“I’m going to get married," father breathed out the news he wanted to tell me.
I remember I was only four years old then and barely a year has passed since mother's death and he has already replaced her with a new woman in his heart. He wasn't asking me for permission to marry. He wasn't asking me if I'm okay having a new mother.
He was telling me that he has already decided that he's going to marry and I'm going to have a new mother whether I like it or not.
I remember my heart breaking into pieces when I heard his news. He wasn't happy either when he told me that. He was looking at me guiltily when he said it. He knew that I wouldn't like the news, but he told me either way. He knows I won't like his decision, but he still went on it.
"To whom?" I asked, pushing back the overwhelming sadness deep in my heart.
What could a four-year-old girl do to her father if she doesn't agree with what he's going to do?
Father smiled when he heard my question. He was expecting a protest or a tantrum, but when a considering question came out of my mouth, nervousness was wiped away from his heart.
"Do you remember the woman that came to visit in our house last week?" Father asked, his hold in my arms tightened, but not enough to hurt me.
I could clearly see the hopeful look on his face. He was kneeling in front of me, his head just inches away from mine.
"You mean Aunt Livitha?" I asked, even though I'm sure it was her. She is the only person who visited in our house last week.
We never had visitors in the house. Sometimes we do, but it was very rare and it was mostly my father's friends and people from the court.
Aunt Livitha is a beautiful woman, no wonder that father fell in love with her. She was kind too and very good in handling children. She had two daughters, one my age and the other is two years older than me. She's around father's age, but maybe he was a year younger than him.
Even though she already gave birth to two children, she still looked like a young maiden.
However, I don't think that she is a perfectly kind person, no one is, but I could tell that her two daughters have different fathers.
Her eldest daughter, Lorena has brown hair and brown eyes. While her younger daughter, Giselle is born with blonde hair and baby blue eyes. Both of them has nothing similar with each other. Their facial features contradict each other and their likes and dislikes contradict each other too. It seems like one of them is adopted, but Aunt Livitha insists that both of them were her biological daughters. You could tell that they have different fathers just by looking at them.
Winter is afraid that this woman is a bad person, a lion in sheep's clothing.
"But father," I started to protest and father started to get worried. "You can't marry a person that you just met," I told him instead, knowing that he wouldn't like it if I talked ill about the person he wants to marry.
I know every people that my father is close with and Auntie Livitha is not one of them. The first time "I saw her and her daughters was just last week too. Although father introduced them to me as his friend, I know that they weren't that acquainted enough.
"Winter," he uttered my name consolingly. "Aunt Livitha and I had known each other before I met your mother," he confesses surprising me.
She was my childhood friend and ex-lover before I married your mom.
Winter is speechless. She had no idea that his father fell in love with another woman before he met her mother.
She remembered how much her father loved her mother and how her mother loved her father too. They loved each other so much that it's surprising to know that her father had loved a different woman before her.
"You don't need to worry about me and your Aunt Livitha. I've known her since we were little. We were lovers before she had her daughters," father tried to assure me.
"Isn't she already married? Doesn't she have a husband." Father didn't introduce her carefully to me. He told me that she was her friend and that was it. Now, he's telling me that he's going to marry his friend.
"Your Aunt Livitha was married two times before, Winter. Her first husband died when Lorena was three and then she remarried again, but her second husband died before Giselle was even born," father explained, making me more suspicious of her.
I was right to think that Aunt Livitha's daughter have two different fathers, but the fact that two of her husbands died doesn't feel right to her. She doesn't think that it was something that is unfortunate to happen. It seemed planned.
"Winter, Aunt Livitha is a kind woman. Nothing bad will happen to this family if I marry her. I promise nothing will change" he added.
Father must have seen the skeptical look on my face.
To be honest, what I was worried most about was that father would change once she married Aunt Livitha. Too much had already changed between them since mother died. I don't want something more bad to happen once he marries another woman.
"Nothing really?" I asked him and he gave me his brightest smile. The first time I ever seen him smile this big since mother died.
"Cross my heart and pinky promise." I gave him a small smile, remembering mom once again.
Although I could only remember a few memories about my mom since she died when I was three. One thing I could remember about her was her pinky promise.
Every time she gives me promises, we always do the pinky promise, but when it's dad who does his promises, he always did the cross my heart.
I wish mom is still alive. I wish my dad never remarried.
With a smile on my face, I trusted my father's promise wholeheartedly and wrapped my pinky finger around his, making our promise permanent.
After that, I hugged my father and he wrapped his arms tightly around me.
"Always remember, Winter. You will always be my daughter," he whispered to my ear.
"How about Lorena and Giselle? If you marry Aunt Livitha do they become your daughters too?" I asked, knowing that the answer would be yes even if they weren't related by blood.
"If I marry Aunt Livitha, she will become my wife and my children will be her children and her children will be my children, but no matter what, you will always have my blood and your mother's blood in you," he answered and kissed my forehead.
"I love you Winter," father muttered.
"I love you too."
"Your mother loves us more." I smiled at what he said.
Ever since mother died, father never failed to remind me that mother still loves us even if she's already gone.
My father promised me that nothing will change between us, but he never fulfilled his promise.
Years has gone by and he had forgotten his real daughter that is still alive.
Just like when mother died, everything change.
I remember, when she was alive we used to live in a place where it's winter all year. I remember the snow that was like the color of me and my mother's skin. I remember how we always wear thick clothes and scarves to keep us warm. I remember how my mother and father's hand were always cold to touch.
I remember living alone with just my parents in a cottage located in the middle of the forest. There were no people around us. The only living beings living there aside from us was the few wild animals also living in the forest.
However, when mother died, dad couldn't bear living in the forest where his memories of mom were everywhere. So, he took me to where the other humans live, the place where he said he grew up and continued living our life here with just the both of us without even asking if I was okay at leaving everything that I grew up with behind.
When mother died, he tried his best to forget about her instead of accepting that she was gone and he forced me to forget about her too.
However, there are things you can’t forget.
Although mom died so early that I couldn't remember what she looks like. I could still remember her voice, her touch and the way she calls my name.
Winter.
That is my name. Mother named me that after I was born on December at an all year snow place with a skin as white as snow.
I was triple snow, my father used to tell me. I'm lucky I wasn't named snow bunny, he says.
I couldn't remember how my mother died, but I remember a part of my life where I was crying so much and my heart felt so heavy that I couldn't breathe. I remember my father trying his best to comfort me and make me happy, but I was so sad that I couldn't stop.
I wish my father and I never left the forest. I wish he was strong enough to keep a picture of her with us so I would know how she looked like.
Father is very sensitive when we talk about mom, so I couldn't bring myself to ask about her. I always relied about the fragments of memories I had about her.
However, ever since father became close with Aunt Livitha again after not seeing her for so many years, I saw how father had slowly coped up with grief from my mother's loss and her death wasn't too heavy for him to bear anymore.
Aunt Livitha helped father in ways that no one can and I would always be thankful for her for that.
She made my father forget the things that made him cry and she made him forget about me.
