“Mom see, I brought a lot of groceries,” I said, placing a big sack full of veggies, meat, eggs, toiletries and everything that is necessary for us to survive for a whole week.
Last few days has been hard, we barely had enough to ourselves fill, and dad accient mom totally scattered she still tries her best, but i can how broken and hurt she after that day, her smile, the cheerful bubbly attitude of my mother somehow fade away and there has been a 360 degrees change in her personality.
I don’t like seeing her scattered but how much I try, I can't help her.
“Jason,” Mom called,with her sounding weaker than usual. “Come sit beside me,”
“Mom is fine, do you need anything, I can cook, I brought a lot of food,” Mom shook her smiling tirelessly.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t be a good mother for you,”
“Mom, do your best,” I said, hugging her tightly.
“Maybe not as think so, you’re only fifteen yet you do two jobs and even go school in scholarship, all because I couldn’t provide for you, all because I’m worthless as a mother,”
“Mom please, all I want is you happy,”
“I know what's worrying me the most, I don’t want you to ruin yourself for me,” Mom continued wither rubbing on my back gently consoling me.
“You know Jason in this world there are two that can either ruin you or repair,”
“What are those?” I asked.
“Money and love, you can take you father and me as an example,”
She is right, it was because of my money that the person who caused dad's accident was saved and it was because of my mother's love to father that she is like this today, all because of love.
“I don’t understand what are to say,”
“You’ll,” She said with a whisper. “I love you my son, so does you dad,” she finishes as her hands that were patting my back seconds ago slides down, with her head on shoulder and all her body weight on me, I can't feel her breathing, she not reacting to any of my actions no matter how hard I try.
I don't know what is happening, I laid her body on her back on the couch, shaking her, shouting her name again and again but there was no reply from her side.
Even though I know I am trying to avoid the truth in front of me, I can’t accept the fact that my mother who was talking to me seconds ago is dead and she took her last breath in my arms.
“Mom, Mom......Mommm,” I shouted and shouted louder and louder until my vocal cords started hurting. But was hopeless in the end.
“Mommm,” I shouted, opening my eyes, breathing raiply, with all my body covered in sweat.
F**k, even after twelve long years these things still haunt me in my dreams, I stared at my hands, the same hands that were holding mom when she took her last breath, leaving all alone like dad.
I stood from the bed because after this dream sleep is the last thing I want. I don't know how many hours I've lasted, maybe two or three I don’t know, and even though I am tired as heck I can’t make my sleep and have myself haunted by the same thing again and again. All I want now is to clear my mind, maybe a long run and some air can help do that, after all today is my wedding and the day. A small smile plastered on my face thinking about the reaction I’ll get from Gabriel after taking his most precious thing away from him.
I want to see him suffer from the pain of losing someday dear like I did all these years. All because I'm alone, haunted by my own dreams, he is the cause of my father's death and the reason for my mother's suffering, all these years my family is nothing but a victim of his crimes. But not anymore, it's time to payback, this he will be the one to suffer, as I ruin his livelihood day by by day, slowly torturing him while he still alive.
