Being alone is not easy.
There is no one you can lean on.
No one will listen next to you.
There is no one with whom you can share your joy, excitement, sadness, and all.
It's hard. Very hard.
I have a family but they never treated me as a family.
In 18 years of my existence, I never experienced having a so-called family. I never experienced having a friend. I never experience what is important.
I am an adoptee. My mother's elder sister adopted me because they say that my mother can't take care of me and until now I haven't met her at all. My aunt adopted me because she felt sorry for me if they would just give me to someone. I'm grateful for that. Very grateful because a relative adopted me but they never considered me as a family. They treated me as a maid who does all the chores for them. That was the only thing I could do to pay for adopting me, as they said.
My cousin Amanda never considered me as a cousin. She makes me her slave. I am the one who makes her assignments and projects at the school we attend and when I don't do that she will get angry and lock me in my room. She'll only let me out when I'm done doing everything. At school, she never stops making fun of me. She never stops making things to embarrass me. Some people feel sorry for me but they can't do anything because Amanda is a rich kid. Whatever she wants, she can do anything and no one can stop her.
I'm very tired of this life. Very tired. I'm tired of being a servant. I'm tired of being a slave. I'm tired of being embarrassed. I'm tired of being miserable. And I'm tired of being alone.
I want to end all this shit in my life. I want to change, but how?
I want to change everything but I don't know-how. I do not know. I do not know. I DO NOT KNOW!!
"CRYSTAL!!!"
I jumped out of my bed when I heard Amanda's scream. I quickly picked up my eyeglasses and almost stumbled down the stairs in a hurry.
"WHAT? YOU'RE SO SLOW. YOU'RE SLOW!!!" she shouts at me.
"I-I'm sorry. I-I'm still in my room," I reasoned out even though I knew she wouldn't listen to me.
"I don't care. As long as I call you, you should be here right away," she said. She throws a folder at me, which I immediately caught. "It's my project. Do it right away because I need it for tomorrow. Do it now because if you don't, you already know what will happen," she threatened me. I just nodded and went back to my room.
That’s what always happens to us. I'm fed up but I can't do anything. If I didn't do what she wants, she will hurt me. So, I'd better just do it.
This project is on her Calculus subject. I don't have a hard time doing her projects and assignments. It's easy for me. What do you expect from a valedictorian?
After I finished her project, I immediately gave it to her. I didn't even hear a 'thank you' from her, she just took it and stared at me. As always.
I immediately went back to my room and just played music. Music is my only companion all this time. Music is my family and my friend. Those singers behind these songs, I considered them as my family. I thank them because they give me beautiful songs. Even if they don't know me and even if they don't know what their songs do to me, I'm still grateful. They are my real family. A real family that I want, that my relative can't give me.
