I stared blankly at the ceiling of my room as tears run down my cheeks.
My heart is constantly clenching in pain as I replay the scene in my mind where Sean, my ex, just stood in place, frozen in front of me when he met his ex, Coreen, face to face again in a party when we went in the Philippines for work.
“Hey, are you okay?” I asked when Coreen left and he’s still standing there, frozen in place.
“Uh, yeah.” He looked at me and smiled a bit, but I can already feel his deep thoughts overflowing. He drove me home after that party. He wasn’t really himself after that incident. He still treated me the same way, though I often felt like he was somewhere far away with his thoughts. I felt quite jealous and insecure because of how he reacted to that.
I know to myself that she’s beautiful, but I am too! I know I shouldn’t feel insecure about my looks, but I just can’t help it.
“You know what? I’m so mad at you! Why did you even push him away in the first place? Why did you leave him at the time where he needed you the most?” I shouted at Coreen when I went to talk to her in her office after I broke up with Sean.
“You know nothing.” She replied as tears also started to roll down her cheeks.
“I might not know anything about your reasons but I would never leave the person I love when I know that I am the only one he’s holding on to.” My voice cracked.
“I let go of him.” I said.
Her eyes widened after hearing it.
“I know you still love each other. I can see it on your eyes. Just please, don’t leave him again.” I said painfully and left.
I already saw that this day would come, but why does it hurt so much?
He wasn’t mine, in the first place. Both of us knew that. He even told me the uncertainty of him reciprocating what I feel for him. I knew the danger of being with him, but I risked it because I just loved him so much. I thought that if I would be by his side, that I would fill the emptiness he’s feeling, he’ll eventually love me back.
It never happened, though.
More tears kept falling as I remember the glint of longing and familiarity in their eyes.
It’s like, being an intruder in someone else’s property. And I have to accept that, but it’s damn hard to let go of someone you’ve been loving with all of yourself.
So, I let go.
I broke up with him yesterday. I couldn’t stand the thought of being a stumbling block to their way in getting back together. They were just in denial of their feelings, but their eyes can’t lie. I just hope they did, but I just can’t deny that fact.
I stood up and went in the kitchen to get a glass of water to drink. I can’t cry like this all day.
Oh, please he’s not the only man in this world, Reese. I thought to myself.
But he’s just the one that I see in the future who I’d spend the rest of my life with. Pfff.
I even introduced him to my parents because I was sure of him, though I knew he wasn’t to me.
I heard my phone ring inside my bedroom, so I went to see who it is. It’s mom.
I breathed slowly to level my breathing before I answered the phone.
“Hey, Ma.” I tried to sound happy.
“Reese, how are you? We miss you so, already.” I can sense her smiling on the other side of the phone.
I’ve only been back here in Spain a week ago. I miss them, too. Especially my brothers.
“I’m fine, Ma. I really miss all of you, too.” I smiled.
“So, how’s work? Is it hard? I know Sean is there to help you, but you can just come home and work here, honey.”
“A-about work, I-uhh, I resigned.” my voice quivered.
“What? Why?” Shock and worry was evident in her voice.
“I broke up with Sean,”
“What happened?” she asked.
“I just didn’t want to be the one keeping him and Coreen from not getting back together. Sean didn’t do anything wrong inside our relationship, Ma. It’s just that I can’t help seeing the both of them struggling because of keeping their feelings to themselves.”
I told her everything that happened. I know she’d understand what I’m feeling right now.
“Oh Reese, are you coming home, then?”
“Uh, yeah. Maybe next week. I still need to finish some papers,”
“Alright. Will you be okay? Me and your dad can come tomorrow,”
“it’s okay, ma. I’m not a baby anymore!” We both laughed.
“Okay, okay. You’re a grown woman now.” She giggled.
“You should go somewhere, Reese. Go shopping or something.” she suggested.
“I think, I should,”
“I gotta go, now. Me and your dad have to go somewhere,”
“Oh, okay. Bye. I love you,”
“I love you too, Honey.” she said and ended the call.
I decided to really go to the mall to divert my attention. I got ready and called my cousin, Travis to be with me. I might end up crying again, instead of doing something aside from it. I don’t want that.
Travis is the first person i knew when i came here in Spain because of the obvious reason, he’s my cousin. He’s always there when i needed someone and I to him, too. We only became close when I came here. They only go to the Philippines once every year and he just didn’t seem to be approachable, and he said the same thing to me, too. When I came here, I didn’t have a choice but to approach him, I even had to gather strong courage to talk to him first. I wasn’t that sociable, that’s why.
It’s already 4 in the afternoon when we decided to go home after a long day of shopping, eating and non-stop talking.
I told him everything that happened that week. And i thank him for not talking too much. I just needed someone to absorb all my frustrations and share my pain to. Though, I told mom everything earlier, I didn’t feel satisfied about the relief it made me feel. I don’t know, maybe it’s better telling someone in person.
“So, when are you going home, then?” asked Travis.
“Next week” I answered followed by a sigh.
“Oh, okay. I’ll come with you. I just have something to do there, too. Just buy me a ticket if you get one.”
“What are you going to do there?” I got curious, so I asked.
I saw a hint of hesitation on his face before he answered with a shrug, “Just work.”
I squinted my eyes a bit, his answer is quite suspicious. But i don’t think there’s anything wrong about it. I don’t care if it’s about anything besides work. It’s his life, anyway.
*
The following week, we went back to the Philippines. Mom and dad, together with both my brothers came to meet us at the airport.
“Hey, Princess. Thank God, you finally decided to come home for good.” my second brother, Stav, said with a genuine-looking smile. I squinted my eyes and leaned my face forward to his direction, getting a bit weirded out because it didn’t seem like him.
“You don’t look like you’re eating proper food there.” he laughed and finally flashed his extremely annoying teasing smile.
“I told you to look after her, Travis. What happened? I might just forget the favor you asked me to do.” he turned to Travis at my right side who was frowning.
I wanted to say something back to him but my our older brother spoke with a serious tone that also, made Stav shut his mouth, “Will you stop it, Stav. They just landed, you’re stressing them out.” I looked at Sergo, our older brother who’s also beside mom and dad, and walked towards them to give them a hug.
“I miss you all.” I hugged them tight. We didn’t really have time to be together longer the last time I came here because I only came for work.
“Hey I was the one who greeted you first. Why aren’t you including me in your group hug?” Stav said like a child.
I loosened up and turned to him “That’s not how you greet a princess, kuya.” I called him bro in Filipino. I rolled my eyes jokingly. “Let’s go home already. I’m tired.”
