The beauty of winter was deadly. It portrayed purity and innocence within the serene beauty of it, alluring you in to bask in its frozen wonders.
With each passing season I failed to see the same magic that came with winter. Despite my body’s ability to ignore the cold I still loved its chilling presence.
Waking up to the once bare trees and the ground that’s only sign of life were the left over brownish and yellow leaves from autumn, to everything completely covered in a thick glistening blanket of fresh snow. Reviving the life of the world once again.
Nowhere was left untouched from the frozen spell. Going outside instantly stained my pale cheeks a shade of pink as the bitter cold caressed my skin.
I loved the crunching beneath my feet as I stepped onto the fresh blank canvas of snow. I almost felt guilty for ruining the art that nature had so graciously created.
I loved winter but it did not love me. So, I was dreading the weeks to come. Winter was well on its way only a few weeks until it arrived again.
The small hut I had lived in for a few years now did very little to keep the cold out. Living within the mountains meant the weather went to below freezing throughout the winter.
The small self-made fireplace worked hard to heat up the small hut. Crackling and popping throughout the night but still the cold made my frail body shiver. The blankets I had acquired over the year’s barley made a difference on the worst nights.
I spent most of winter ill and sleep deprived. Never once being able to sleep through the sound of my teeth chattering together.
The only relief that winter offered me was that the Alpha would leave me be for most of it. Knowing I'm suffering without him having to lift a finger seemed to satisfy him and his need to torture.
The cold season didn't bother the wolves. Their bodies were built to deal with the freezing temperatures the mountains had to offer.
You would often see them walking around with little clothing. The males mostly walked around with their bare torsos on display. Allowing the cold to touch every part of their exposed skin. Not once encouraging their bodies to shiver or goosebumps to form.
Their bare feet would sink beneath the cold snow with every step they took. Every time I witnessed it, I winced at the possible pain it would cause me if I ever tried to do the same.
I don't know how I came to live in 'The Mount Rise Pack' the first and last time I asked I ended up in the pack’s hospital for three weeks.
I don't know why they were so against me attempting to find out where I came from. They despised my entire existence you would think they would want to cart me of. However, it seemed their life's mission was to ensure mine was to live with Torment and pain.
The wolves had different takes on me. Some would act as if I was completely invisible disregarding my existence all together. They thought themselves the kinder ones.
Most would go out of their way to Torment me with hurtful words, Ive learned to block them out most of the time regardless of the emotional sting it would leave. Or they would hurt me, marking my body permanently with the scars of their hate.
I could never decide which one was worse. Either way they proved their case that I don't belong here. They proved I would never be a part of their precious pack. I was an outsider a complete outcast to them.
The emotional scars ran deeper than any physical ones that littered my weak body that I was certain of.
I used to believe it was the alphas doing I still do. How else would you explain the misplaced hatred in their eyes each time they glanced my way?
After all he was the worst of them all. He was the complete reason I lived the way I did. He was the reason I suffered; he was the one who decided this would be my life. He held control that’s why he never realised the mistake he had made.
I had been allowed to attend the packs school along with the wolves. Another accomplished attempt from Alpha Larsen. To keep me completely isolated and alone.
He had made a mistake in his task to humiliate and remind me of my place here. He allowed me to learn everything there was to know about wolves. I knew everything.
I knew their laws and traditions. I knew what their beliefs were.
I knew how they worked.
I knew their strengths and weaknesses.
I knew what made them thrive or fall.
Their complete way of life I knew.
If I ignored the fact, they had caused me so much anguish. I had to admit I found them to be beautiful creatures. With amazing abilities and strengths.
The fierce loyalty they had to their pack was unbreakable. Bound to each other through a code of unity. Not only did they have each other but they had a beast within them guiding them, a part of them. Never allowing them to know the meaning of looniness.
Learning about the meaning of mates and witnessing it were two entirely different things. There are no words to compare two wolves finding each other. Their other half completing one another making them whole.
It wasn't the way they devoted their lives to one another. It was the look in their eyes. Like everything in the world finally made sense. It was something indescribable. A love so fierce there isn't a word for it.
Everything about them was something I could never truly understand. I couldn't lie and say I didn't envy them in a way. They not only found strength from their pack but individually as well. Their beast gifting them with abilities impossible to comprehend, never truly leaving them defenceless.
Nevertheless, the thing I envied most was the love they shared with one another. Something I'd never experienced before. I was a mere by stander watching, trying to imagine what it was like. To have parents who adored you, or friends willing to support you, or a mate willing to lay down their life to see even a fraction of a smile etch onto your face.
Their loyalty to one another though ended there. For someone does not like them they were cruel and unbending and I didn't have to read a book to know. I was reminded of it every day.
The most important thing I have learned though was that alpha Larsen was a fraud. The cruel, calculating vindictive creature was a complete lie. He was everything an alpha shouldn't be.
I had witnessed the crimes he had committed against his pack. Once I realised his under handed ways, I tried to tell the pack. I don't know why I certainly didn't owe them anything. I knew the second I opened my mouth they wouldn't listen. They would never take a mere human’s word over their infamous alphas.
I just had this unruly feeling if I had to try and I did, yet they still blindly trusted their alpha to lead them. To keep them safe and thriving as a pack. I soon realised I wasn't the only victim to suffer at his hand. No, the whole pack was. Perhaps that’s why I tried as hard as I did to expose the monster wearing the mask of a leader, and I was ready to expose him.
He made a mistake allowing me to learn.
He made a mistake for disregarding my existence.
He made a mistake in underestimating me.
Because the day I realised he was a fraud was the day the small fire of fight burned hotter than it had before. It was the day I realised he was the lie. He allowed the small hope I held onto, to become a possibility. He showed me the words he once had engraved in my mind was a lie. Because how could anything he said be true? If he had the capability to lie and betray his pack.
I knew from experience the pack would never believe me, the jagged scar than ran down the length of my back was a constant reminder.
Regardless I of the outcome of my first attempt I kept faith that one day my time would come. The truth reveals itself when the time is right, and I was counting down the days.
