I woke up this morning suffering from the same tragedy I have experienced yesterday
I pushed myself to stand to get water to drink
Why am I feeling this way? Everything is unfamiliar
Where are you mom? Where are you dad? Where are you brothers and sisters?
I stood up in front of the mirror, remembering all the happiness I had with my family
I cried out loud! And never stopped until my eyes get dried
Without any intention, I genuinely pulled out the locker and picked their pictures that were kept for a very long time
This is the day of their 10th death anniversary! And I still really miss them
I never move on since the day one until now
"Im really tired oh Lord! Why is this happening to me?"
It's been a decade and still can't handle my emotions
Many crazy ideas came up to my mind. I feel hallucinating and the only thing I see visible are darkness and blurry red
I kicked out the television and it fell down but I was not done yet. I grabbed a hammer and smashed it until it seems separated into tiny pieces
All of the sudden, I have realized that demolishing those equipment won't change the feeling I am suffering
I quickly went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife
"this life is over! I wanna see you mom, dad and siblings. This isn't my dream to be alone"
I pointed the tip of the knife into my left chest and without hesitation I stabbed my self until I felt, it touches my heart
I saw my blood spread out on the floor. I don't feel any pain now however, I feel sleepy
Slowly, I dropped and kissed the floor for the reason that
I don't have enough strength to stand
"Mom I'll see you soon, just give me a little seconds and I'll be there"
Why am I smiling? while knowing that I am close to death.
Am I crazy? I don't really feel the pain but my breathing is actually fading...
Before I totally l lost my consciousness, a guy coming from the front door was seems to be in a hurry
When I opened my eyes I saw this one guy standing in front of me
"HEY! HEY! HEY!" you are awake now, how is your feeling? It looks like you already recovered your lost energy, you know what, I am so happy to see you alive, by the way I am your neighbor"
He must be my school mate when I was in high school, what the hell is he doing here? He said my new neighbor? He must be kidding though
"hi! I want to introduce myself I am Eleazar Aaron depacho villa, I just transferred yesterday, while I am in the middle of cleaning, I heard some noises that attracted my attention so I take a look where are those sounds came from, and no mistake I saw the broken glass and tv in front of your door and got the feelings that there's something wrong so I immediately responded, I saw you lying with so much blood on the floor so I quickly called emergency hotline and then luckily we arrived early and saved you"
"Hey! Eleazar, I don't know if I will thank you for saving this life, as far as you noticed I'm trying to finish this life, you do not know what problems I am facing right now"
Eleazar was just staring at me, and seemed like he knows everything to me.
Did he knew that I already know him?
Yes, we are from the same school before, however, he never talk to me, or see me as an individual to be seen, never!
hmmmm! That's terrible, yes! he's kind of familiar in our school most especially to the girls but how come that he would know my background? Or I am just assuming that he was stalking me?
The pain and frustration changed into shyness, I started to swallow my saliva until my throat get dried
The guy that brought me here is our high school president , or maybe the best way to call him was the campus ideal man. He was so popular, who does not know him? He's the top of the class and the number one athlete in the school
I feel nervous and might kill myself right now without doing anything
What I am supposed to say now?
"can you please give me a little more time to rest here without you? Do not worry I won't do anything wrong now, I am back to my my normal mind"
"sure, but may I know what is your name please?"
What did I say? Why am I so mean to him? He helped me to survive and so he deserved respect
"my name is Aya Fontanilla Aba, now you may go out now, please?"
"Oh, I'm glad you answered that, don't be too nasty for yourself, I'm just right behind that door, if you need something just call me or probably ring the bell that I put on your right hand"
Oh, That nice guy is really tough, he even put me a bell in my right hand? But it is literally cute. Why are you smiling right now?
Yeah, stop thinking some nonsense things right now.
Oh! Lord what did I just planned? I almost killed myself, now that I am back
I realized that because of the so much sadness and bereavement I intentionally stabbed myself
Now, the pain in my heart is visible
"knock, knock! I am happy to see you Aya! this is doctor Chan, your specialist for the day, I would like to tell you that after a week of medication and observation days you are now free here, means you are recovered from the wound and your life is safe, after that, the next procedure is to proceed to your psychological doctor for your another treatment, I hope you understand "
