Chapter 1: Confess
~ Era ~
Today is Tuesday, which means we get to eat breakfast, all of us. As I headed to my bathroom door preparing for myself to have a shower. I recall what happened last night, Loki's reaction. More concerned than being afraid of him.
I guess there are still some things that I don't know about him. That scheme is one of them. I put light makeup on before heading down to the dining area.
"Good morning!" I greeted them before I slump on my seat. The table is rectangular, Dad is in the middle, Aunt Leah is on her right side while Loki is on the left. I get to sit with him. I can feel his stare when I took a seat.
"Good morning!" Dad greeted and followed by Aunt Leah. Loki did not respond but I see him in my peripheral vision, he nods towards me. A little bit awkward for me. I hope he just acts as if last night was nothing. Well, it's nothing for me. Sure, I get furious at how he acts but that's all. The moment he acts uncomfortable, with me being on his side, I realize it must be something serious and I'm afraid it is.
I stretch my arms to grab the honey, but it's hard for me because I have short arms.
I have a petite body figure with very light skin.
The time Loki realized that I can't grab it on my own, he picks it up. I present my right hand to have it, instead, he opens it up for him to drizzle it on my pancake. I eyed him while he's doing that. Dad and Aunt Leah didn't mind because they are having a conversation.
He properly finished it. He's being kind, I think it's his way of saying his sorry last night. "Thanks," I said wistfully.
Clearly, what happened last night was... I don't know... It seems weird to me, but I know it's not that horrific. No hard feelings for him.
"No prob," He smiled not looking directly at me.
"How's school the two of you?" Aunt Leah said after she sips on her coffee. I can't help but sip on mine too.
Loki answered.
"Great, we both have perfect quizzes yesterday, and I did a lot of rounds on the gym." He faces me after that. I silently nod. I look at Aunt Leah to say something. "Yeah, we are doing great."
I can see Loki raising his eyebrows. They know how grumpy I get in the morning.
"You have a game tournament, right? When is that? I'll clear my schedule. I want to watch," Dad said excitedly. He smiled at Loki, and he did likewise.
"Should Era and I have bought pompoms for our cheer?" Aunt Leah kidded. Dad laughed at it. "Maybe, mine would be a megaphone," I said as I nod towards Aunt Leah. Joking around about what she said. We giggle. On my side, I heard Loki chuckle.
Dads check his phone.
"Era, don't you want to have any extracurricular activities? I heard it does good on profile," Dad asked while checking his phone. "I don't want to Dad. You know me, I'm not excellent at those, I'll probably just humiliate myself," I said shaking my head as I chuckle. I heard their laughter afterward. "No, honey, that's not true!" Dad said in between his laughter while looking at me.
"There's an upcoming pageant. Why don't you try?" Loki said it out loud for everyone to hear. I profusely eyed him. He is really insisting that I should go and have my shot since we saw the poster last week. I stomped on his foot and rolled my eyes at him. It has been my mannerism to roll my eyes at him every morning. Well, not like yesterday, because he made it to the class early than me. Having his study session with Stacy.
"I believe you should!" Aunt Leah exclaimed. She looks very eager to want me to join she even claps her hand. "I don't think I can do that," I honestly said.
"Excuse me, this is very important," Dad said as he left with his phone call. Aunt Leah nods at him.
"You can, you just have to believe in yourself," Aunt Leah said with her sweet smile. Loki interrupts. "I believe you can. You have the face, the mind, and the body," He said slowly eyeing each part of his statement. I can feel my cheeks burning. "I'm flattered." I awkwardly said. I'm hardly praised for anything since I'm not a people pleaser and I'm very forward at anything. Now he made that praise subtle I find it hard to react after.
"You should be," Loki said in a very sarcastic manner. He acts like he's restraining himself to laugh out loud as my face became distorted. The swirling colors on my stomach stop as soon as Loki made that comment. I'm not sure if that comment made me feel better so it's not going to be awkward for me, or I started to like that feeling, being praised by him.
However, Aunt Leah eyed him then smiled at me. "Don't mind him."
"What did I miss?" Dad started to eat his pancake.
"Era will join a pageant!" Aunt Leah excitedly confirmed like it is her choice. "Oh, n-no n-no!" I stuttered. Loki looks at me, I look at him pleading for help. I never wanted to join anything, especially this one, many people would see me. It's not yet happening but I can already see how anxious I will be at the stage that everyone will remember me as someone who's stupid. I can't. No way.
My nervousness was washed as soon as I saw my father. It's too late. My father is very pleased because of that information. His eyes twinkle as he looks in my direction, very interested that finally, I would do something as he wants me to.
"Really?" He faced me. The wrinkle in his eyes shows as he smiled widely. I'm afraid to take that smile away if I would say no. He looks very proud, and I saw him like this to me as far as I remembered.
"Yeah," I whispered. Dad's laughter filled my ears. This followed by him saying. "That's my girl!"
"I'm sure Leah will help you, she's a veteran at pageants, she won a lot," Dad said as he winks at Aunt Leah. Gosh. It's very cheesy.
"Oh, shut up!" Aunt Leah said as they both laugh. Loki is silently finishing his meal. He is the only one who eats a lot for breakfast. He said that it's the very important meal of the day. He has eggs, bacon, rice, beans, and milk. I already finished my pancake just sipping on my cup of coffee, waiting for him.
"Of course, I will help her. But I'm pretty sure she can do it even by herself." Our eyes met as she said that. I really appreciate her comment. I should have a smile or said something, instead, I look away.
I act sheepishly.
"I don't want to drive," I said as I closed the car door. Currently seating on the passenger seat of Loki's chevy. He ruffles his hair as he said OKAY. He did not budge to start a conversation, so I ask him.
"Why did you act like that, last night? Is there a problem?" For a second, I saw how his jaw moved. His forehead creased and his eyebrows furrowed. His eyes are focused on the road.
"I'm just tired of pretending." He whispered the last part. However, I heard it. So, I asked again to confirm what I've heard.
"Tired of what?" I asked still looking at him watching his expression. Even though he tried to show none after. His eyes remain stoic focusing on the road, but I saw how his Adam's apple protruded. His mouth opened, and close, and open again.
Seriously, what was he thinking? I'm dying to know.
"Stop it Era." Shadow cast in the corner of his eyes.
"Stop what? I can't understand you. Did I do something wrong? Why are you acting like that?" I said as frustration washed over me. The tone of my voice is ready to argue with whatever he's going to say.
He pulled over. Furiously he looked at me, then he ruffled his hair and breathed out. He unbuttons the upper part of his long white sleeve shirt. The aircon is on, why does he act like it's so hot right now. I can even see the sweat that formed on his forehead.
I took a glimpse of where he pulled over. And I'm right, we are almost in the school, just a few blocks away.
My hands are shaking as I pulled my skirt. I don't know why. Maybe too cold for me, I reach forward silently turning down the temperature from the aircon.
I heard him sigh, I look up to see him. I was about to ask why he pulled over, but he said the words I never imagined he would ever say to me.
"I'm tired of pretending that I don't love you." He said it while directly looking at me, his green eyes glowed with an inkling pain. My eyes can't move, I can't move. My hands still reaching on the button of the aircon. My heart stopped beating. What he said was like a bomb.
It killed me, softly.
"What?" I whispered as my eyes swell and the tears fell. I never thought something like this would happen. This can't be.
His jaw moved. But he didn't look away. He held my face with both of his hands. It was cold as ice. Shaking, like mine.
"I love you, Era. It sounds ridiculous and unreal but I do. I started to like you since the day I know you, I tried to divert my attention to Stacy and to any other girls, but I can't. It's always you that I can't stop thinking about. I respect my mom's decision when he married your dad. Trust me, I tried everything I can just to make this stop. And Knowing you better didn't help me."
"God, I can't believe I'm telling you this right now." He added. My tears silently fell. I opened my mouth only to close again, no words escape. My mind is incomplete haywire as I try to convince myself to say something.
This is bad. Very bad.
Still, his hands are on my face, he wiped the tears that I can't stop from falling.
I profusely shake my head. "No, no, no...."
That's all I can say.
I'm afraid and confuse.
Because I feel the same.
