1. Before Summer Break
I knew I was in love with you. Was I a fool for thinking you were in love with me too? - Jesu Nadal
- Natalie -
.
I don’t like it when West snaps at me after making love. It makes me feel used. As if I could give him everything and still it wouldn’t be enough.
I wipe my tears and take a deep breath to calm myself down. Sometimes he doesn’t even want to come near me. This is one of those days. I get it he is upset and occupied. But whenever he does this, it makes me feel abandoned and ugly.
I look at my face in the mirror and wash it in hopes of reducing the redness spread across my eyes. After a while, he opens the bathroom door and says, “Come to bed…”
“So you could fuck me, then shut me out again?” I ask with indifference.
He sighs. ”Nat…”
He takes a step towards me, trying to touch my arm, but I shrug him off. He stands there for a while, then says, “Sometimes I wish I hadn’t told you anything. You worry too much… and you know how I feel about it...”
“Yeah, I get it. It’s my fault.”
My fault that I care and want him to do something about this fucked up situation…
I try to brush past him, but he grabs and pushes me against the wall while caging me with his arms. He cups my cheek in his palm and says, tracing my lips with his thumb, “Sometimes I wish I could have a fresh start…”
I blink at him to understand what he is trying to say.
He studies my face for a moment, brings his face near mine to kiss. “I am sorry,” he murmurs against my lips and, like a fucking whore, I melt again. He presses his body into me, then crashes his lips onto mine.
He kisses me for good, tasting my lips and my mouth. I let out a moan without meaning to. When he slips his hand in my panties, my heartbeat quickens and a shiver runs down my thighs. I try to resist him. I am soaking wet and I don’t want him to know.
Why does he have so much control over my body? I hate him and I hate myself for this.
I swear to God I feel his smirk across my lips. If he wasn’t pressed onto me. I would have kneed him. I try to pull away, but he pins me hard.
He runs his thick digits across my slit while rubbing my clit with his thumb. I cannot help but shamelessly give in. When I rub my core to relieve myself on his hand. He pulls away from the kiss and says, “Ride it, Nat… Do it…”
He pushes two fingers inside. I squeeze my legs and squirm while he finger-fucks me. I try to match his rhythm to soothe the ache that has built up inside me. He takes a hard bite of my breasts above my clothes. I moan in pain and pleasure.
“Just keep going…” I say breathlessly and he fastens his pumps and my pussy starts clenching around his fingers. Soon enough, I shudder and go limp in his arms. He hugs me for a while, then he picks me up in his arms and takes me towards his room.
I look at his beautiful face, wondering how I even fall for this heartless boy and why he is being gentle right now.
He puts me down on his bed, then removes my clothes one by one. He leaves me a trail of kisses. My senses have heightened with an orgasm he just gave me.
With each kiss moving down and down, I feel his full lips wetting my skin, his light stubble scratching me. He kisses my cheeks, my neck, my shoulder, my breast. Then he moves to my stomach. I gasp when he opens my thigh and buries his face in. He licks and eats me out with patience. I tremble with every lick he takes across my pussy. He sucks, bites and flickers my clit with his tongue. I am too sensitive down there. It’s almost torture.
Still, I am high in the thrill and passion of love he is showing. It’s rare for him to do this for me.
My clit is achingly swollen and I am pulsing with need. I want something that belongs here. Not his fingers or his tongue.
“I need you West,” I say desperately.
He gives me one deep, long smooch before pulling his cock out. He rubs it to my pussy lips and I shiver. Then he pushes into me again. I feel both relief and desperation at the same time. My pussy walls rubbing around his cock makes me forget all miserable thoughts I was having earlier.
He fucks me, and he fucks me hard. But still, this time it’s somehow different. It feels like making love.
He isn’t into slow and passionate things. But that’s exactly what he is doing right now. Each deep thrust is a reminder of why he owns me. He knows how to play with me. Our bodies, bare and sweat mingling with each other, it’s too much for me to handle. I tilt my core to urge him to go harder.
He pumps into me, just the way I want. When I feel his ragged breath, I hold his hips and slam into me harder. He is too deep into me. It almost hurts.
“Oh fuck, Nat. You are too much… “ His voice is breaking and I know he is losing control, too.
He quickens his pace and within seconds, we both fall from the edge. We lie exhausted next to each other. Then to my surprise, he pulls me closer to spoon me. He holds me for long and I fall asleep in his arms, breathing in his comforting scent.
….
When I open my eyes in the morning, I notice him gazing at me. I smile and blush. I must look like a mess. I hate it when he points it out. But I cannot look my best, first thing in the morning.
“I will miss you,” He says instead.
What?
I frown. “Where are you going?”
He doesn’t answer at first, then he says, “I am going away for two weeks during summer break.”
Summer break starts after a week.
“Oh…”
I look at his face again. Bruising has completely faded on one side of his face and is slightly visible on another. By Monday, it will be gone. He didn’t hold back last night. Second time when we fucked, it felt like he was trying to comfort me. He removed his shirt. Showed his scars. Most of them have faded. Luckily, there aren’t any new bruises. I was just overthinking.
He sits up in bed and pulls me towards himself and says, “Come here. I want to capture this moment.”
I shake my head in horror. “Noo West, I look terrible.”
“You look beautiful Nat… Come here…”
.
---His breakup---
- Jacob -
… …… ……
I thought this evening and this party would lighten my mood. But I am feeling the complete opposite. I am beginning to regret being with my girlfriend. I am beginning to regret leading her on this far.
“I am sorry, Jacob. I am not sure what got over me at school.” Sadie, my girlfriend, says to me while leaning into my body. She knows I don’t like it. It makes me uncomfortable because now-a-days she only leans into me, expecting a reaction.
How the fuck I can give her a reaction when I don’t feel anything for her?
But I won’t say anything right now. It will create another argument right here.
“I said I am sorry,“ she pouts when I do not reply.
I just smile at her and say, “Just don’t do it again…“
She makes a face. She probably expected I will say ‘it’s okay’. But it wasn’t okay.
I am tired of her fake apologies. Every other day, she creates some new big drama. She seemed really sweet when I started dating her. But now I can see how controlling and possessive she is... Today she started an argument with my project partner, saying she was trying to flirt with me. I had to pull her away when I saw Sadie trying to hit her.
It’s her birthday today, so I am not in the mood to upset her. I drink my beer to smother the unbearable dread I am feeling right now. I understand it’s difficult for her too. But I won’t sleep with her, just because she is pressuring me.
“I haven’t gotten my kiss today,” she whispers in my ear, looping her arms around my neck. Then plants her lips on mine.
I enjoyed kissing and holding her before. But it changed when she started showing her true colors. It’s difficult for me to ignore personality. She still tries to keep her facade up, but her genuine nature is too loud to ignore.
I am kissing her back just for the sake of it. I wonder if she can sense that I am not into her anymore.
“Hey, you guys! Stop PDA and get a room!”
One of her friends yells at us. Sadie laughs and pulls me with her into her bedroom.
I have to break up with her. Everything is not her fault alone. Yes, I am tired of her drama and fights. But I also feel bad for disappointing her again and again. I hate it when she asks if she is not beautiful enough. If that’s why I won’t have sex with her.
“Wait here. I will grab some more drinks,” she says, going out.
“I won’t take any... am kinda drunk already.” I tell her. I am surprised how she managed to get beer for this party. We are barely seventeen, for God’s sake. It’s nice to have it once in a while though.
She waves me off. “One more. Come on!!!” and goes out.
I sigh and lay in her bed, closing my eyes. After a while, I hear her coming back and calling my name.
I mumble with my eyes closed, “Let me sleep for a while... I am too drunk...”
She lays next to me. I spoon her and fall asleep.
......
I am still half asleep but I am feeling uncomfortable and slimy. Something is wrong.
I am not sure if it’s sleep paralysis or what, but I am trying to wake up.. I am feeling something, but I don’t want to believe it. When I force myself to open my eyes. I feel disgusted and dirty when I see what Sadie is doing.
Sadie is naked and has undone my pants and is licking and sucking me. I am shocked and speechless for a moment but I bark at her, “SADIE!!!”
I pull myself away and get out of the bed. I feel slimy as my cock is wet with her saliva. I grab a T-shirt lying on the bed to dry it.
Fuck, it’s her top.
I throw it away, sickened, as if it will make me feel any better.
“You are a liar, Jacob! If you weren’t into sex, why would you be so hard?”
I look at her in disbelief while buttoning my pants. “That’s how a body works ... That doesn’t mean you can try it without my fucking consent!!!”
I want to yell at her at the top of my lungs. I am seething and want to punch her face.
I start pacing out of the house towards my car. Party is over and everyone is gone.
Why did I come here today? Her drama at school today should have been the last straw. If I had taken a stand today, this wouldn’t have happened.
Sadie is following me outside. “I am sorry Jacob... Please don’t go. That was stupid of me to try. But believe me… You will feel good if you let me touch you.”
“Stop Sadie! I am fucking repulsed by you. Just STOP!!”
I get inside my car and she stands there with a sheet wrapped around, watching me. I can’t even look at her face right now.
“It’s fucking over,” I tell her and drive away.
After reaching home, I take a shower. I want to burn myself with scalding hot water. Anything to feel normal. I am feeling so much disgust and revulsion within myself.
Fuck.
Never again.
Never again I will let anyone get close to me unless I want to.
No more, let’s try and see if it works shit!
Probably I am supposed to be alone. I think to myself with a strange sense of angst.
Little did I know someone was there for me too.
