“You’re pregnant.”
I looked from Dr. Evans’ moving mouth down to the floor.
I’d been sitting here for ten minutes, listening to his droning voice, but it was now that my brain was almost refusing to translate those three syllables I’d just heard.
“I’m sorry, what?”
He watched me closely. Probably my face was not giving him a readable reaction to work with. Was he to say congratulations or offer me a box of tissues?
He chose the option of repeating the same words to me.
“You’re pregnant, Elora.”
He handed me the piece of paper, and I looked past all the medical jargon to focus on that one word.
Positive.
I had come to pick up my test results for my routine checkup. Not this.
I suddenly felt a phantom pressure settling behind my navel.
I couldn’t believe I actually had a baby inside me right now. Even though I shouldn’t be so shocked, since I knew exactly how it got there.
This was supposed to be the moment I burst into joyful tears. Then I’d rush home to my husband and break the news. He would freeze for a second or two before exploding into into immense joy, sweeping me off the floor to twirl me around, before suddenly remembering to be careful not to hurt me and our baby.
But my marriage didn’t come with that kind of luxury.
Cedric and I didn’t enter a love marriage five months ago.
I had transitioned from a live-in nurse to a wife because his grandfather wanted me in his family. In his words, I was going to be the perfect woman for his grandson.
It was a jarring arrangement, but not a terrible one. Arthur Vandermere loved me like the parents I never had, and Cedric was a nice gentleman who treated me with respect.
So when I said yes, I wasn’t really looking for a fantasy. I just hoped for a stable family and partnership.
“I only agreed to this because Grandpa won’t hand over my inheritance until I marry you.” Cedric told me on our wedding night, his gentlemanly act dropping the second the door closed. “So don’t have any high hopes.”
I quickly learned that even my simple dream of stability was a fantasy.
“You don’t seem very happy,” Dr. Evans noted. “If things are complicated, or if you are worried about doing this alone…”
“No, I’m just…” The paper vibrated in my hands.
I was two weeks gone. Two weeks ago when Cedric stumbled into my room drunk and touched me for the first time.
“It’s a lot to process,” he said.
“What about the father? Is he present?”
“Yes, he is.” My chest tightened with a sudden, fierce pride.
“That’s good.”
I nodded, genuinely believing it was. I placed a soft hand over my stomach.
Cedric had ordered me not to have high hopes on our wedding night, but holding that positive test, the hope came rushing back anyway.
Our little baby.
This was the breakthrough our marriage needed. Everything was going to change and my husband wouldn’t be so cold towards me anymore.
I walked out of the clinic with my heart racing, nervous about how he would take the news. But I still chose to look at the bright side.
I got home just around the time he usually returned from work and headed to his bedroom, the positive test result folded securely in my palm, my heart beating a hopeful rhythm against my ribs.
All the way up the stairs, I played out the conversation in my head. I imagined his silence, his shock, and more direly, the look on his face that would confirm everything between us was about to change for the better.
But I wasn’t prepared for the sudden noise that broke the quiet of the hallway.
I stopped, the noise stopped too.
I took another step forward to test the silence.
The sound hit my ears a second time. It was echoing from the other end of the large hall.
I abandoned my path to Cedric’s bedroom and started walking towards the rarely used guest rooms, unconsciously crinkling the paper in my grip.
The door to the room was already halfway open, so I held my breath and nudged it open just a bit wider.
Cedric was right there. He was still wearing the same grey suit he’d left the house in this morning. But looking at him felt like staring at a stranger. He was cradling an infant, dangling a plastic rattle while making cooing noises. There was a huge smile on his face. I’d never seen him smile like that before; never even thought he was capable of it.
The child was easily five or six months old.
The room spun slightly. We had only been married for five months.
My eyes went past Cedric to the woman standing in front of him. She was playing the baby’s toes while exchanging a soft look with my husband. There was no doubt she was the mother. She was the reason Cedric’s peripheral vision couldn’t even notice my shadow standing a few feet away from him.
My head spun with the different possibilities of who that woman and that baby could be to Cedric. I had options. Too many options. But there was one answer I was desperately praying was wrong.
An ache began at my temples, beating out heavy blinks from my eyes.
The baby suddenly burped out milk on Cedric’s suit and he just laughed. While the woman used the napkin she was already holding to wipe away the mess from his chest. And as she did, they stared fondly at each other.
The gravity in the hallway must have doubled. Balance deserted me. It felt as if blood was being pulled out of my head, making my everything spin.
“Quite the sight, isn’t it?”
I jerked around.
Victoria Vandermere was standing in front of me. Every line of her face radiated with malice. She was relishing the look on my face like it was a delicious meal. This woman had been nothing but a nightmare since day one.
“That beautiful picture you see over there? That’s exactly how things should have been before you came and ruined everything.”
I grit my teeth, my fingers further crushing the test paper.
She gazed at the door behind me and continued, “That was the woman Cedric was going to marry. But then you had to use your little tricks on Arthur to secure a place here. That boy is their beautiful child.
“So shouldn’t you be planning to excuse yourself from this family? Undo whatever spell you did on Arthur and get lost.”
I forced my eyes back to the gap in the door as I heard her footsteps retreat behind me as if her sole mission there was done.
As much as I hated hearing it from Victoria, she was speaking the truth. I had walked straight into a trap of my own making.
Were you that starved of of a home, Elora?
He warned you. He told you not to have any high hopes.
What kind of person ignores a warning just because she wants to feel loved?
What was I thinking, running up those stairs like a fool? Like I finally found the ultimate bargaining chip for his affection?
Just look at his eyes. All that love, and there's nothing for you in it.
I retreated inch by inch from the door, and by then, paper in my grip was mangled beyond repair.
The self-delusion had to stop. I was an outsider here, and the earlier I let that get stuck in my head the better it would be for me.
I placed my palm flat on my stomach.
I had to focus only on what was truly mine here.
Something that belonged only to me, that no false arrangement or illusion could take away.
