Prologue
If someone had told me that I would wake up one morning, go to Walmart, bump into a Greek God who I now live with, then I would have laughed in their face, pat their shoulder in mock sympathy, and walked away from the poor, clueless and delusional soul.
However, things didn't exactly go according to plan. Well, nothing in my life does.
Life just loves to mess with me. I mean, seriously. I was deemed a social pariah in high school, people were shit scared of me after I had punched a guy in College, which I was expelled for, and on top of all that, I get kidnapped.
Yes, me. The girl who punches people because they ask her out on a date, got kidnapped. The fucking girl who slashes tires at Wall Mart for fun.
Yep, you could say Life and I are B.F.F's.
But what scared me most out of the whole experience, was actually liking it. I mean honestly, what kind of sane human enjoys being kidnapped?
None, you say?
Correction! One.
Me.
And yes, I'm sane. Although that could be debatable... Anyway, that's not the point. The point is I'm liking being kept away from my life.
I don't exactly think that's normal. Maybe I'm not sane...
And the funniest part out of this whole experience is it all started with a mushroom.
Yep, you heard right.
A mushroom.
Seriously? Well don't be fooled. They are evil little rascals who team up with incredibly good looking people in kidnapping me. They used to be my favourite vegetable.
Well not any more. The little bastards betrayed me.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, right.
I like being kidnapped.
It's not that I like the idea of being kidnapped, it's the experience. Seriously, it's not every day you get kidnapped, and if you play your cards right, you might enjoy it.
I did. But apparently I'm not mentally stable...
But anyway, it's not like if you're being kidnapped, you're automatically dead. And who knows, some people may be happy you're gone.
I knew my dad was.
And the funny thing is, I didn't overly miss people while I was gone. Yeah, sure I missed my brother, and my Mom, but that's pretty much it. My only friend moved to freakin' New York, the bloody lucky bastard.
He called every day, so that was good. And before you guys all say, aww poor guy, friend—zoned!
No, he's not friend—zoned. He's gay. An extremely hot gay who looks like an Abercrombie model. I actually helped him come out. That's kinda how we became best friends.
His name is Eddie by the way.
That's such a cool name. Eddie. It just rolls of the tongue.
Eddie. Ed—d—d—i—i—e. Edward. Eduardo. Edmund. Edmund the elephant.
You know what a really cool name is?
Estaban Julio Ricardo Montoya Del Rosa Ramirez.
Now that's a kick ass name.
Unlike Moira. That's a weird name. Moira. Moo. Moora.
Moora. Haha, Moora the cow.
I'm so funny.
******
I groaned as mom handed me the list of groceries to buy.
"Why can't you get Leon to do it?" I asked, dragging my feet lazily to the front door.
"I'm not quite sure if you've noticed dear, but Leon moved out three years ago." I huffed in annoyance, and put my converse shoes on angrily.
"Stupid lucky brother." I muttered childishly as I stood and opened the door.
"Here's money for the groceries, and a little extra so you can buy something for yourself." I smiled despite my feelings about going grocery shopping in winter, and gave her a hug.
"Thanks mom. Love you!" I called as I stepped out of the house.
"Love you too. Be careful!" I began my walk to the closest Wall—Mart near our house, and whistled a tune at random. I eyed the trees and shrubs that were covered in snow.
I love winter. I love being able to just wear a ton of clothes, look like a marshmallow crossed with an elephant, and not be judged.
"Hi, welcome to Walmart!" I scoffed, rolling my eyes at the overly cheery lady that stood at the entrance, welcoming people.
I never understood the purpose of them, but whatever.
I strolled lazily down the aisles, looking for anything worth buying. I picked out a box of Lucky Charms, and put them in the small cart I was pushing around. I whistled loudly, getting disapproving looks from the other shoppers. I poked my tongue out at them, which caused a gasp to come out of their stupid mouths. I snickered, shaking my head.
"Ah, the joys of Walmart." I continued my trek down the aisles, dragging my feet across the ground and leaning my weight on the cart. I entered the fresh produce section, looking over the list mom gave me whilst doing so. My cart bumped into something, which made me look up instantly.
"Shit." I hissed. "Sorry dude. Totally didn't see you there." I said to the guy who was glaring at the cart. He looked up at me, to which I smiled sheepishly, and gave a short wave. "I'll be going now." I said, moving around his body to get to the mushrooms.
I grinned, looking at the mushrooms that ranged from tiny, to ginormous. I love mushrooms. They're so cool. Like mini trees, except smoother, lankier and a hell lot tastier.
I began whistling again, bopping my head up and down. I could feel a gaze on the side of my head, and turned to see the guy I bumped into earlier looking at me. I raised an eyebrow, turning back to my beloved mushrooms.
"Weirdo." I muttered, putting a really large mushroom and a small one into the cart. I don't intend on eating them though. That's just mean. They deserve to live a life. A wondrous, mushroom filled life.
The shop was eerily silent. I looked around, surprised to see that not a single soul was around. Just a second ago there were people.
Weird...
