If the thing hurts you then stop. If you can no longer take it then give up. If you are tired of everything, take a rest for a while.
If it's difficult to handle, then just let it go.
Because there are things you need to let go of when it is become difficult for you. There are things that are really hurtful.
To the point that you can no longer take it. Things that you just have to leave it to others when you know you can no longer be called yours. Or ... Did it really belong to you? It hurts to think...
It hurts to feel...
But you can't get rid of the truth that you are not the one he loves.
That his heart does not beating for you. That you know that the love you give him will never be worth it. But that's okay... You just have to cry...
To take out all the pain...
Until there is no more tears...
And you will not feel any more pain because you are not aware...
That you become numb...
Janess didn't realized that her tears were already dripping because of the book that she had read several times over and over again. She wiped away the tears and folded the book. She still felt the pain caused by the words that stuck and pierced in her heart.
Because she can relate to herself. How many times has she read it but she never gets tired. She heard footsteps so she quickly hid the book under the pillow of the bed she was sitting on. She walked to the door and slowly opened it...
And there...
Her husband and a beautiful woman...
Kissing.
In front of the stairs which is also in front of the room where she is. She quickly closed the door and covered her mouth to stop the sob trying to get out of her mouth. She rubbed her chest and she felt the pain there. 'Should I still hold on and continue even though I know that I'm the only one hoping he'll love' me back?
JANESS
"Hello?" my voice was muffled by the caller.
"Hi J! Gooood mooorrniiing!" warm greetings on the other line.
I laughed when I heard her shrill voice. It's early in the morning. This woman is really noisy.
"Good morning too Shirley" I said smiling while still blinking. I'm still sleepy. It's only six in the morning.
"Hihi sorry my friend , I know I disturbed your sleeping time." She said and even laughed "I just called to inform you that there will be a little party here at home tonight." She added.
I opened my eyes and got up.
"Why? What's up?" I asked still blinking.
"My brother Sherwin's coming home!!" she suddenly screamed so I pulled the cellphone away from my ear a little.
"You remember him, right?" she ask.
When I realized what she said my eyes widened.
"Oh my God. Really ??" I asked while my eyes widened.
"Yes!" still shrill voice she said.
Sherwin is Shirley's older brother. And he's been working as a professional photographer in States. He only came home to the Philippines once and he stayed there for up to three years, so I was really surprised.
"No wonder why you called this early." I said and chuckled.
"Yeah, I'm excited. Mom and I will pick him up in the Airport later. How about you, Are you okay? You can come, right? " she asked.
"Uhmm .. I'm not sure Ley. You know what my situation is. I'll ask Nathan first ." I told her.
"Alright, as if you will be allowed then. It's just Mommy and me, and also you as long as you go to the party later" she said. I can imagine the pain she felt, I just mentioned my husband's name. I gasped.
"I-I'll try... Alright? Please say hello for me to your older brother" I said, a little smile on my lips.
"Okay.. I hope you can come later. Bye." She answered.
"Bye." I said and turn off the call.
After the call went off, I went to the bathroom to get ready and then went straight to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.
While cooking, I thought of what Shirley said earlier. I want to see her brother Sherwin. I really hope Nathan will allow me later.
Right after I finished, I went to the dining table. After I put all the food in the table, my husband came down right in a moment. I looked up at him and he was already wearing office clothes.
'Really handsome' I taught in my mind.
He looked at me so I smiled at him.
"Good morning." I greet him.
"Hmm." he replied then just nodded.
"Eat please." I put rice and dish on his plate.
He sat down and ate immediately.
I sat down in front of him and just watched him eating the food. I was restless in my chair as my fingers moved under the table over my thighs when he suddenly looked up at me.
"Aren't you going to eat?" he asked me frowning.
I look down.
"No, I mean, I'll eat" I answered and got some food.
I heard her sigh and the sound of cutlery hitting her plate that makes me looked at him.
"You have something to say?" he asked in a boredom.
"U-uhm... I just want to ask for your permission If I can uhm..." I bowed again. I can't look him in the eye for a long time. "Uh... Shirley invited me to their house later ---"
"Why?" he cut me off.
"Her brother Sherwin is coming home... that's why they want to celebrate ---"
"No. You won't go." he cut my words again.
I opened my mouth to speak but he pointed at me his spoon.
"And that's final." he finally said and drank water and stood up.
"I'm done." he went to the living room and took the key and his attaché case then walked to the door. But before he could get out he turned to me again.
I swallowed.
"Don't you dare go there. You won't like what will I do to you. And I Mean It." He said and then he finally left.
I let out a deep breath that I did not know I had been suppressing before.
How is this? I still want to see her older brother.
But I can't go against his decision.
I don't want to increase his anger towards me.
