Looking through my thick lashes I can't help but think how perfect everything is. The sun is shining through the stained glass window of the old church casting a warmth on my face. My bridesmaids look stunning in their lavender pencil straight dresses, and my wedding gown is flawless to match. My hands sweaty and strangling the bouquet nervously, I look at my husband-to-be. He doesn't look as happy as me, in fact he looks miserable. I notice he's sweating, a pensive look across his face as his head is bowed. He rubs his forehead with a trembling hand, not making eye contact. Maybe he took a Viagra for later tonight. He took one of those a month or so back and had a similar reaction. He had a boner for forty-three hours and had to ice himself to the point of nearly having frostbite on his cock. My eyes fall to his crotch, finding it flat.
"Groom, do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health, remaining faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"
Jacob's eyes widen, his face going pale as an unreadable look crosses his face. My long white veil sticks to my face as I begin to sweat nervously. This dress is suffocating, and my feet begin to ache, cramped in these heels.
Why is he looking at me like that? My heart beats rapidly in my chest as I stare back at my fiancé. Is he going to answer? I glance over my shoulder at my maid of honor, Quinn. We met in college and have been inseparable since. She is my go-to in any situation that isn't ideal, so naturally I look to her for reassurance that my fiancé isn't about to bail on me. She nudges me to turn back around, so I do.
Still, Jacob looks at me with a lost expression, and I can't help but begin to panic.
"Jacob," I mutter between tight lips, not wanting our families to think there is a problem.
He says nothing. There is a problem.
Jep, his groomsman elbows Jacob in the side.
"I can't!" Jacob blurts, and the entire congregation gasps. "I just can't," Jacob shakes his head.
My world spins. My eyes blink rapidly. I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. What am I supposed to say?
"It's not you," he informs and I look at him with a crazed look. "I just don't love you anymore," he continues.
"How is that not me?" I burst out, and Jacob looks around like I just embarrassed him.
I clench my eyes shut, and look downward, completely mortified. I can feel everyone staring at me with their faces full of sympathy and shock, their disappointment weighing heavy on my shoulders. Deep down I feel like I knew this was coming. He wasn't around for any of the wedding planning, and today he seemed so nervous I thought he was going to call the whole thing off before we even walked down the aisle.
My broken heart sinks in my chest from the humility of it all.
He huffs and runs off down the aisle like the chicken shit he is. Why would he put me through all of this in front of everyone we love?
"You asshole!" Quinn throws her bouquet at him, missing and hitting my grandmother right in the face.
"Oh shit! I'm so sorry, Mama," Quinn rushes over to grandma to help untangle the flowers from her gray hair.
Turning to face everyone the blood drains from my face seeing their reactions. Just as I expected. Sympathy, pity, and shock laced in the depths of their eyes. Uncle Jim asleep in the back pew suddenly startles awake with a loud snort, and looks around, confused.
"What I miss?" he asks, looking around.
"Jacob just left," Aunt Cara informs him.
"I told Rae not to marry that sum-bitch! Marriage is the beginning of death!" He chuckles himself into a fit of coughs and Aunt Cara just crosses her arms fuming.
I rub at my chest, the ache too much to bear. My heart has been torn from my chest and left at the altar to bleed out. It hurts.
"What happened? What did you say to him?" Jacobs's mom appears in my line of sight. Her face flustered, and her big white floppy hat sitting haphazard on her head. She looks at me with a look of anger, demanding an explanation.
"Is there still going to be a reception, I want some beer?"
"Why is she still standing there?"
"Is she cheating on him?
"I told you she cornered him into this whole thing!"
Voices from around the room overwhelm me, the world lost to me as I take in this circus. Looking at the door where Jacob just slipped past. A piece of me hoping he'd pop his head back in and say, "Just kidding." But Jacob never was the playful type.
I turn where I'm standing finding one of my bridesmaids, Letty, with her cream colored heels off and picking flowers out of her hair.
She glances at me and shrugs. "What? I told you this was going to happen. He's a dick the size of his prick." She did tell me that. She doesn't like anyone though so I didn't listen to her. She continues to pull fake flowers from her hair, her lips pursed.
"Letty, give it a rest." Jep, the best man, suddenly appears.
"That's not what you were saying when my mouth was wrapped around your dick in the limo an hour ago!" She raises a brow, and Jep's face goes pale. My mouth falls open in shock hearing her say that.
At least someone is getting laid in this thing, because it won't be me.
I begin to cry, tears streaming down my face as my heart breaks in front of everyone. I swipe at the tears angrily, not wanting anyone to see me cry.
In a haze my mother appears, her hand resting on my shoulder gently.
"Honey, calm down, it's okay. We're going to sit down with Jacob and figure this out," she states softly.
"Rae, are you okay?" my sister Lani asks, right behind my mother.
Smelling cigarette smoke I look over my mother's head and find my father lighting a cigar in the middle of the church.
My chest feels tight, my eyes filling with unshed tears. I can't do this, I can't be here.
Grabbing the ends of my dress, I kick my stupid heels off and run down the aisle.
"Rae! Rae, wait up honey, we can fix this!" My mother rushes after me, and I run faster. She was more excited for this wedding than anyone and I can't listen to her psychobabble bullshit right now. She'll try and sit us down and mend the broken pieces of mine and Jacob's relationship. But him and I... we are done. There is no coming back from this.
Reaching the dressing room, I slam the door shut and lock it before falling to the floor in a mess of tulle and ribbon. My eyes burn from the running mascara, and I can't help but rip the damn veil out of my hair so viciously it causes my scalp to burn from the strands of hair ripping from the root.
Looking around the dressing room with multiple lit vanities there's an array of different colored lipsticks and bras thrown around. The smell of hairspray and perfume still lingering in the air. A picture perfect moment of a woman's big day.
Jacob and I have been together for a year.
At four months I moved in with him per his request.
At six months he proposed and I said yes despite us being together only a short while. I figured it's 2017, everyone is marrying early these days. He loves me, and I love him so why not?
At one year I was left at the altar with an urge to strangle him with my garter.
I should have read the signs better. Looking back, they were there. He didn't show up for cake testing, and he's been gone all hours of the night for the last two weeks.
I thought it was nerves, but in reality it was him trying to tell me he made a mistake without telling me he made one.
God this hurts. I rub at my chest that's constricting the air from my lungs.
My sadness morphing into rage, I stand and kick at a vanity.
It doesn't budge, making me even more angry. Arching a brow, I eye that fucking vanity full of makeup and fake flowers.
I press my hands against it, my face scrunches and I push with all my might until finally the damn thing tips over.
The light bulbs burst as it falls on its side, the sound music to my ears, the destruction instantly making me feel better.
Stupid vanity.
Stupid wedding.
Stupid Jacob!
I hate him. Why did he have to be such a child; A damn boy. If he wasn't ready, why didn't he say so? He doesn't love me? Why would he go through with this until the very last minute?
Makes me wonder if he ever loved me at all.
A knock sounds at the door and I sniffle the snot threatening to drip from my nose and look at the door.
"Rae, open up!" Quinn demands. Lifting myself up, I unlock it, and she shimmies in. Her red hair is down now, and she has a plate of cake in one hand with a glass of champagne in the other.
"Wow, this is the most entertaining wedding I've been to. You should see your mom and Jacob's mom yelling it out. Your mom's southern accent is coming out, and Jacob's mother's face is so full of Botox you can't tell if she's laughing or crying."
I snort and snatch the cake and glass from her hand. "Hey," she frowns, eyeing me like I'm a bitch for taking her cake and wine. Using my hands, I grab a chunk and feed it to myself as I sob hysterically.
"I need this more than you," I say around a mouthful of cake. Setting the plate down a sob wracks my body, my mouth dropping as tears stream down my face.
"This is it for me, I've hit rock bottom. Maybe I should just be a lesbian." I cry louder. I could totally love a chick the same way I could a man. I like boobs. I scrunch my face thinking about taking a nipple in my mouth, it poking me in the eye as my wife-to-be rubs them in my face.
"You can't be a lesbian babe, you're orally challenged. Remember when you kissed that guy with braces and your hair got caught in his teeth when you tried to whip it all sexy like?" Quinn informs, with a raised brow.
This isn't helping with my self-esteem, so naturally I resort to the chunk of cake right in front of me. No fork required.
Quinn hunches down and just when I think she's going to say something nice, she touches the bottom of my chin and shuts my chomping mouth.
"I love you, but right now you have a face only your mother could love," she smiles sarcastically.
I toss some cake at her and she flinches when it smacks her in the cheek.
"Bitch," she hisses, wiping the cake off her face carefully.
"You only knew the guy a year, you'll move on from this," she encourages.
Looking up at her, my hands bowed out on my side trying to keep the falling cake from landing on my dress, I pout. "It was the best year of my life," I cry louder, my eyes clenched shut and mouth open with a horrible loud wail leaving my mouth. This is not my proudest moment, I gotta say.
Jacob was my first in everything. Rebelling against my parents, quitting my dream job, love, sex, all of it.
She rolls her eyes, and pulls me into her.
"Jesus, you're a mess."
"Rae, it's me Kelly what's going on?" Jacob's aunt says on the other side of the door, her odd knocking pattern sounding like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. She was always nice to me, but I can't stand to see anyone from Jacob's side right now.
"Rae, open up, it's Mom! Why don't you and Jacob talk this out, hmm?"
"You need to go," Quinn whispers and my eyes snap to hers.
She's right, I need out of here and now. Looking around the room there is no way out aside from the locked door behind me. My eyes land on the window with just a fire escape outside, and my eyes light up. Bingo!
"You go out that window, and I'll distract them." Quinn helps me up off the floor and I hurry over to it. My heart beating a mile a minute.
I head to the window and pull it open. A rush of warm air slaps me in the face and I breathe it in. Pulling my dress up, I hike my leg over the window ledge and step out onto the fire escape. My feet greeting the hot metal, and I begin to sweat instantly with the heavy dress wrapped around me like a damn gordita.
"Runaway bride, I like your style." My head jerks to the left finding a man leaning against the building nursing a beer right outside the window of the groom's dressing room. He's tall and handsome in his black slacks and dress shirt. He has blondish hair, and a square jaw that is lined with blonde stubble. I can't help but notice he has the bluest eyes I've ever seen. I tear my gaze from his, angry with mankind right now.
"Fuck you," I mutter trying to get my other leg out of the window. I give him another glance, noticing his formal attire. He's here for the wedding but I don't recognize him, he must be on Jacob's side.
"Is he in there?" I can't help but ask, pointing toward the window he climbed from. If he is, I'll beat him with everything within reach and demand answers.
"Who? Jacob? No, he's not in there. Not sure where he is," he lifts an eyebrow.
"Yeah, sure you don't," I mumble perusing my escape. "Well, if you came to crash this wedding you're too late," I inform, and he chuckles.
My dress snags on the window, and I hurry to grab the material causing me to lose my balance and fall out of the window, landing on the unforgiving metal grate. The sound of my dress ripping makes my spine tingle.
So much for selling this on eBay.
A gust of wind blankets my backside and that's when I realize I'm mooning this handsome stranger.
Could this day get any worse?
The man runs to my side. His hands clasp mine to help me up, and I notice his palm is much larger than mine. Bigger than Jacob's too. Looking at him, his dress shirt is rolled up to his elbows, showing strong forearms. He starts trying to help me cover my ass, and my cheeks flush. His hands grabbing all over me making me flustered, I begin to slap his hands away in what looks like a bad attempt of patty cake.
Finally he steps back, looking at me with a crazed look in his face.
"You look like-"
"Hell?" I interrupt. "I know, and don't care." Pulling my gaze from his muscled arms back to the task at hand. Escaping.
I look over the ledge and swallow deep. I've never been one for heights. My stomach fills with butterflies as I slowly take a step back. Shit, how am I going to get down?
"Want some?" He lazily offers his beer. I bring my gaze back to him, noticing the gray flecks in his eyes. His stare is quite catching, gripping me from the inside out. He smiles, and my eyes fall to his full lips. They look hard, but soft all at the same time.
He shrugs his hard shoulders, and wraps his mouth around the end of the bottle. His strong throat bobbing with each sip. My brows narrow, I know for a fact I've never seen this man before. I would remember.
"Who is this man?"
His eyes widen, as he swallows a mouthful of alcohol.
I freeze. "Did I say that out loud?" I hold my hand to my lips, my filter obviously gone.
He chuckles, glancing down at his feet.
"You did. I'm Max, a friend of the groom's," he informs, looking at me from the corner of his eye.
Taking the beer, I take a big gulp, looking him over. "I'm Rae," I introduce.
"Yeah... I know," he replies coolly, not making eye contact. My brows pinch together, feelings suddenly misplaced. How can he know me, but I don't know him?
"I don't remember Jacob ever mentioning a Max," I reply rudely. What can I say, being left at the altar does things to a woman.
"I just moved back to town, but most of my friends don't tell their girlfriends about me anyway," he winks and I feel my whole abdomen tighten. He's a player, and obviously proud of it.
"Wait." Beer in my hand I point my finger at him. "Were you the guy that slept with the English teacher?"
His cheeks turn a sexy shade of pink and he looks away. Conveying that he is the culprit of teacher play at Jacob's high school. The stories I have heard about this man would make anyone blush.
The door inside the dressing room rattles, the voices of every female in the place muffled as they demand I open it.
"Shit," I mutter under my breath, my body tensing.
"Want me to get you out of here?" he questions, reading my mind. I want to tell him to take a hike, but I have no way out of here and I need to escape this disaster with what dignity I have left. I can't go home because Jacob might be there and I don't want to be alone with him. I might kill him. I can see it now, "Emotional Bride Strangles Groom with Wedding Veil" in the headline of the morning paper.
"Please?" I whisper, completely at this stranger's mercy.
Leaning down he grabs me under the knees and lifts me, throwing me over his shoulder like I weigh nothing.
"What in the hell!?" I shout, trying to gain some balance over his strong shoulder. "Put me down!" I demand.
He slaps my ass. The fluff from the dress so thick I barely notice. My eyes widen, and my mouth gapes open. Shock catching me by the tongue.
"Simmer down, Bridezilla. If you climb down this fire escape in this getup it will take us all day, Rae," he explains, my name spilling from his lips making me close my gaping mouth. It sounds exotic, foreign even. His tone of voice rough, and southern accent.
I give in, because he's right. My foot will catch in the tulle and I'll fall, breaking something for sure. I'm as clumsy as it gets.
Finally reaching the ground, he sets me on my feet, gravel cutting into my toes. I straighten my dress, looking Max over, the smell of Irish Spring lingering on my dress.
His blue eyes cut to mine, and I look away. They're so intense, as if he can see right through me and know what I'm thinking or feeling by just a simple look in my direction.
"Rae!" Max and I look up finding my mother and every other woman hanging out of the window. "Where do you think you're going!?" my mother snaps hastily.
Max fists my hand, and jogs forward. Not having a choice but to run with him, I bunch up my dress with my free hand and sprint down the block. I begin to laugh so hard I can't tell if it's out of happiness or if I'm losing my mind. My heart beats wildly against my chest and it fuels my laughter that much more. I haven't done something so risky or fun since... well, before meeting Jacob.
He slows, and I let my dress fall to my feet. Resting my hands on my hips I inhale a breath so deep I feel dizzy.
Max steps up to a blue truck, and unlocks the door for me.
Quickly I climb into the old truck as he starts it up and peels away from the curb like he stole it. My side still aching from the hard laugh.
Resting my chin on my hand I look out the window recalling why it is I haven't had a good laugh in such a long time. It was always business meetings, or high-end clients with Jacob. I was nothing but arm candy to him. To be seen, and not heard.
Closing my eyes, I realize I've slowly changed over the year to make Jacob happy. How did that happen? When did that happen? I mean I was happy if he was happy and that is all that mattered I thought. That's what being a happy couple is about right?
I was obviously wrong.
"I can hear you thinking," Max states, interrupting my thoughts. "It sounds like Dr. Phil is in the truck with us." I glance at him, noticing his square jaw and five o'clock shadow for the first time. He really is quite striking... if I didn't hate the male species right now that is. Which I do.
"More like Jerry Springer," I mutter, and his lips pull into a sexy smirk. Wiping a stray tear from my cheek I turn in my seat. Bemused by this man.
I look at him, watching his throat bob and move as he continues to chuckle at my joke.
I'm suddenly hot. Too hot. Rolling down the window, I ache for a breeze but with it being the middle of June in Nashville, Tennessee there is hardly a rush of cool air anywhere.
"You okay?" Max asks with a voice of concern. Glancing out of the corner of my eye I watch him shift the truck into the next gear. Are you okay? I'm already sick of that question.
"Do you normally ask stupid questions?" I counter, pulling at the back of my dress, I undo it and shuffle out of it. My body covered in sweat to the point it's glowing a shade of pink. Fresh air slaps against my sensitive skin nearly making me moan in relief.
"What the hell are you doing?" He looks at me like I've lost my mind as I undress from this awful monstrosity.
Maybe I have. Wouldn't any woman who was dumped on her wedding day go a little insane?
It's my wedding day I can go insane if I want to.
"I can't be in this a moment longer." I shake my head undressing. It reeks of broken dreams and what if's. I don't care if Max sees me in my corset, I need this off me now.
In fact, I don't ever want to see it again.
Crying, I rip it off and shove it out the window. It took me three weeks to find that damn dress and here I am throwing it out of a truck window. A car behind us honks as it flies into their windshield and I laugh like a crazy person.
"Jesus Christ, Rae!" He shakes his head, turning into a different lane.
"You know he was my first? It was horrible! I was lost in the throes of passion, throwing my clothes with reckless abandon and he was undressing himself politely, and folding his clothes after each piece was taken off-"
"Rae," Max interrupts, the sound of his voice conveying he doesn't need to know. But he does, he needs to know! Jacob humiliated me, and now it's his turn.
"After he fumbled around like a blind man for about five minutes he finally put it in, meanwhile one of the thirty fucking candles caught the curtains on fire. He screamed like a girl and started whacking the fire with a PILLOW! The fire department had to come put the fire out and treat him for third degree burns on his penis," I tell with pursed lips.
"Um," Max laughs, looking the other way.
"Pretty sexy for a girl's first time, wouldn't ya' say?" I laugh now, but back then I wasn't. "I wish that was the worst sex story ever, but man, Jacob really racked them up. I hated sex! " I shake my head, angry. Quinn would go on and on about her sex life, meanwhile I kept my lame sex life to myself.
"Sounds like you had sex with a boy, Rae. That will happen," Max informs, rubbing his chin.
I huff. He's probably right. Jacob was a boy.
"I can't believe I thought he loved me. I'm so stupid," I mumble against my hand as I stare out the window.
"You're not stupid. I mean, you are, because Jacob is well... Jacob... and any woman would know not to trust him. But it's not your fault." I whip my head in his direction. His tone suggesting he knows Jacob more than I do.
"What does that mean, 'he's Jacob'?" I furrow my brows feeling defensive.
"Means... I sure as hell was surprised when I was invited to his wedding." He flicks his gaze at me briefly before focusing back on the road. What else does he know about Jacob?
"Have you kept in touch with, Jacob?" I narrow my brows.
He shrugs his left shoulder looking out his window. "Here and there, when I'm not working. We've grown apart for the most part."
"Uh huh, and did he ever let on that he wasn't ready to marry me?" I ask, needing to know how all this happened. Surely if Max knows him so well Jacob would have let on something wasn't right.
Max's jaw ticks. His dark stare conveying he does know something. Something I wouldn't want to hear.
"What is it? Tell me." I lift my chin ready for the blow. "Is he cheating on me?" I word vomit and Max just gives me a look.
"By the looks of the cake smeared all over your face and hands, I'd say you can't handle a fork let alone life right now, Rae," he chuckles. I quickly pull down the sun visor to wipe off the dry icing on my cheek.
"Besides, how is anyone sure their significant other isn't screwing her nail technician, or next door neighbor?" Max informs. The use of the word her telling me we're not talking about just anyone. A silent laugh rocks my body, until I see that Max isn't joking. I swallow my laughter and clear my throat. Jesus, is Max's fiancée sleeping with the whole town?
"So are you more mad your chick is cheating, or that she was with a woman and didn't include you?" I can't help but jeer.
He looks at me with wild eyes, and just as I think I shoved my foot in my big mouth again, he smirks.
"Fuck yeah, she should have included me!" he says seriously, and I can't hold my laughter in anymore.
Biting my cheek, I observe him the way he changed from sexy stranger to someone who has or is experiencing an unfaithful lover. He sighs heavily, shifting in his seat. His demeanor conveying he's done talking.
"Where are we going?" he asks, one hand dangling over the steering wheel effortlessly.
"I don't know," I mutter, not sure. I can't go back to the wedding, and I definitely can't go back to mine and Jacob's house. I just need a moment is all." I shake my head, my eyes watering with the urge to cry. I feel Max staring at me and my head drops. I'm such a strong person, this broken girl with her makeup melting down her face isn't me. I hate it and wish nobody could see me at my worst.
The truck suddenly jerks, throwing me into the door with a sudden change of direction.
"I know a place." Max looks at me out of the corner of his eye.
The truck turns down a dirt road where trees on each side have overgrown. Their branches and bright green leaves and vines crowning over a deserted dirt road.
"Where are we?" I question nervously.
"This is my hiding place. Whenever I need to get away and... think." He lifts a shoulder. Side eyeing him, I think back to the emotion deep in his voice just moments ago. I think we both could use an escape.
The trees clear upon the end of the dirt road and what lies ahead is breathtaking and indescribable. It's a closed theme park or what used to be a small carnival. There's rides that haven't been ridden on in years, in fact, it looks like mankind hasn't stepped foot here in years. It was a small establishment. A carousel, scrambler, small Ferris wheel, and a ride with a dozen little swings surrounding it. All of them are rusted, with vines and foliage growing over it. Flowers of every color blooming, and filled with so much life I'm stuck staring at it speechless instead of noticing Max has turned the truck off.
"It takes you away from everything chaotic, replacing it with something... peaceful. I don't know," he chuckles, shaking his head as if he can't make sense of it. He rubs his chin with his fingers, before looking my way.
Reaching for the door I open it and get out wanting to see it up close. Needing to smell the beauty in its nature.
My bare feet hit the overgrown grass and I close my eyes taking in a deep breath of honeysuckle. Imagining kids laughing and the sound of carnival games zinging in the background. The imagery blinding out everything on my mind and taking me to another world.
Warm material envelopes my shoulders and my eyes pop open finding Max covered me with his dress shirt. It smells of him. Spicy and clean. He steps around me, his wife beater clinging to his sweaty back.
His shoulders are wide and strong narrowing down to a lean torso.
"How did you find this place?" I ask.
"When I was a kid my mother took me here, back when it was open. After I moved away for several years and came back I found it had been closed down. The owners had perished and had no family, the bank owns it but they haven't put it up for sale.
Reaching the swings, he grabs onto one of the rusty chains, gently jerking it back and forth.
"I'm so fucked," I whisper. Not sure where to go from here. "I lived with Jacob and worked for his father. My whole life revolved around that man. I was in vet school when I met Jacob, and I quit to work for his dad in his law firm," I confide, conflict heavy in my tone. "I hated it," I reply regretfully.
"So unfuck yourself," Max replies like it's as easy as that. A snap of the fingers and everything will just vanish.
"What does that even mean?" I ask with a silent laugh, half cry. Done with this man's cryptic speeches.
"Means, go back to the part in your life you were happy with before you fucked yourself. Unfuck it," he shrugs. "Go away, eat pineapple, and move forward," he suggests.
"Pineapple?" I ask, that part standing out to me.
"Yeah, pineapple," he clarifies. "The pineapple has a thick skin and with a spiral of spiny swords to protect its delicate inside. Much like you should do with your heart, Rae," he winks at me, before looking away. I slow blink. What he just said hits me hard, but it doesn't sound like something Max would come up with. "My grandma told me that," he says in a softer tone.
"Really? And when the time comes will you be taking your own advice?" I tilt my head to the side referring to his lapse in the truck moments before.
His face hardens, his carefree attitude turning cold.
Before Jacob... I was with Quinn. Our life nothing but our own party. I smirk. Man, we had some good times. I met Jacob at one of Quinn's parties actually. He said a buddy from work invited him and though he never attended things like that, he was just dumped and could use a new scene.
As the sun sets, it begins to darken outside. The night's cool air wafting around in an uncomfortable breeze.
Looking up, I spot the tower slide, I bet you can see downtown Nashville on the top. Fingers interlock with mine causing a fire to burn in my chest, I look down finding Max holding my hand. My eyes slowly peel up his arm until I find his fierce blue eyes looking at me.
"Let's go to the top," he suggests. I shrug, and gently pull my hand free of his. The feeling uncomfortable.
"I'm scared of heights," I admit. I didn't even get on the swings in school because I was scared of falling off. It's not even the hitting the ground part that scares me. It's that part between letting go and hitting the bottom that scares me the most.
He laughs. "You're scared of the slide?"
"It's not just a slide," I inform, my hand outstretched toward the tower of death.
"I could fall and die," I tell him seriously.
"I'm here, ain't nothing bad going to happen, Rae," he says, narrowing his brows, and call me crazy but I believe him. The strength in his voice conveying he'll protect me.
"Who do you think you are, Superman?" I laugh silently.
He jerks my hand, making me fall into him.
"If that's what it takes to get your cute little ass up that slide, then yes, I'm Superman," he breathes heavily against my mouth. I open my mouth to rebuttal but lose my breath from his nearness and push against his chest to catch my breath. Interlocking his hand with mine, he smiles knowing he won and steps away.
He leads us toward the old slide, with me reluctantly in tow.
I take a shaky step onto the first step, the rickety attraction creaking beneath my weight. One hand is gripping Max's tightly, the other white knuckling the railing.
My heart is beating in my chest so hard I feel like I can't breathe, my chest heavy and constricting not helping. As we take the steps upward I begin to tremble, the thought of yanking my hand free of Max's is overwhelming. I look behind me noticing I'm closer to the top than the bottom. It would be stupid to turn back now, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to.
"Almost there, come on Rae," Max encourages. "If you make it to the top I'll reward you with an earth shattering kiss," he says with an ego higher than this damn slide.
"More like I'm going to kill you when I make it to the top," I breathe heavily.
Finally taking the last step I walk slowly, my movements unsteady and wobbly. Max turns, grabbing my hips with a firm grip.
"Now sit down. Sitting still will help," he breathes into the back of my ear.
I nod, and quickly I sit down, and scoot to the side. My body slick with a nervous sweat.
Max sits next to me, and leans back. Quivering I look to my left and my breath catches in my throat. There's a dozen twinkly lights across the skyline.
"Fucking awesome isn't it?" Max questions, looking out.
"It's..." I can't find the words. It's way more than beautiful.
He glances over his shoulder.
"Worth it?"
"Yes!" My reply surprises me. Never would I have thought that fear would be worth a view.
"Superman is always right," he replies snarky.
I roll my eyes. "Here we go," I silently laugh.
Looking down at my lap I can't help but think why couldn't I find a guy like Max. He's funny, caring, and gorgeous. Jacob never thought twice about my fear of heights and never helped me get through them like Max just did.
"I've got to stop buying into this cliché idea that true love exists," I mutter under my breath. Max whips his head my way, forehead wrinkled like he's intrigued. "I'm setting myself up for heartache because I'm always looking for something that's not there," I continue.
"What, like Prince Charming?" Max shrugs with a look of amusement.
"Exactly," I point at him.
He shakes his head.
"Why would you want Prince Charming when you could have Superman?" Max replies casually, looking back out at the lights.
Turning my head slightly I eye him, curious if there is more to that statement than he's let on. It also makes me want to know if he was a geek growing up. The kid with his nose always stuck in a comic book.
He looks back at me, with a puzzled look. "What?"
"Nothing," I reply meekly before looking away.
"You're not the only one that falls for that Hollywood cliché of romance, Rae," Max responds. Narrowing my eyes, I look at him, my face conveying for him to keep going.
He picks at a stray string from his slacks. "Me and my fiancée moved here a few months ago to be close to my family. I just found out last week that my woman has been cheating on me. We had a big fight and I just fucking left." Shaking his head, he groans in frustration. "There is nothing worse than hearing lie after lie, and falling for it. I look at her, and fall for it every time." His words are sharp and angry, and I know how he feels.
"Do you know who she's been with?" I implore.
He scoffs. "No." His voice is firm, and I can tell he's done opening up.
"Sounds like you've been with a girl, not a woman." I flip his wisdom on him and he just looks at me like I just gave him the advice from heaven. Quickly I avert my eyes, not sure if he's pissed or thankful for that.
"I'm just going to get my shit together and become emotionally unavailable," I tell myself out loud.
"Sounds good, I'll see you at the meetings."
"Meetings?"
"Ya, the ones to help us become emotionally unavailable and more self-absorbed," he shrugs.
I laugh.
"I think you have that last one in the bag. You could teach that class." I raise a brow and he chuckles.
"You're kind of a bitch," he retorts with no shame.
"So I've been told," I purse my lips.
He grabs my hand and looks down the slide.
"Are you ready?"
My face drops, and I choke on my reply. Using his feet, he slides himself to the edge and slides forward. My hand in his, I go down beside him.
I scream so loud my throat hurts. There is no blood in my hand as I'm squeezing his so hard, and I want to close my eyes, but I can't. My heart and stomach are flying and falling all at the same time.
I have butterflies in my stomach, and feel like I'm going to be sick.
It's just like falling, but sitting.
As soon as we reach the bottom I'm frozen, my hair everywhere and my eyes wide.
Standing, Max let's go of my hand and laughs hysterically from what I'm guessing the look on my face.
I gasp, taking in a large breath of air.
"Want to go again?" Max asks.
"Fuck you!" I reply, exasperated.
I stand on weak legs and fall right into his arms. Nearly taking him down in the process, he catches me.
My hands land on his forearms, and my head slams into his hard chest. My legs a tangled mess.
Slowly I look up and find him smiling down at me.
"This is the second time you've fallen down around me Rae, if I didn't know any better I'd say I make you weak in the knees," he tells rather than asks.
Quickly I push myself off him, and right the shirt I'm wearing.
"More like throw up," I retort weakly.
Looking up at the sky it's nearly black from the sunset, and Max's phone is going off again. He picks it up and frowns before putting it back in his pocket.
"Is that Jacob?" I can't help but ask.
The way his eyes go hard I can tell it was.
"Do you want to talk to him? I can call the number back," Max asks. A piece of me wants to talk to Jacob, the heartbroken, maybe he's regretting what he did and does love me.
"No," I clip, and my tone of voice grabs Max's attention. "The start of unfucking myself is practicing that whole emotionally unavailable thing. Meaning Jacob will not be a part of my life from here on out." The words taste like vinegar as I say them, but the lift of stress off my shoulders is instantly noticeable.
"Do you have somewhere to stay?" Max asks sincerely.
Running my finger over the chipped seat of the spinning swings I inhale a breath.
"I'm going to stay at Quinn's until I can figure out my next move," I inform, hoping Quinn won't mind.
He gives a curt nod. "Right, well. Let's get you to Quinn's. It's getting dark," he suggests. I nod, knowing I can't hide here forever.
He steps in front of me, heading back to the truck. I look over the place again, remembering how at ease I am right now. If this place can go back to what it once was, finding beauty which was once taken from it. So can I.
Maybe I didn't lose anything. Maybe everything that wasn't meant to be is just being wiped from the table, and this is my chance at a fresh start.
Climbing into my seat I put my seatbelt on as Max starts the truck silently. Driving through the dark path we make it back to the main road and I point out the windshield. "Follow that road, and take a left until you reach Sugar Cane Street," I direct. The drive is quiet, the only sound to be heard is the roar of the engine and passing cars.
As soon as we pull onto the street I point at the house and he navigates that way.
"Is Quinn home?" Max ducks his head looking out the windshield for a better view. "Do you have a key even?"
"I'll climb a window if I have to. Seems to be what I'm good at today," I laugh lightly.
"Well you're shit at it, so I hope you have a key," he banters.
"There's a key under the rug," I mutter under my breath.
"Ah. Nice hiding spot," he replies sarcastically.
The truck stops, and Max turns in his seat to look at me. His arm resting along the back of the seat gracefully.
"Jacob was at my house waiting for me a couple weeks ago, said he was having second thoughts about marrying you, that he'd even been sleeping around." A lump forms in the middle of my throat hearing him verbally confirm Jacob cheated on me. "I admit it, I told him to listen to his gut when it came down to the wedding. Apparently he listened to my advice."
I scoff, shaking my head. What bothers me the most is he was having doubts weeks ago and didn't trust me enough to talk about it.
"Wow," I mutter under my breath, not sure what to say to that.
"To be honest I don't think you've lost anything today besides a lifetime of hurt, Rae," Max states, his tone soft. My head swoops in his direction, an unshed tear welling in my left eye. He grabs my chin and my mouth parts from the contact. I expected it to be hard, but it's soft and warm.
His glacier blue eyes stare into me, a storm swirling in the depths of them. They're smoldering, and intense.
Opening the truck door, I tear my gaze from his and step out. His nearness making me feel things I don't want to right now. Fuzzy, giddy, and excited.
"Want me to carry you over the threshold?" Max asks, I can't tell if he's serious or being an asshole. Turning, I lean into the window, and raise a brow.
"Carrying me off a fire escape and away from my wedding was one for the books, I think," I wink.
Inhaling a breath, I shut the door and head inside Quinn's house.
Ice cream first.
Pity party second.
Anti-male chick-flicks third.
***
