Tourette curse

　　The side effects started whenever I was 5 years old I noticed whenever I was playing ball I always had to touch my nose I never realized why I always touched my nose and it was something that bothered me cuz it was a habit and people would notice something off I always kept up with the ball players I was the fastest pitcher in the league but I still felt like the slowest mentally the kids did not let up on me they made fun and entertained themselves through my misery very hard time to live in those days for a 5 to 10-year-old kid time to worry about not taking not twitching to be embarrassed in front of everyone they tried me on medication it helped my grades out but besides that it did nothing for me elementary School was kind of like a jail cell never been to jail but if I was to imagine what it would be like that's what it would be every displaced kid having trouble at their household taking out all their stress on a skinny white boy during these times I would take out my rage shooting basketball over and over and over again it was my only escape from the house that I was in my grandmother would pray for me and tell me that it's okay Lance you're just perfectly created with a big heart I'm never understood what she meant until I started to notice my dad having the same problems as me my dad had a 4.2 average in high school graduated top of his class was a very very loving man but he had a case of schizophrenia so that made things really difficult for me during games he couldn't go out and watch me play without drinking because the social anxiety for him was so difficult to be around other people people would make fun of him I would get angry but until today I finally realized he just had a problem and it was trying to hide it one thing you shouldn't do in life is high from your problems hiding things from yourself especially lying to yourself is the worst possible thing you could do in life I told myself that I have this beat I told myself that it's going to go away I told myself that people don't really notice it and what how does that make me feel when I have to question myself about how somebody else is thinking about me. Fast forward into high School I was quarterback of the high school football team I made it I was the top dog then I realized something I realized that people don't like to see Cinderella's win.. I was six one 140 lb soaking wet my sophomore year football taught me to stand up for myself I had the hat of a bull and the heart of a Lion no matter how big you were in front of me I was running over you even though you ran over me first I was coming back at you this is how I coped with the mental abuse from tourette's whenever I put on my helmet I went to war and I let out all my stress on the person in front of me boy if only we could put them pads on again but back on the subject imagine blinking your eyes approximately 30 to 40 times per minute all day that is my life it might not seem like a lot might even seem crazy to some people that's why I'm writing this for everybody to listen to and everybody to read I have no shame I was created this way I was made this way so you can look at me and see how blessed you are not the downgrade myself but you get the Gest of what I'm saying life isn't rainbows and unicorns everyday is a battle for your soul and your heart you have to be 10 steps ahead of the game to make it I might be seven and a half steps but I'm close to 10 steps I could feel people look at me differently I could sense it but through the looks and alls and why and what happened I look back in my life and it wasn't so bad I'm happy I went through what I went through it made me who I am today who I am today I'm a man who cares about everyone I'm a man that will pray for someone who I don't even know I was given a gift by the spirit to love unconditionally so don't look at your thoughts as a weapon against you change your way of thinking adjust and adapt to different situations you cannot control what somebody says but you can't control the outcome of the situation be strong be humble. If somebody tries to get to you pretend you can't hear anything they're saying what hurts me the most is seeing someone mainly abuse someone just because they are different if you are the one that is different I want you to raise your hand and say thank you Lord for making me perfect positive thinking brings a positive. A ride to make people understand that just because somebody's different doesn't mean you can walk all over them just whenever you think that person isn't paying attention he's been watching you the whole time and learning you that person you've been downing can help you in your life if you open up the only way you can find that out though is being a man and opening up believe me I know what the pressure feels like I know what bipolar feels like I know what schizophrenia looks like I have people calling me now for help how to better their lives and asking me questions like I know their life the only thing that I do to encourage them is uplift them I'm doing what nobody did for me besides a few people only three that I could think of I'm going to say one right now though Jacques he was always the smarter kid he was my third cousin I could always tell that he was a little more spiritual than the average person he would go out of his way to get me from my house to have fun and enjoy my day the experienced drinking cutting up parties if I ever had a true brother it would be him whatever I was down he picked me up whenever somebody messed with me he stood up for me my dad always told me I should fight my own fights if he only knew what I was fighting when he said that you have to be a man you have to stand up for yourself son you can't let people run over you or take advantage of you this is my story about tourette's where I was and where I'm at now I know it's not a story it's a biography but people need to hear my testimony people need to hear what I went through it's only through the blood of Christ that we can find peace and thank you Jesus for that