I could still remember my mom and dad arguing at 2 years old I remember my mom bringing me up and down the road so I quit crying so I could go to sleep. I remember the times I had to wait on my dad to come home because he was out. I remember my first pornographic film I watched at 4 years old with my grandfather. I remember having to go to school with being diagnosed with tourette's knowing but not knowing but was going to happen to you at school. Having kids go out their way to harass upset manipulate your mind just because you were different. Having to go cry to your mom and your dad only to get shut down by your dad and him tell you to stand up for yourself. I remember leaving my house 1:30 in the morning at 9 years old walking a mile and a half knocking on Jacques window only to have a safe place to sleep. I remember being accused of every argument my parents got in. I remember my grandmother praying over me because she knew it was to difficult for a young boy to grow up so fast.
You see growing up for me was a little different than the average kid. Everyday I woke up and had this nagging in my brain telling me to twitch telling me that I wasn't good enough I was going to war every day of my life. I had good days just like everybody else and I had bad days. I never knew why kids were mean but I wanted to I thought they were just acting that way because they didn't like me the reason why they were acting the way towards me is because they didn't understand me a kid that can make 45 out of 50 free throws and when the Free throw contest. How can I kid that has trouble opening his eyes be able to be so good at something that was so difficult. But what they didn't know whenever things were ugly at the house the only thing that would help me and get my mind off of the arguing was shooting hoops shooting who was my meditation something to help forget what I seen in my life and heard in my life people have different ways of running away from their problems the one way I've learned to run away from my problems is not to run at all you have to face what you want you have to want what you want so badly that it hurts you have to sacrifice everything you've learned in life to change you have to let people go who care about you but can't care about themselves these are selfish immoral manipulative sick people who cannot control their lives because they live a lie looking back at my life back then when I was younger and my life now my world has changed 360 if you asking how it changed let me tell you never give up. Through all of these trials in life at 18 I use weed for the first time in my life to run away from my problems yes it entertained me to an extent to where I was so numb I had no heart or no feelings things were easier with no feelings but looking back I wish I would have felt them feelings turn the table 20 years old go to a party ecstasy is around me evil spirits I can feel them I immediately felt like I was going to die in the house party I was watching people fall out watching people's eyes roll back in their heads and I knew my heart couldn't take seen it anymore I called my dad to come get me thinking that he would be proud of me cuz I call him and come cuz I didn't want to be involved in a party well let's just say he was the life of the party when he showed up and then whenever we left I got my ass chewed out why is it that people use other people to gain false humbleness. These people I see now are lost they are closed-minded. Fast forward 6 years. Imagine meeting the love of your life everything you wanting a woman everything you've ever asked God for and that person who you trust with your life stabs you in the back I found out that 2 years into us being together she was cheating on me for 8 months behind my back and we had a kid together why lie why make things hard sometimes people get scared sometimes people just want to run away from their problems sometimes people just have enough just remember whenever you have enough there's always a new start. Use that anger use everything you've learned to benefit you leave the jackals alone the only thing they're here for just to throw you off your game live the life of a lion live the life of the warrior it took me a long time to learn how to stand up for myself but whenever I did it seem like everybody was confused when I spoke because that wasn't me it was the new me a lot of people don't like the new me because I've learned through wisdom in life you have to take chances and be blunt to people because the person you are speaking to might just need to hear something that they don't want to hear and without you telling them who else will. You see I never had anybody reach out to me I was always that person to want to be reached out to but it never happened until I reached out. Whenever I was using I wish I had somebody to talk to I wish I had that mentor I could run to in my eyes and in my heart I felt like I was dead makes you think if you really died or not Resurrection is being reborn through the spirit in my world LOL it gets a little funny because God explains to me everything he lets me see the good and the bad and people and leaves it up to me to choose to stay in the situation.
In my world I see angels. At my lowest point in life I wrote me a letter to God asking him to watch over my family the very next morning someone who didn't know me came up to me and told me my family would be okay in my letter to God I asked God to watch over my family why was I chosen that day why did he pick me to see the light he chose me because I made that step I reached out to him all we have to do is reach out no matter what circumstance or situation you are in b i ble basic information before leaving Earth it talks about in the Bible everything we need to know to live life the right way wouldn't you want to know the basic information before leaving Earth wouldn't you want to know where you came from and who is your creator. You see I chose to start the story off on a bad side I wanted to reflect my life so y'all could see it today I don't live for yesterday today I live for tomorrow if you live for tomorrow you will make the first positive step and progressing into a positive thinker.
Positive thinking isn't just thinking positive it's making the steps writing down your mistakes so you don't forget writing down that you are perfectly created by God every morning to remind yourself how special you are if I'm talking so positive there's no reason why you shouldn't be all the things that I've been through in my life I finally see why God chose me to stay he is using me day and day night and night in the front line of the spiritual war it says if you shall only fear God what is there to fear fear by itself is false is fake God gave us enough strength to do away with fear and gain integrity to speak up using my knowledge today and writing this down something told me to download this app tonight and to let y'all know what I've been through in my life and where I stand I know I don't have periods or commas but I thought I should keep it raw for my first publication if you have any answers or questions after reading this don't hesitate to like or comment again I'm not a writer I'm just trying to express my gratitude for the man that saved me from hell all the power all the love goes to you if you are beating this all the power all the glory all the love of God is on your side my accomplishments in my life I became quarterback of my football team with tourette's I was all State baseball player with a 3.57 average I pitched played first played second you see these are all adversities that I've overcame through my mental illness I've learned how to accept who I am I've learned how to love again it is only through loving yourselve you can find peace and happiness if you are waiting on somebody else to make you happy you might as well just throw in the towel and see if I forfeit it's not only the poor the struggle it's the rich too the more money you have the more it controls you and the more people try to control you this is my first publication writing that I've ever done and I hope you'll get something out of this because I've opened up not for me but for y'all if you are quiet about your problems and what you went through in life there will never let go let go be free Don't be me be you the way you were created take that step to reach out and feed a homeless person take that step to defy all odds that are against you take that step because no one believes In you don't do it to prove them wrong do it to prove yourself right
