I stare at my reflection.
I run my fingers through my dark brown hair that hangs down to my waist curling at the ends to my small pale face and large open eyes that weren’t blue or green but somewhere in between the two. My nose is small and lips full with a soft rose colour.
I turn back to the pictures of my parents.
They were both fair haired, my mum had almost white blonde hair and my dad’s was only slightly darker. They both had brown eyes.
They were both tanned and athletic. They would often go on bike rides and walk forest trails and always wanted to be outside. They still dragged me along with them though it was clear I didn’t like it.
I knew I didn’t look anything like them. I had even bought it up a couple of times but they would always just laugh it off and said I was being silly. Then they would tell me stories of distant relatives who had brown hair or pale skin, all of whom I never met but the stories would calm me and make me forget.
But the older I grew the more it bothered me.
“Quinn, breakfast is ready!” Mum calls out. I quickly snap out of it and turn away from my reflection.
“There you are. We were starting to think you had slept in.” Dad says smiling up at me as he sits at the dining table reading the newspaper.
I sit down as mum hands me a plate of pancakes. She even made a smiley face out of chocolate chips.
“Thanks.” I smile grabbing my knife and fork.
“And we have a surprise for you.” My mother beams as she sits down with a mug of coffee in her hands.
“Oh.” I manage through a mouthful of pancake.
“Yes, your father and I decided that because you did so well on your midterm exams that we are going to take you to Seneca Springs for two weeks.” She grins and I groan internally.
Seneca Springs was pretty much in the middle of nowhere. It was a place where you went camping and trail walking and made fires and caught fish.
I wanted to cry.
But instead I smile and continue to shove food into my mouth so I wouldn’t be forced to explain my faux excitement.
My father chuckles softly. “We’re not going right now hun, you can slow down.”
I smile, sure I looked like a crazed animal stuffing my face.
He just laughs and shakes his head lifting up the newspaper.
“No, we won’t be going right now, obviously with school we don’t want any distractions so we will be taking you at the end of the term. So just keep up the amazing work and then you will get to enjoy its rewards.” Mum smiles.
She was always like that. Always promoting hard work and setting goals but I didn’t work this hard to get sent to the middle of nowhere so I can get attacked and eaten by bears! How is that a reward?
I nod eagerly, chewing quickly and washing down the pancakes with a glass of orange juice.
Mum looks at her watch and widens her eyes as she gulps down her coffee.
“We’re going to be late.” She says standing up quickly.
“Have a good day sweetie.” Dad says squeezing my shoulder as he walks past me and outside. “Love you both.” He calls over his shoulder before closing the door behind him.
Mum grabs her bag and keys and shoos me out the door and to the car.
She hums along to the radio as we drive. She was always smiling, always so happy. I didn’t really understand how someone could be happy all the time. I mean it wasn’t like I got depressed and was miserable but still I didn’t go around humming and smiling at everyone.
Summer break was bitter sweet, getting excited to have time away from school only to be dragged out of bed at the crack of dawn every morning and forced to do manual labour made me feel like I would be better off at school.
My mother had decided her entire garden, back and front needed a re-vamp. Every plant, shrub and flower was ripped up and replaced by something new.
My hands were still dirt stained from it.
I’m sure all the other kids would be bragging about their amazing holidays and all their exciting adventures.
I felt relieved to have an excuse now whenever my parents wanted to do something outdoorsy I could always blame homework. And it wasn’t even really lying. I did get a lot of homework thanks to the advanced classes I had been placed in.
My parents wanted me to be the best and they did that by pushing me to be better, always somehow knowing that I could do more…be more. And they were right most of the time. I didn’t struggle in any of my classes, not enough to be worried I wasn’t good enough to be in them. And it meant I would be accepted into better colleges next year which was the overall goal.
“Ok hun, have a great first day back.” Mum smiles patting my knee as she pulls up at the drop off zone.
“Thanks.” I say and hop out.
I grip the strap of my book bag and head towards the front doors.
“Quinn!” A familiar voice calls out ahead and I look up to find Abbi waving wildly.
“Hey!” She cries, crushing me in a death hug. For someone as small as me she was surprisingly strong.
“How was your summer?” She asks as we reach our lockers.
“Horrid, yours?” I ask keeping my voice light and smiling. It wasn’t as hard to smile around her. Her excitement was contagious.
She beams, her curly hair that changed colour too often to ever keep up with bounced around her heart shaped face. It was a chestnut brown with blonde tips at the moment I decided I liked this one the best.
“Amazing! My parents took me to the city. I did so much shopping I need a new closet to hold it in!” She laughs snapping her locker close.
“Sounds so much better than mine…I did gardening.” I frown and she gasps.
“Really, on your holiday?! Didn’t you tell your mum that child labour is banned?”
I laugh at her horrified expression. “It’s ok, it wasn’t too bad. I did get a lot of reading done.”
“Well that’s something at least.” She grins as we begin walking. “Have you started that new series about the boy who kills everyone he touches, it looks amazing!” She actually squeals and I can’t help but laugh. Like I said, her excitement is contagious.
“No, not yet, but let me know when you’re done it with it and I’ll give it a go.”
“Sure will.” She winks at me. “What do you have first?” She asks glancing at her timetable.
“AP Chemistry, you?” I ask double checking I had grabbed the right work book.
She groans. “Algebra with Mr Waters.” She starts dragging her feet dramatically. “Oh I hate Mr Waters, he is always picking on me.”
I hold back my laugh. “That’s just Mr Waters, I don’t think he does it personally.”
“Nu-uh!” She whines. “He has it out for me, I swear!” She pulls her books close to her chest.
“I’m sure it will be fine, besides I can help you study if you want. I had Mr Waters last year.” I say as we reach the end of the hallway where we would have to split up.
She looks at me with big doe eyes. “Really? You’re the best!” She grins before crushing me in another death hug. “See you at lunch!” She calls out as she turns on her pink ballet flats and begins skipping down the corridor.
I laugh turning down the corridor and walk to class. Oh to have even half the confidence Abbi has would be an experience I’m not sure I would enjoy.
Abbi and I had been friends since we were thirteen and someone had picked on her for wearing bright pink too-too to school. I had found her crying in the bathroom, her hair had been blonde back then, I think it was her natural colour. We stayed in the bathroom until the end of school and faked being sick together and have been friends since.
Sometimes she seemed more like my parents daughter then I did. She was always so bubbly and energetic and optimistic, perhaps slightly more dramatic then my parents but she was a teenager after all.
I reach my Chemistry class and take a seat at one of the lab tables.
I pray silently that I don’t get a horrible partner or at least one that didn’t hate me, or didn’t expect me to do all the work, just someone normal.
The room begins to fill as friends sit with friends when finally Mr McGregor comes in and drops his heavy satchel on his desk with a loud thump that makes me jump a little.
“Alright class, welcome back to AP Chemistry, I will be your teacher for the next semester.” He claps his hands suddenly making me jump again.
“Ok, let us begin in our brand new shiny workbooks.” He says turning to the chalkboard. The door opens suddenly and someone rushes through.
Of course everyone stared. The kid was late.
“Ah, we have our first tardy for the term, well done Mr Braden.” He says looking at Walker Braden as he gave a small grin and closes the door behind him. “We don’t have time for an acceptance speech Mr Braden, please take a seat.” Mr McGregor says ads, holding out his arm to the classroom.
I hold my breath scanning the room for empty seats. There weren’t any and I could tell Walker realised it as well as his eyes fell on mine.
I groan silently..
Walker Braden was not only a star athlete but an excellent student. We had shared a lot of classes last semester which was inevitable as the advanced classes weren’t all too popular.
He was also constantly surrounded by girls, cheerleaders in particular. He was tall at 6ft 2 and had broad muscular shoulders from swimming. He had dark brown hair that he kept neat and styled and large blue eyes with a straight nose and strong jaw that would make all the girls go weak in the knees.
He didn’t have that effect on me fortunately because I knew better.
He sits down beside me setting down his books as Mr McGregor begins his class.
“Well we all know how it goes, the person sitting beside you will be your partner for the next term, there will be no swapping, no trading, no complaining, begging or winging.” He exhorts as if he had run through this speech too many times.
“Seeing as it is your first day I won’t make it worse for you by assigning you homework. All I want you to do today is get to know your lab partner. I want you to forget all previous thoughts about the person next to you, all preconceived ideas. Start anew right now, who knows, you might make a new friend.” He adds.
I couldn’t help but think he was doing this because he wasn’t prepared, not because he wanted us all to be good friends.
“So...” Walker’s voice says softly and I turn to him. Forget all preconceived ideas about Walker Braden…not likely. “Quinn…”
Oh good he at least remembers my name, this wasn’t going to be awkward at all!
“Walker.” I match his tone.
The room began filling with timid conversation and I stare at my notebook, folding up the corner of the page on itself over and over.
“Did you have a good summer?” He asks sounding as awkward as all the rest which was odd considering how confident he usually was.
“Yeah it was ok. You?” I ask still folding the paper like my life depended on it.
“Not really, I had to go to a funeral.” He answers and the heartbreak in his voice tore me from my paper and forced me to look at him.
He is staring at his hands that were flicking through the pages of his workbook. His eyes are hard and sad and jaw tight like he is trying to stop himself from thinking about something.
“I’m sorry, was it someone you were close to?” This was Walker Braden, jerk of the year since 2017 but the look on his face told me whatever he was thinking about was real and he was hurting.
I couldn’t just ignore that no matter how much I hated him.
“My Uncle, I used to visit him every holiday.” A faint smile touches his face as he stares at his hands. “He died in a car accident at the start of summer.” He stops himself and I thought I saw his lip tremble for a moment but then it was straight again.
I reach out without thinking and touch his arm. “I’m so sorry.”
He turns, startled by my touch.
I pull away quickly.
“Thanks.”
I didn’t know how much an ‘I’m sorry’ could actually help someone but it felt like the right thing to do.
“Kind of a bummer on the first day back, I know, sorry I didn’t mean to blurt it out.” He gives a small forced sounding laugh.
“Don’t be sorry, it’s a big deal.”
“Thanks, you’re the first person I’ve told at school, I don’t think my friends would appreciate me being a downer.” He forces another laugh.
I was the first person he told? Why? We didn’t even like each other. But I could definitely see his type of friends not being interested. All they wanted to do was drink and party. I feel bad for him for a moment, knowing he didn’t have anyone he could talk to, but then my memory kicks in and reminds me why he doesn’t deserve my empathy.
“Don’t worry about it.” I say with more coldness then I intend.
He seems to pick up on it and sits quietly.
The minutes tick by slowly as we sit in silence. I smooth out the page of my notebook then fold it again while I sit and wait for the class to finish.
As soon as the class bell rings I scoop up my things and leave.
