Chapter 1
“Jean?” A soft-melted voice called my name but it's like a whisper and the wind just delivered it to where I am.
I shrugged my head. Voices are meant to wake us up into reality. To give us hope and faith as we live through the passing years. Voices that made so loud to properly hear our just and our right as a human creature. But I feel so hopeless when I know it is impossible.
I even think, is it the world makes people being so cruel or it's the people who makes the world cruel? All along I've been thinking this and I need a damn valid answer!
This damn world is so unfair! Why would he choose to let my mom suffer when she's the best person I've met and a kind of good model to others. Why is it, he who always breaks the law of life stay so alive and have the freedom to live. Things are really so unfair towards those who just want to live peacefully.
“Are you there Jean?” her voice is such a music in the middle of this dark and gloomy atmosphere.
I watch the horizon above and heaved a deep sigh. This feeling gives me chills that reminds me that things aren't permanent. I will and I would still be back to who really I am.
Because all those years, I can't still accept things right on my way. Those undying pain I felt in the evil creatures, I once called as my beloved relatives. I guess, nothing can really defeat their evilness aside from where they came from. The devil.
At the time I almost lost myself, I don't know where to go. After my mother's death, I lost the idea of why I still continue to live into this world despite of my sorrowful life. Those dreams I have for myself and for my mother. What now to do? My mom is gone at my side to always guide me. Who always enlighten me and calm my broken pieces of my heart.
Yeah, I admitted since then I don't really belong to my mom's family world. They can say names to me, bastard, disgusting, or whatsoever. I don't care at all. Only important is my mother who accepted me wholeheartedly.
I understand at the very first time, my presence is sickening for them. Well, what would I expect? They will treat me nicely knowing that I'm just an illegitimate child? I doubt that.
Those traumatic past I would never forget until I get old. I may be forget all their faces and all but not their evilness that's brings me to drown in the darkness. As of now, I'm all afraid at what might happen to me before another year comes again and again. I'm always waiting into it to come that it really bothered me so much. I'm done into living into this world where I didn't know it's even a sin that I was born. What's might be the next? To die and do not last a long life. Gosh, this is so drastically insane.
And as what I should be expected, those evil wicked witch wanted me to be gone. I'm torned between giving their right to kill me to be with my mother or rose up and get a revenge.
But is it really possible to hold justice on your hands? How will I get the right to legally approach the justice on my bare hands and terminate the cruelty living and poisoning the world without even risking my life.
I'm not as powerful as the mayor in town. I don't even have a connections inside this country what's more in the outside of the horizon.
I can still remember what mom said when she's still alived.
“ I'm sorry my dear for the kind of life I gave to you.” She cares my cheek and lightly tap it.
I'm in the urge of stoping what she'll say but she only wipe my tears and give me a genuine smile.
“ You're experiencing things early at your age. I didn't intended this to happen for you but don't ever think I'm in so much regrets to give birth to you.”
I kiss her hand which caressing my cheeks and look at her pleadingly.
“Mom,” I only uttered between my sobs.
“You're the one who gives light when I'm so down. You're the one I held onto when your lolo is so much in disgraced towards me.” She continued and cough a little bit.
I get alarmed and don't know what should I do to stop her coughing so hard. “Ma, you don't need to say sorry, okay. I'm enough with you in my arms.” I give her a convincing smile and a warm hug.
“My god, I don't know what I did good to give me this priceless gift above.” She embrace me after and kiss me on my temple.
“Hey, promise me to still hold on. I know you're not in good terms with your Aunty but still be good to them.”
I'm totally shocked to what I heard. Does those words really come out to Mom's mouth? After those life threatening to us, she can still said it to be good to them? Seriously, huh? What only left with us is our pride and dignity, and then Mom wants me to give it up for the betterment of my Auntie's treatment? The hell with it!
“I know it's such a dangerous move for you but listen to me, my dear. You are still so young and innocent. Take this opportunity to stay still and not do other things that might put you into trouble. If you grow older and in the right age, you can put your anger into places. Wait till you become 22, in that day I'll be happy for you and finally, after this tragedy you are indulge with, will set you free. So promise me to stay still at our house and live longer.” A tear escape in her deep and dark oceanic eyes. It's a tears of joy.
Even having an opposite opinion towards my mother, I let it be though. After all, what happened to me gives me a big blow to what life is. From the time I escape to their property, I accepted my fate. And I'm only waiting for the time comes for my life to be at peace.
Now I'm having a second reason to live with my life. Hoping that this day onwards, my life is temporarily at the right place.
