EMILY's DIARY
DATE: 04/XX/2018
We rode your bike that night at 100. Too fast and I was laughing like a hyena with a lit cigarette stuck in my lips while tightly hugging you from the back. You shouted over the wind, saying, "I love you, Lily." And I answered back by dropping a sweet kiss on your nape. I saw you smile through the side mirror, and you rode faster like a man running out of time. Then you noticed the blinking warning of the almost empty gas and you began to slow down to look out for a station to fill the tank up. You then moved your head and asked, "you okay?" Because I've gone silent and I didn't even know why. But suddenly, I felt very disappointed. Because I can only look at your face this close for a few hours every weekend night. Never out in the open. Never in the daylight.
Then sensing my doubts, you tried to make me smile again. You reached for my hand around your waist as you said, "I love you, Lily." But that time, I knew you mean it more than everything else. So I started tearing up because you sounded so soft. I felt too guilty. It was wrong. We both knew it was wrong to be together. But at least, for a short minute, I felt like you're all mine and I was yours. No other issues, no other real-life lovers hanging in the air, reminding you and me about the truth that never ends.
I want to tell you I love you too. I wanted to hear you say those words every day, but not just only during these times that we have to sneak around and hide from everybody else. I want to hear you say it, never taking it back and never having to worry that while we're being like this... Someone else is waiting for me. Someone else will be touching me the way I want you to always do it. Someone... Someone else is out there not doubting me and not knowing that you exist. Someone who is completely naive, he doesn't even notice me cheating.
Someone who loves me blindly. Just like you do, Kent. But except for one thing: He was never hidden. And unlike you, I can never love him as much as I love you.
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[BRIANA's POV]
2020, Present
I still have that torn page from my older stepsister's diary kept inside my secret drawer. She still has no idea that I have it. And every now and then, I would find myself looking for it to read it all over again. Just to remind me... Because I didn't want to forget in case I become foolish again. I have to recall the pain at any cost. I have to remember that it happened. Two years ago, I was fourteen. It was also the time that I had discovered that crumpled paper behind her dresser inside her room, few days after I caught her sneaking out with Kent Knight. I didn't even know that they were close. But I guess I just didn't try to notice the signs. It must have started a few months before that. Two years ago, after New Year's Eve. My stepsister, Emily, had started to come home every week for no reason.
She insisted that since the university she had been attending was quite close, she just wanted to come home because she missed us. But she was lying. What a liar.
The reason was because of Kent. Because she was apparently, cheating with him that time. But if I didn't accidentally find that one page of her diary entry in her room, I still would have been oblivious of that secret. She was in love with him... Even when she already had a boyfriend that time. And he loves her too... Lately, I always noticed him staring longingly at the window of her room whenever I catches him standing by their front driveway at night when he comes home from whatever he came from that evening. I would always hear the loud noise of his motorbike and it would instantly urge me to peek through my windows. And he would always be there...
Standing and staring at my sister's window. Her empty room... It was totally obvious.
He still loves her. And I hate it. I hate knowing that. I hate myself for even finding out the truth. I didn't have to discover that secret between them. It's all a mistake. Because as soon as it dawned over me how much they have loved each other since then, I feel even more hopeless and pathetic. What a waste... My first love.
Two years ago, without wanting to, without even having the chance to tell him what I feel... I got heartbroken. Just like that. But for some reason, I still couldn't move on from him. It was terrible, and I might never get over him at all.
