APRIL
If you gave it a deep thought, you would come to see that the more life experiences one gets, the more one gets to learn that life makes no sense. At least, to me, it doesn't.
You see, a couple of years ago, just fresh into Uni, I was deathly worried about my future. I didn't know what was in store for me. Aunt Ellen and Pascal, her husband, had emptied their pockets sending me to school, and I knew for a fact that I had to do well so that I didn't let them down.
Don't get it twisted— they were sweeter than candy to kids, but I knew how much they struggled to give me a future. I knew how much they had to sacrifice for my sake. If they hadn't had to shoulder the burdens of my education and everything else, I knew life would have been easier for them those days.
But then, in what many choose to see as a sort of fairytale rise to success, everything changed for the better. At the start of my sophomore year, I started to build an audience online, and soon after, it blew up and became what was now a successful career.
But, you know what? Despite having financial security and a job I loved, I was lonely. I had my first boyfriend when I was seventeen, and now, three heartbreaks later, I still didn't know a thing about finding a good man. If that was still a thing.
“You travel a lot?“ Elise asked me, a smile etched on her face. “I know you do. I follow you. Influencers love travelling, don't y'all?“
Smiling at her, I replied, “I do travel a lot, Elise. But it's never for relaxation and recreation. You know? It's always to go do a couple of things that are for work whether it seems like it or not. I mean, you choose a location based on what you would do or whom you would meet for content.“
Elise was a staff at the hotel I stayed at, and in the three days I have stayed at the hotel, we clicked and had done a lot of chatting.
Continuing, I added, “I didn't know what lonely meant until I grew up and realised that as an adult, you get to walk many paths alone.”
Nodding in agreement, Elise let out, “That's true. But I don't think loneliness is abnormal. I think life is what it is because we get to experience everything; not just the parts we would like to choose. Not that one should look forward to them, but negative experiences and feelings are crucial bits of our lives.”
Elise wasn't wrong, but I still maintained that life made no sense.
When I was broke and scared, I thought money and a job I loved was all I needed. Now that I have those, I still feel something is lacking somewhere. Sometimes, it hits you in the middle of the night, then you remember that you're the only one who ever sleeps on your bed. That big fancy apartment in that upscale area— it begins to lose its value when you're all alone.
“Anyway, I hope you enjoy the rest of your time here,” Elise said, bending to embrace me as I sat. “We wouldn't mind if you come here for your twenty-eighth birthday.”
Still smiling at her, I said, “I will miss you, Elise.”
Elise went to work and I sat there by the pool, wondering where I had it wrong. Or was it just me? Just under four days ago, I took a flight to this city to celebrate my birthday. Mind you, I just booked a random hotel in the city. It was, in fact, my first time in the city.
Aunt Ellen wanted me to come home and have a fun time with them, and I wanted that too, but I guess I needed some alone time.
Today was my birthday. Aunt Ellen would call it ‘your special day'. I wasn't feeling special today. I didn't do anything either. For some years now, birthdays have become nothing but reminders that I was getting older and older and that the inner sense of loneliness I have always felt was here to stay.
“My shoe,” a little boy complained, running to his mother, who then helped tied the laces.
Family was beautiful, wasn't it?
Aunt Ellen was amazing. She was the closest thing to a mother I ever had. Both she and Pascal did their very best, and there really isn't anything to complain about.
Or is there?
I have to be honest. Sometimes, I wonder what it would have felt like to hear my mother's voice. I mean, there are many videos and images of her— all of which I have seen countless times. I have heard her speak, but it was never to me.
Aunt Ellen tells me I have my mother's eyes, and I see it sometimes. But I knew that I would give anything to call her ‘mummy' and see her smile at me. I have seen her laugh in videos, but what I would give for us both to laugh at a movie together. Or just prepare a meal together. Or walk the streets as mother and child. I would give everything for that.
"It's still not noon," I let out, looking at my wristwatch.
I went up to my room and watched two episodes of a show I had recently developed an interest in. And then I fell asleep.
When I woke up, it was already past seven.
Damn it.
I had planned to go out for an hour or so before dark. Well, I guess this was it for my little getaway from work.
Instead of ordering dinner from room service, I decided to go to the little restaurant on the hotel premises. The hotel was quite big, so I would have to walk a little before getting there.
As I walked, I took the opportunity to take in the scenic view of the hotel one last time. My flight was at 8:30 am in the morning.
There was only so long one could tap pause on life.
As I sat amidst the lively hum of the somewhat crowded restaurant, my attention was suddenly captured by his presence.
It was as though from the moment I saw him, every part of my being became more alive.
While his hair was well-styled, that wasn't just it—the material was the difference here. His body, lean and toned, almost spoke of the strength hiding just beneath the surface, like a tightly coiled spring.
He was stunning. Stole my attention with ease.
But it was truly his eyes that bewitched me—they were like ovals of liquid amber, glinting like captured fragments of sunlight. Such eyes were rare, but not any rarer than the beauty himself.
And it happened.
In a movie-like manner, my heart skipped a beat as his gaze met mine. Now I could just be delusional here, but I felt I saw a smile play at the corners of his lips as he saw me. I felt a sudden warmth spread across my cheeks as he approached me. Without any doubt, though I was lady enough to play it cool, I was losing it on the inside.
"Mind if I join you?" he asked, holding a tray in his hands.
Shaking my head, I responded, "No, I don't."
He sat down and said, "This is a fine establishment, isn't it?"
I nodded, saying, "Yes, it is."
"First time here?"
"First and last, I fear."
He chuckled at that, taking a sip of water. "I came to visit a friend. I'm from far away."
I let out a sigh, feeling much more relaxed. "I came here for my birthday."
"Oh, happy birthday to you. You came alone?"
"Yeah, you think it's strange?"
Waving his hands before me, he replied, "These days I'm cautious about using words like strange or wrong. It's sometimes subjective."
He seemed reasonable and calm. I know— and no, I hadn't forgotten I met him minutes ago.
We spent more time talking and all that time, all I thought about was how handsome he was. He was gorgeous. The way he spoke, moved, his physique and demeanour— it was all captivating and charming.
Then a silly thought crept into my mind. I thought about asking him a rather peculiar request— something I would never do on a normal day. But what was the harm? He would never see me again.
Also, if he were to get offended by the request, well, as I said, he would never see me again.
Leaning in, I said, "I'm going back to my hotel room. You can join me if you like."
He was clearly taken aback by what I said and for a moment, I thought he would just go to another table, which would hurt me but I would understand.
Instead, he said, "It feels a little strange to say yes, but that's my answer. Uh… I should probably stop talking."
He seemed a little shy at first as we walked to my hotel room. Perhaps he thought I was this confident sex guru who would be very demanding. If only he knew that disappointment was something I have come to expect from guys.
But he was different. I swear he was.
Sitting atop his thighs on the bed, we kissed, his touch gentle and patient. Here's the thing— he wanted more of me, but was calm, not rushing into anything.
He began to kiss my neck, his hands making their way under my blouse.
Soon after, both of us were bare of clothes, and I took a stare at him, and wasn’t he even more stunning with no clothes on?
"I'm not just saying this… you're the most beautiful thing I have ever seen… sorry, I didn't mean to call you a thing….“
Cutting in, I said in between chuckles, “I understand.”
We soon couldn't get enough of each other so much so that we skipped foreplay. As I asked, he flipped me on my back and began to get into business. It was crazy how such a random sex was this satisfying.
“Eh, eh, eh,” he let out as he finished, collapsing on me.
Just then, it occurred to me— we didn't use protection.
This was the most embarrassing thing. Neither of us were kids; we should know better.
Taking in a deep breath, I asked, “Did you… uh, did you pull out?“
He nodded at me. “Yeah, I did. Of course.“
“I thought you…”
Reassuring me as he ran a finger through my hair, he said, “Of course, I pulled out.“
“Okay,” I let out, a little more relaxed now. “And you don't have any… I don't mean to be rude, but do you have any…”
Cutting in, he replied, “I take every aspect of my health seriously. You have nothing to worry about.”
We both lay underneath the sheets for a while, before he said, “I'm Oliver Potter, by the way. What's your name?“
“It's not important, Oliver Potter.”
“Come on. We just had a fun time. At least, if two strangers get naked together, they must get to know each other's names. I don't make the rules.”
We both laughed at that.
“My name is April June,” I said.
“April and June? You have got to be kidding.“
“I'm really not,” I let out, putting on my clothes.
Before he left, he held my hands and placed a kiss on my forehead while closing his eyes.
Handing me a piece of paper upon which he scribbled his number, he said, “I hope I get to see you again.“
I just smiled at him without saying anything because I knew our paths will never cross again.
