffee caramel or at least any with milk or coffee creamer, but black coffee is a big no. Then without sugar. She never likes her coffee plain and black.
“Take out or dine in?” He tries to smile at her, but Jessica seems not to notice and is still in deep thought.
“Dine-in.” She answered absent-mindedly.
“Alright miss!” He flashes a big smile and tried to act cheerful in an attempt to improve the mood.
''I have to see who's with her.” He whispered to himself.
“I'll prepare your orders in a while. Please proceed to the cashier for your receipt.”
“Your orders will deliver to your table. Thank you!” Isha the cashier happily assisted her.
Done paying she took a seat first and her eyes become lifeless again. After a few minutes, Benedict comes with the order.
“Here's your coffee miss.” He placed it on the table.
“Thank you!” She looked up at him as he bent down to arrange the order on the table. She forced a smile despite the sadness reflecting in her eyes. Benedict nodded and smile but, before turning back, he noticed that Jessica opened the cup with the black coffee. There's something wrong with her today.
Jessica was restless while waiting for that person she often had coffee with together in that café. She would hold the cup of coffee and feels the heat coming from it. The heat emitting from the cup makes her calm a little. Jessica's chest is getting heavy. It feels like she is choking from something that wants to come out of her throat. Her stomach tightened. Something seems to be blocking it. She closed her eyes, trying to calm down, while unaware that someone was looking and observing her from afar.
Jessica turned around and looked to the café entrance, and then she saw the person she's been waiting for, entering the Café, stand there for a while looking around for someone and soon the man's eyes stopped in her direction. He is now walking towards her, but why it seemed to be slow-motion? Spear smile widely, so excitedly as he gets closer to her, that makes Jessica now feeling stiff in her seat. He bent a little when he gets closer to her and quickly gave her a peck on the lips. Unprepared, Jessica gets lost a little, so she couldn't react immediately.
After some time, she gathered herself, not to wait for him to speak, and offered him to occupy the opposite seat. Spear not having an idea about her thoughts take the seat beside her instead of the front seat. Spear smiled at her again, which made Jessica's heart ache even more.
“Hey, babe…don't you missed me?” Spear holds Jessica's hands and squeezed them lightly to get her full attention.
He suddenly stood up and invited her to leave the place and go somewhere else to do the things he is looking forward to whenever they are together.
“Come on babe… let's have a good time somewhere else.” He keeps urging her to leave.
Contrary to his expectations, Jessica knew what others are thinking whenever they meet, but Spear is always pretending clueless and thinks that it's just okay for her; like how he is acting clueless about her indifference now. He is holding her hand on the table and squeezing it lightly. Jessica didn't hear what he's telling her because she's in pain now, seeing how he reacted.
When she gets back at herself, Jessica takes back her hand and Spear smiles slowly disappeared. It was replaced by a wrinkled lines between his thick eyebrows. Jessica knows that Spear understands the reason she is acting indifferently today. Spear is just trying to ignore Jessica's mood to change the topic in hope that he could change her mind. Spear is wrong because it is not as simple as what he thinks about it. Now she grabbed the coffee and then sipped a few times before placing it down the table before talking.
Spear grab Jessica's hand to make her look at him.
“Wifey…” the sound of his voice is tender and stealing her attention.
She felt his hand move again and squeezed her hands which is cold. His palm is warm, it envelops her little hand, but surprisingly, she didn't feel even the slightest emotion when Spear take her hand to his.
Jessica can't believe that Spear would pretend that he have no idea of what's happening to her.
“Spear, let's stop this!” She said angrily after withdrawing her hand from him. She could see his harden expression that easily disappeared.
“Wifey, what are you saying I can't understand!” Spear still tries to hold her, now he's holding her face closely and looking into her eyes.
Her eyes started to water. She's staring at him trying to search for the truth in his words in which is hard to understand in their situation.
“Spear, let's break!” Jessica said directly, feeling the lump in her throat.
“My wife, no. We are never going to break up!” This time, he holds Jessica in his embrace tightly, which makes her cry in frustration and sadness.
“Spear, please! Stop making it hard for me anymore.” Jessica's voice started to crack, and she is just preventing herself to have a total breakdown. Jessica promised herself that she will end this with dignity in front of him.
Spear doesn't want to give up “Jessica, believe me. I love you so much.” He said, still holding her.
She stops resisting in his embrace. Believing she gave up, Spear slowly loosens his embrace and look at her eyes. Spear's heart skipped a beat when he found out she's looking at him without any emotion at all. Jessica's eyes are now reddened and full of tears, but it's void of any emotion. No one would be able to read what is written in her eyes now. There is no love on it, no compassion, and even pain can't be seen it's full of coldness.
Jessica wanted to say all the remorse she had throughout their relationship. She wanted to hurt Spear physically, but seeing him like this makes her changed mind. Jessica just wants to totally shut him down from explaining himself to her because it's all useless.
“Spear, four years. Four years that I've been alone in this relationship.” She wiped all her tears with her hands like she doesn't care even she's hurting.
Jessica wanted to pour out all her resentment, towards how she let herself being treated by Spear like an object, that he could have whenever he wants and left alone right after using it. She can't even talk it out. It hurts so much that she end up clinging to him more and comes back to him every time he convinced her. She regarded having him in relationship with her as the only thing that could dictate her happiness, even she's not feeling a bit of happiness with him.
Jessica hates Spear for pursuing her, promising love and care, only to cheat on her the next day after they officially confirmed their relationship. Spear only says, if only he met her first.
So, that was it? What a great explanation.
Spear asked for her trust and Jessica gave it fully because he acted so real and sincere, but he doesn't even want to prove it now that his ex-girlfriend is back. He did not even formally break up with her after that day. Spear left without personaly saying goodbye to her. He left her clueless of what is happening and act like they are in a normal relationship.
Jessica is in so much pain now that she can hardly hear her own voice in front of him.
“My wife, we're okay. We're not fighting. Why are you acting like that?” Spear asks like he knows nothing about the real reason.
Jessica felt a sense of rebellion in her heart.
“Spear, if I don't break up with you, will you make it right this time?” Her chest tightened while asking this for the last time.
Still holding to a last string of hope she has for him.
“Jessica, we don't have to go this far. We don't have a problem. We're happy, aren't we? " Spear trying to convince her obviously started to get agitated.
"Happy Spear? You are happy, but what about me? You're not even acting like a boyfriend, you're just coming to me when…"Disappointment and hatred showed up in her expression.
"Jessica, you understand that we can't…” Spear mentioned her name, which meant that he is getting irritated just like every time she's trying to bring up this topic.
Jessica wished this could have destination if they will continue their relationship, but who is she going to fool? Spear doesn't even show a slight care towards their relationship. She wants Spear to feel her love. Jessica hoped that she was able to endure a little more until maybe one day Spear will be wide awake of all his mistakes and actions but even how hard Jessica try, she could not see any future with him.
Their relationship was not ordinary. Jessica never imagined in her life that one day she would be in a situation like this. Maybe the saying is true, that love is blind. She was aware of the truth that she's not the only one in his life, but she chosed to closed her eyes and ears.
“Spear, are we happy? We're happy because we pretend that there was no problem, that everything was normal.” She was being hysterical.
“Wifey, I thought you are happy with me. I thought you accepted our situation.” Pretending to be innocent Spear, acting clueless.
“Spear, happy? Do you think I'll be happy? I was able to accept, yes, but I will never understand. Be happy, no, I can not.” Tears started to fall from her eyes.
“My wife, why are you crying? My wife don't cry.” Spear shows panic and look around, afraid to get every one's attention.
“Spear, don't I even have the right to cry.” She couldn't believe him.
“My wife, I'm sorry if I'm like this.” Said Spear no other words which is more prostrating.
Spear grabbed her hand again and squeezed. Jessica is only hurting more by his actions and continued to cry.
“You know, I am blaming myself for letting you do this to me. I feel worthless because of you. Why it has to be me? Jessica's question Spear with hope for an answer.
I've changed, don't you feel that? I'm not the cheerful girl you've met.” She looked at his face, if there will be at least guilt.
Jessica was so disappointed, Spear do not even show guilt from all the things he did.
"Jessica, I don't know what I'm going to tell you right now." Jessica silently mocking herself. What would she expect?
“Spear, I want to act like a fool. I wish I could stay like that, so I can accept everything and stay in your life but what I'm feeling now is too painful. I'm full of fears every time I think about the future. Maybe one day you'll say that you're leaving me, but I know that today is no different from the day I always afraid of. I'm so tired, Spear. I feel it would be better not to be angry anymore, only because I keep asking myself why did you do this to me? What's wrong with me? I don't want to doubt myself anymore. I'm tired of hating you and her. I'm afraid that one day there will be nothing left to me aside from the anger that started to eat me and I woudnt be able to recognize myself anymore.” Jessica is sure that this is what she needed now.
Spear shoulder dropped and let go of Jessica's hand. She could see hesitant in his eyes, but there was no single explanation coming from him. Spear stood up, bend and give her one last kiss to her lips before leaving. Even for the last time, Jessica hoped that Spear will not leave like that. She hoped he would fight for her, but maybe this is the way to break all her pain.
An hour had passed, but Jessica is still looking at nowhere with her lonely eyes. What is she going to do now? She needs a fresh start but how?
Despite their situation, she built her dreams with Spear. She hoped that one day Spear will be able to see her as woman. Someone whom he could share his thoughts and plans, but finally, she realized that the problem is not other people, not Spear family and ex-girlfriend but him. He will never see her as a partner outside the four corner of walls of that room.
