To a lot of people boredom would drive them to do normal things, like watching television, reading a book, listening to music, cooking etc. The definition of boredom was a little different to me. It often led towards me doing a number of hazardous things. Boredom to me was like a disease that had absolutely no cure.
I looked at the naked woman in my bed.
Sarah had lovely big breasts, kind of like those women you saw in porn websites; she was a total package with a nice curvy ass and luscious pink lips. Being a commercial air pilot, women were attracted to me without me even trying and sure I'd taken full advantage of that fact. Sarah was also a good friend, but that's all she was; a friend who allowed me to fuck her every once a while.
She was sleeping face down in the pillow, her dark hair sprawled around her. I had this urge, this undying urge to wrap my hands around her neck and...
I shook the vile thoughts out of my mind, I needed to go home and write my thoughts into the diary.
I ran my hand through my hair and picked up my iPhone from the table to distract myself. It flashed twenty missed calls and twelve text messages. All of them were from home.
The time on the clock read two am in the morning, I picked up my discarded clothes and began dressing up. I decided to take a shower when I went back to my apartment because being around Sarah was proving to be dangerous.
Mom always told me to write all my thoughts down in a diary instead of acting on it; for example my impulses and my urges. I was so blunt with my speech that it scared me sometimes, I wasn't scared of what people would think of me.
I was scared that they would find out the real me.
There were two sides of Tyler Lockhart. One that I showed to people, the other that I tried to keep buried, the side of me that tried to resurface, the side that was a demon reincarnate.
I pulled the t-shirt on and began zipping up the jeans which is when I heard Sarah groan in bed. She turned around to face me, her hand raised towards me. "Come back to my bed, Captain." She drawled, grinning. She liked to tease me.
Sarah worked as a flight attendant in the same airline that employed me as a commercial air pilot. Before we'd started this 'friends with benefits' kinda relationship, I'd been discreet with what I was looking for and it sure wasn't a woman who'd want something more than that. I'd been clear from the very start that I enjoyed her company as a friend, told her she was gorgeous and would like to fuck her every now and then if she allowed me. At first Sarah had laughed and even thought I was joking, eventually she'd given in. She said it appealed to her how honest I was.
I'd never lied to Sarah. Not once. Never said I loved her, or that the friendship would be something more just because we were having sex, and she was quite understanding throughout the six months of us being friends. It would have been easier for me to look for a different woman every night, prowl around the clubs, engage in one night stands, but then I wouldn't risk getting STDs, I liked consistency, a pattern around my life.
Eat, fuck, sleep, work, repeat.
And I'd risked my professional life by practically taking my colleague to bed, not that I cared.
"I'm going back home tomorrow." I stated.
Her jolly expression turned serious, "When will you come back to London?"
"I'm not sure love." I confessed, "My family needs me."
"What happened?" she asked.
"Dad's disappeared again. Just packed and left. The Lockhart Enterprises is practically running without the CEO. If people find out that my father is missing, it would be chaos."
"You're going to take over the company?" She asked.
I gave her a nod, "I don't have a choice."
She wrapped her arms around me, her tits were pressing against my back, "Of course you have a choice, Ty, you're twenty-seven, old enough to make your own decisions. Just tell them that you won't, they can't decide your future for you." Her seductive voice had gone a notch up in frustration.
I smiled, "maybe you misunderstand me, I never once said that I don't want to be part of the company."
"What do you mean?" She asked.
I climbed out of bed and walked to the window, I stared out towards the perfect view of the Thames River and the London Eye. I was going to miss this city, the crowd and the people.
"I'd dreamed of taking over the Lockhart Enterprises one day, my journey from college to being a Captain was all because I wanted to prove to my family that I could survive without their name or wealth." I grinned, "I've proved my worth, now I need to take responsibility."
She signed, unable to understand what I was saying. "I really don't understand you at all, Ty, the things you say. You're like a Rubik's cube, and I seem to keep guessing what's going on in that head of yours."
"The bottom line, Sarah my love, is that...I'm fucking bored, and my family is giving me a chance to kill that boredom. I might as well take it."
Sarah gave me an incredulous look, and then she climbed to her feet and walked towards me in her naked glory, "Whatever you decide, I'll always be here for you."
She looked so hopeful, I tried to feel bad for what I was about to say, but unfortunately I didn't.
"I can't return your feelings, Sarah."
Her eyes were brimming with tears but she nodded, "I know. It's just that...well, I really like you a lot. I never thought I'd meet someone as sweet and honest like you. I just wish..." she trailed off.
She wiped her tears frantically, and began. "I know I shouldn't be saying this but I wish things were different between us, Ty. You don't even have to love me back, a little bit would be enough."
I stared at the strong woman before me and tried to feel bad for her.
That was the problem with me. I was detached with humans completely. Empathy, remorse, pain, love, I couldn't feel them.
Over the years, my mother had taught me how to read people, she'd told me to learn and then respond. There were only a handful of people back home who knew the real me.
The Tyler Lockhart that Sarah loved didn't even exist. The man standing before her was just a camouflage, a personality created to fool people like her. If she knew the real me; the very core of my being, she'd block my number, delete her Facebook and probably move to an isolated island, maybe even change her identity so I wouldn't find her.
"You're a nice girl. You'll find someone worthy of you." I said.
She shook her head, "I want you." She caught my face in her hands and brought my mouth down to hers in a hard kiss.
I pulled away.
"Do you still have feelings for her?" She asked even though she was quite aware of the answer.
Feelings? I didn't know what that word even meant. More like obsession. I was obsessed with a certain someone.
"Yes." I said.
She looked away, "can we at least remain friends?"
"We are friends, Sarah. We were always friends, nothing more, nothing less." I said, my tone growing harsh. It usually happened when I was going to loose it.
If Sarah was smart, she'd stop talking, dress up and leave.
Turns out she was smart, she gave me a weak smile and began dressing up. And as if this conversation hadn't even happened, she asked. "I'm thinking we should watch the new stranger things season that's coming on Netflix, and order pizza. What do you think?"
"Sure." I smiled.
We ate pizza and watched the series together. From the corner of my eye I saw Sarah's eyes filled with tears and decided to feign innocence.
"Something flew into your eye?" I asked. "Want me to blow it for you?"
"You're a heartless psychopath!" She poked me playfully.
Because she couldn't have found a better way to describe me.