The atmosphere is so audible. Gradually a tone of gentle rhythm moderately set in. One of the reason why the atmosphere inside of the church is more alive. It resounds inside that we are just about to be surrounded by angels in a comfortable touching to our soul and penetrating heart that feels like a familiar tone even without lyrics.
Tantananan
All eyes were staring. While walking to the altar, carrying a cluster of white roses and also cluster of people around in the aisle, their smiles did not flutter on the lips. While watching the viewers. That sign is pleased with what is happening. That seems like you are the star of the show today. The feeling that you two are the main character of a movie that is finally a happy ending! That is where their love story begins. Will not end.
Tantananan
Almost everyone I looked at was crying. Enjoys for two people center of the special intimate scenery. They didn't cry because they were sad but they were crying for a joy. Even at a glance is seems like a message is being sent, kind of talking. With such exuberance it's inevitable that the tears of the future spouse will flow.
Tantananan Tanan Tananan
And no matter what distance she walked, in every step closer, they still didn't break their gaze. Seems like fear that by the time one of them regains their sight, the crystal tear that forming on the corner of their eyes will drip.
But still, they only focused. Enthralled as if you are the only person here where you stand, as if you don't care about anyone around because you are only looking at one. You only look at one thing and pay attention to it. Only her.
You look at him as if you don't care what is going in the world. Because you have your own world and understand each other. And even though they aren't speaking yet and their eyes are just staring each other, it seems like you really both understand. Something like deeper and deeper as if you both have own languages, only you both get it.
That even in the corner of your brain on what's your mind, he or she still reads you. There are many messages you read about the emotions shown in their eyes. The emotional you feel the same way. The emotion that can hardly be hidden and almost mixes it up in our hearts.
As if you continue to approach dramatize slowly as walk in the middle of the bloody colored carpet to the end. Full of decorations surrounded. Scented candles are also packed on both sides, as if you are walking inside the kingdom and your future prince is waiting for you.
Suddenly, your heartbeat grows stronger, as if there's a horse were running and kicking inside your myocardium. That you can almost hear the force of its beating. As you approach, you gradually feel him even though you two haven't touched yet.
So here it is. He's now already in front of you.
He immediately goes to you when you get close and at the close of her face and eyes, his lips at her forehead smack a bit once more.
'What a sweet gesture. He's so sweet when it comes to her,' I smirked.
Then in eventually, wrapping her arms around in his arms would be the sign that they were ready to be united.
"Shaina, do you accept this man, as your spouse in hardship and comfort, in sickness and health, for the rest of your life?" the priest said after the long talk to the future couple.
While the two lovers exchanging long sweet messages and promises each other eventually, the two had finally only one answer that everyone's waited.
"Yes, Father. I do,"
In a straight away, they smiled at each other as tears welled up in their eyes and gradually their faces came closer until their lips finally touches at while as their tears finally ran down in their cheeks. Every opening of their lips for their soft sweetly whispers is the reason why their lips automatically rise, can't plaster inevitable smile. The twinkle of their eye like a star that will never imitate anyone here watching.
"Oh god, Marga! Why are you crying as if you were betrayed? You are not the one who got married so you look like a fool! Poor you, stupida!" I whispered sharply to myself.
Afraid that the person next to me might hear.
I immediately looked up to stop my tears from dripping. I'm also afraid that the beautiful make-up on my face may be damaged. I have been crying alone for several days, without anyone knowing. Because tomorrow, I will look simple again. A woman who is plain, unobtrusive and shy.
I took a deep breath to be overwhelmed by the snug feeling, but I think my heart gets heavier and heavier when I stare at the two of them kissing passionately.
Gradually, my eyes dimmed and blurred with the tears that I thought would end. The longer it lasts, the worse I feel. How long will I get used to it? How long with this ugly feeling stop me?
"They really look good together, Amiga!"
"Agree. Obviously in love each other,"
I can almost hear that almost filled their shudder happy whispers with each other here inside the church.
I also couldn't help but feel hurt and tearful at what I saw. It was as if was defeaned by the loud applause that I was watching as well. Almost feel my own chest beating with the strength of my heartbeat, but even so, I was still able to smile.
Smile, a very fake weak smile.
Fighting the pain enfeeble I feel right now, trying to be happy and keep up with people who are happy for their espousal wedding day.
I immediately secretely wiped away my tears as my best friend glanced at me, bursting into tears and looking happy as she looked at me. She's so splendidly magnificent in her pompous stunning wedding dress, for her the most handsome nobleman varying rank and status like a tycoon in the world because of the reaction I see her. It was as if she had won the jackpot in the lottery and she still had the last laugh. It seems like a dream come true.
'How I wish... How I wish that I'm the one--no! Don't think that way, Marga! Just be happy for them!" I sighed.
I enjoy watching my happy friend as she shows me the palm of her hand wearing a screaming in the luxury of her diamond ring. It almost shone in my sight even though I could only see her in the distance.
'She already has it all,'
My lips treambled as I nodded to her and weak smiled at her, signaling that I was happy for her, for them, for him. It is uproarious to watch the person in love who has both been a big part and also important in my life. With the constant shouting, clapping, vociferate utterly loudly cheering and applause for the newlywed.
'Okay. I just kept up. Get your shit together self coz from now on, you have your own life to do, Marga! You really have no chance! Your illusion is over!'
I nodded and thumbs-up to my best friend and mouthed her;
'I'm so happy for you,'
Maybe y'all wondering why I feel this way. I was actually happy for them, but I was sad for myself. The feeling is neutral. I love them both, they are now forever together. So I, I'm happy to be hurt by them.
I didn't know that even if I was wrong and I knew I would be hurt , I still continue to hope that maybe, maybe someday I can reach him in a little while. But there will be nothing more painful here it this.
They are now married.
That my hand is ready to reach him false hoping and waiting for his hand to apply and take over me and grip it tightly that I wouldn't think he wants to hold another hand and not mine. But my best friends hand.
Funny to think that I was just assuming that maybe there was really something special every time he looked at me before. That there's something the way his gaze. Though, I realized I was just imagining.
Maybe l'm just like a bridge. I just touched him for a swiftly moment just to take him to my friend. In the crazy that I thought he will finally hold my hand tightly, but I know, I'm just false hoping, daydreaming that he might catch me once I fall.
Maybe you all think that I am the most stupid woman in the world, that even though it hurts I chose to be happy for them. I just value our friendship more than my personal interest so I didn't want to become selfish.
I know. I know its hard for me this situation. As if I were in a situation of an unrequited love which only marks us and leaves us feeling pain, grief, shame, confusion and turmoil.
I just chose this and would rather just turn away than to be selfish and finally let go and turn it down even without them knowing it. This way at least for a moment maybe be a big slap to my face to realize that I no longer have to rely on. I also thought about consequences things were possible to happen in case I insist on my stupidity.
I also thought something bad could happen to us that I really don't want our destiny to get that point so even if it hurts, I'd rather just harbor the useless madness and jealousy I feel right now.
Even if it breaks my heart into pieces I just try to let it go so that I can move on forever. My most secretive jealousy is will remain undisclosed just to keep us okay and keep us happy.
I'm just one of the viewers, outcast.
Maid of honor.
Simultaneously,clapping, crying and smiling.
This is my role in life and was never star in a show. I looked at god crucified, I closed my eyes vigorously and silently prayed.
'Someday you'll be the star in a show with the person you love'
