"Oh my God! It's a girl, a very healthy, beautiful girl" said the doctor.
My mom was laying on the bed, so weak but the strength she had was for her daughter. She smiled and holds me, suddenly tears fell on her cheeks. It wasn't just tears but of joy since it was her wish to have a girl. The doctor took me to the hospital crib for my mom to rest and later my dad arrived and took us home.
It was such a happy family and as I arrived home, my uniqueness was revealed, the respect I got was hard to understand. Family members celebrated, it was my first birthday celebration and unfortunately my last. I was a happy kid and my mom who was known as Mrs Mock would always look deep in my eyes and say "I don't recognize her, she confuses me, one moment her eyes are innocent and if you get used to them they turn to be evil."
She was scared for my life, for my future, for everything but by that time I only had days in the world. My family was not really wealthy but very famous as my dad Mr Mock owned a lot of livestock. I didn't have a name for a week and three days because my parents struggled to get a name that's suits me but in a second week in day four they gave me the name, Camila. I was the first child of them with a cute name, my two brothers, the older one is Lee and the other is Kat and they only had three letters only mine contained six letters.
I grew up very faster than normal and people thought I'm abnormal, I became a surprise myself. Everything happened so fast and I became the smartest among my mom's children. At the age of 4 I went to a creche in my village, age 6 I went to primary school. I hated school with all my heart, I'd always be accompanied by my mom to school almost everyday and I'd always be sick at school and be sent back home almost everyday. I just couldn't leave my mom, I thought I'll loose her and my dear made me find ways to dodge school and be with her but still I was still a kid.
When I was 9, my mom got pregnant and wow! I was about to have a little sister or brother, I was really excited because I wanted to know how it feels to be called "Sis Camila". When my mom was 5 months pregnant, she got sick, not just sick but a serious thing and be admitted to a hospital. She was in critical condition and be transferred to another hospital which is in the capital city of our country. I was scared that I'm loosing her but I was the strongest in the family. My brothers would always be in tears as they talk about mom and I never had even a single tear but my fear was killing me deep inside.
I saw my life without my mom and I struggled to understand it, I started working hard and liking school as it was my mom's wish. I thought that maybe it's then only thing I could do at that moment before I regret, she couldn't get help and be taken by my dad to South Africa. My dad didn't only own livestock, he was also a mine worker, he took my mom with her and be sent to hospitals in there. I had hope that she'll be fine but so unfortunately, when she left us to South Africa was when we last saw her alive.
A week passed and my dad would always tell us that our mom is getting better, you can imagine our hopes. After three weeks, mom called asking us about Christmas clothes as it was November, the month she always buy clothes for us. I was so relieved, from stress, fear and happiness ran all over me, I could feel in my blood that she's okay and she's going to see us again. You never know and understand when people say, "when a sick person who we see no hope in them gets better, it means they're leaving us" and after two days I got and understood it.
My brother Lee was 23 and Kat was 15, Lee was just a hustle who always comes back every night and sleep with us, Kat was in grade 10 and I was in grade 3. Schools were now closed for Christmas holiday and one morning, I was still in bed and it was around 7:00am when we heard a knock on the door. I got really annoyed because when I'm resting, I don't need anything to distrupt my sleep. I pretended to fall asleep and I heard Lee leaving his room to open up. My sleep was really interacted and I couldn't fall asleep again, my focus now is to hear shows at the door that early if not my mom.
I heard a woman voice and woke up and hurried to the kitchen thinking my mom's back, so sad, it wasn't her but bad news coming in early hours. I found Kat standing near the door, with tears in his eyes and he couldn't control them, I freaked out but had no thought that something happened to my mom. I stood up near him and outside the door was two women, my mom's friend and the chief's wife. One thing that came to my mind was "maybe the livestock destroyed one of the villager's crops or something"
" But why is Lee crying?" I asked myself but I had no answer.
I looked at my mom's friend and looked deep in her eyes, she looked down but all their reactions never popped up a thought about my mom.
"Is everything okay Lee?" I asked my brother
Lee was 14 years older than me but sometimes I'd forget to respect him and just say his name. He couldn't answer me, he kept crying and by that moment, Kat came in from his room and I left to my room. Still not thinking of my mom because I spoke to her last night.
I heard my mom's friend crying and I went back, everyone was in tears and after some time my place was full of people. No one said even a word to me to make me understand what was happening. I sat in the sitting room and watched cartoons, I laughed and enjoyed as they really are my favorites. I overheard Lee talking to one of my uncles, Mr Tom
"She's so happy and I don't know how to tell her" Lee said
"Don't worry, I will tell her" that's Mr Tom
"No, I doubt" Said Lee
"At least let me try" Mr Tom responded
Mr Tom entered the sitting room and sat near me, he watched cartoons with me but I was really hoping that he'll say something as I overheard them talking about "she" and I suddenly thought that "she" wasn't me. He looked at me and muted the TV, I looked at him angrily wondering what was so important that he even had to mute the TV.
He couldn't look into my eyes for a long time, he kept looking sideways.
"You're mom's gone" Tom said and I responded, "Okay"
That was really the hardest thing to swallow, I didn't even understand what it meant and it was just like this person says I'm going to see my mom but "gone" means something different. I unmuted the TV and enjoyed my cartoons again because his statement was not clear to me at all. Tom left and after some time Lee entered and sat near me, he hugged me and I was shocked because he never did something like that to me before.
He said, "We'll never see Mom again, she left us"
"To where?" I asked
"She's dead, I'm so sorry Camila but don't worry, Lee, Kat and dad are here for you" Lee said as tears falls on his cheeks.
Everything sounded like a dream, it was like I understand what he's saying but nothing really made sense. I stood up and went to my room, Lee followed me but I just took my teddy bear and played. He sat on my bed and looked at me with mercy, i didn't even know the meaning of death. I heard people arriving, my other family members even those I didn't even know.
I started wondering what's really going on. Lee left me and most people were literally crying, confusion ran in my mind because it's already 10:00am and my mom's not here, no call from dad. I don't even have a phone, everyone's busy and stressed but nothing really made sense.
I felt in my veins that something's wrong, I started thinking what it means like " someone's gone...she's dead" it then clicked to my mind that when something's dead, we'll never see it again, it will not work again. I felt like I'm loosing my mind, the same mom who sounded healthy yesterday on phonecall is now dead.
In that confusion, one would think it cried, no I didn't. Even a single tear did not fall, my mind became way bigger than me and I started seeing like differently. My mom was everything to me, she was my best friend, my mom and my shoulder to cry on, I could feel my heart breaking inside me, I could feel my mind leaving me. I felt my personality changing in seconds, I saw the world differently, harshly and unfair. I started what I did wrong that made my mom leave me, I blamed myself for nothing.
I wanted something to blame but I only saw the world being the only thing to blame, still not forgetting my age, I was only 9 years. I felt like crying so loud but what was the use if I had no tears to fall. I felt like screaming but the place and time wasn't right, I thought that would be my biggest weakness. I locked myself in my room and never wanted to see anyone, I played with my teddy bear. My mind grew so faster than my body and age, I thought like an adult.
People left and only my family members left though it wasn't all of them. Kat stood on my room door, begging me to open up. I opened but he was shocked to see me playing and not doing anything stupid.
"Still hates a lot of people lil sis?" Kat asked
I replied "yah, it was even noisy outside, I felt uncomfortable"
"How are you going to live with this character? You really have to get used to being around people. It's not a bad thing, just enjoy their company" Said Kat and he continues "why don't you visit Kay? She's the only one you're close to, well, I except mom"
Kay is my cousin who we always fight and play together. She's the only one who competed with my mom, she was the other friend of me, my sister,she was a year older than me and we seemed to understand each other. She was one of my cousins with her own personality too.
By that time, the confusion in me and the vision of my new lifestyle made me forgot that I still got the crazy cousin who can make me forget all my pain. Kat left and everything started hitting differently, I started thinking of what he said, about my personality. I understood what he meant but I was scared, scared of the world and everything, I wondered if I'll really feel comfortable around people.
"Mom!" I said and suddenly tears finally fell on my cheeks, it was then that I was taking away all my pain. I cried a lot but no one recognized me because I was all alone. I cried and accidentally fell asleep, when I woke up it was around 1300hrs. I had headache and my eyes were swallown.
