I rarely go to the mall, but today, I went. For nothing in particular, just felt the need to go. Maybe it’s a push from god, maybe its fate. I’ll never know, mainly because I don’t believe in either. I have lost faith many years ago. Nothing is as it seems, and everything is a lie. I will never believe in god and love again. No one can change my mind. No matter how much my mother wishes she could. A ruined marriage can do that to a person. Then only miserable men lay in my ex’s wake helping beat the rest of what was left of my broken heart. Now there is nothing left. No more pieces to break. The tiny bits that didn’t happen to be crushed from their giant feet, the lowly crumps, I keep locked away and behind a fortress guarded by more guards that I can count. So here I am walking through the mall and all I see are couples around me. Disgusting couples that have yet to realize that they will get hurt in the end. It makes me want to vomit.
I take a detour into Hot Topic, one of my favorite stores. Don’t let the simple jeans and a hoodie look fool you. I got enough piercings to make a metal detector go off. Don’t get me started on my tattoos. I’m older now, but I went through an emo phase. That was high school when I got most of the piercing. The tattoos came later. I always make my way to the industrial piercing case. The clear glass protecting all the tiny metal bars with cute colors and designs. There are horseshoes, belly button and anything you can imagine. Except for my trident. My silver signature piece. The ear ring that represents who I am in a way. I have to tear myself away from the pretty rainbow industrial I’m looking at. I don’t need it, I tell myself.
I walk along the rows of music and band tees. Not looking for anything in particular. I throw on a headset connected to a display screen, in front of the CDs. Each beat different than the last as I swipe through different selections. From Metal to Rock to Pop. Most of it I have never heard of. I don’t really listen to the radio, so my list of music is very short and of only that I’ve heard through people or randomly on YouTube. If I find an artist I like, then usually my list will lengthen with all their songs. After a few minutes of viewing a few masterpieces, I took the headphones off and start to linger my way out of there. I stop and look at the industrial one more time, this time I decide to buy it. Yeah, I know, I don’t need it, but its way to pretty to pass up. So, I make my way out of the store with my new prize, staring at the slim beauty.
Since I’m not looking where I’m going, I usually use my peripheral vision to steer me, but not this time and I run smack dab into a tall legged creature.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going.” I shout out from my spot on the ground, where I graciously landed after hitting him.
“No, the fault is all mine. I wasn’t looking either.”
The voice that came from his lips has me mesmerized, the thick accent that laid over his words captures me. It wasn’t husky like an older man, but it wasn’t feminine either. I don’t know how to describe the singular tone that came from his throat. I immediately looked up and got caught in his chocolate brown eyes. My baby blues can’t compare to those bright wondrous looking eyes. First his voice, now his eyes. Was this man made of chocolate? He’s gorgeous. He has to be a model. The smoky eyeshadow makes those sweet eyes pop, and the foundation lay perfectly on his ivory skin. I have never seen a man look so good in makeup before. I’m sure he gets compliments all the time. I wonder what his boyfriend thinks of his look. There is no way that this man is straight, as much as I want to wish he was.
His shoulder length black hair, with small highlights of blond near the tips, cascades down his face, forming the perfect frame, bringing out those high cheekbones. I continue to stare for a moment longer. Who knows how long I will get to keep this view. Then, just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, he chuckles. He lets out the most perfect sounding laugh I have ever heard. He smiles with it, showing those pearly whites hidden behind his slim lips.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to stare. You are just the most beautiful man I have ever seen.” I pause after listening to what I just said. “I did not mean to say that part out loud. I am so sorry. I’ll leave now.” I snap my eyes to something else and push myself up off the ground.
“No, let me help you.”
He doesn’t give me a choice and grabs my arm to help me up. His grip so light I almost miss it, but it was enough to get me to my feet.
“Thanks” I whisper and go to leave, but again he stops me.
“Your welcome. And your comment is much appreciated. But I can honestly say, I’m not nearly as beautiful as you.” Oh great, now my cheeks are turning red as a tomato. How can he say that? I have no makeup on, my hair is up in a messy bun, pink cheap sunglasses on my head, and I have black holes around my eyes from lack of sleep. I’m wearing my favorite hoodie that probably has cat hair all over it and my black skinny jeans are faded from how long I’ve had them. And don’t get me started on my black knee-high boots that are starting to rip and tear. Wait, he must be bi if he thinks I’m beautiful. Well that’s not bad. “I think you need your eyesight checked.” I couldn’t stop the words from coming out of my mouth. Well at least I’m going back to normal.
“No, I have perfect 20 20 vision.” He laughs shamelessly, keeping his eyes focused on mine.
“Are you sure? Cause I’m a wreck right now. You on the other hand look ready for a date with the queen or a concert. I don’t know, but I couldn’t never look this good.” I gesture to all of him. With his leather jacket and black skinny jeans, his body is slender, but he still has some meat on his bones. He looks like your typical bad boy, but only nicer and way hotter.
“I’m sorry. I should really go now.” My blush still prominent on my face, I keep my eyes to the floor.
“No, please don’t go. Not just yet. I don’t even know your name. Mine is Finn,” His eyes are wide, pleading to me.
“I’m Jess.”
“What a beautiful name. So, Jess, would you like to walk around with me?” I looked at him in shock. No guy I’ve ever met has asked me to walk with them. They usually run away before then. Though, the smile on his face, told me he wasn’t lying. His eyes glistened as they waited for my answer.
“I’m not sure what you’re looking for, but I’m not it.” My face goes serious as I look him in the eyes. Confusion swirled between them.
“I’m not looking...”
“You’re a guy, right? Then you’re looking for the same as any other guy. You’re a good looking one too, so you probably get any girl or guy you want. Go find one of them. I won’t give you what you want.” I explain, being as simple as I can, but harsh. My defense is up and has taken over.
“Not every guy is like that.” His tone deepens, and his expression seems to tighten.
“That’s what they all say.” I pretend to look at my nails, waiting to see if he will retaliate.
“Then let me prove it.” He challenges, his arms are crossed over his chest now, giving him a more intimidating look that is very attractive.
I stare at him, my hand scratching the back of my head trying to find an excuse to leave, but part of me wants to say yes to him. My mother would kill me if I say no. I would get home and tell her all about it and she would kick my ass for not saying yes to such a gorgeous piece of sweetness.
“Sure.” Mother would be proud.
“Don’t look so upset.”
I’m not sure why he’s actually trying. Most guys would have walked away by now. Knowing it’s not worth it. But we turn the way I was walking, and I try and keep my steps up with his. He has long legs and takes long strides. But that didn’t bother me one bit. I was focusing to much on his voice as he talked to me, telling me a story of him and his brother over in their homeland Germany. I listen to his words of fun times, times that remind me of when I was younger. Times I would never get back. We started to walk past the Disney store and I stopped, which made him stop a few steps ahead when he realized I wasn’t there.
“Are you alright if we go in? I need to find a gift for someone.” I asked with a forced grin.
“Of course, I’ll follow you.”
He follows me in and I look around. I pick up small items, spin around glass display cases and snuggle with stuffed animals, checking that it’s just right.
“May I ask what you’re looking for or who its for? I might be able to help.” He asks picking up a small pooh bear trinket.
“Nothing in particular, just whatever pops out at me. It’s for my daughter. I didn’t really want to spring that on you just yet. But I knew I had to stop in.” I answer not looking up from a small jewelry box with Mini Mouse on it. “And I think I found it.” I pick it up ever so carefully, cradling it in my arms.
After checking out we walked back out to continue our walk around the mall.
“Why did you not want to tell me about your daughter? I have nothing against children. In fact, I love kids. I can’t wait until the day I have my own.”
I take a minute before I answer. I don’t like to mention my daughter to strangers. She’s my pride and joy. The only thing I have left to save me in this world.
“She’s very special to me and I don’t like to mention her to people I don’t know. As well most guys would run the other way hearing there is a child involved. Not saying we are involved or anything. I just met you, you just met me. Your probably just being nice to me for us bumping into each other. I’m sure you have a beautiful girlfriend or boyfriend. Wow, I’m sorry. I rant when I’m nervous.” I finally end my spiel after I catch him chuckling silently at me.
“Your fine. I think its cute. And maybe I’d like to be involved. I don’t have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. But I’d very much like to get to know you more.” He said smiling down to me, a few strands of hair cover his face. I want to badly to push them back behind his ear. Nothing should cover that stunning face. Ugh why am I letting him get to me. “And I love kids. I don’t plan on running away. Would you like to get something to eat? I’ll buy.”
Well I can’t say no to that. He just keeps surprising me more and more. There is something about him. I wish I knew what it was, but all I could do right now is nod a yes, with a smile on my face. I’m so glad I came to the mall today.
After a bit of bickering over where to eat, we settle with Cousin subs. I told him he didn’t have to eat at the same place as me, but he felt it would be weird not too. I understand, I usually go wherever someone else wants to go. I don’t normally have a say in the matter. But it was nice to have a say this time. We got our food and went and found a table. That’s when I started to notice something. I noticed it earlier, but I thought it was just a coincidence. Three guys seem to be following us or its Finn. I’m not sure. I just know they are talking quietly and keep looking at us. Now that we are at a table, they are seated a few back from us. I don’t have to turn around to know they are there, I feel their eyes on the back of my head. My instincts are telling me to point my weapon at them and make them identify themselves.
“Finn, don’t make it to obvious, but there are three men sitting a few rows behind us. They have been following us for quite some time now.” I say in a low whisper. He pretends to brush off my shoulder and look behind me. Then he snickers, and I look at him with wide eyes. What is so funny about people following us?
“Those are my friends I came with. The one in the dreadlocks and baggy clothes is my brother Nathaniel. The other two are Leon and Marcus.” He then waves to them and I turn around to look.
They send back smiles; waves and his brother is giving him two thumbs up. They quickly stop, going back to minding their own business when they realized I was looking. I can feel the heat raise to my face and I cover it with both my hands.
