Marie, 4 years old.
I'm looking at my mom as she cries with both her hands covering her face sitting on the tattered old sofa with lots of holes -from years of usage and childish accidents- that was given to us by grandmother years ago, dad had just walked out the door after flipping the small plastic table me and my twin sister, Cris, were eating dinner on while sitting on the floor, likely to go back to his drinking mates. Our dinner, on the floor,.. Eggs, rice and soy sauce all over. He wanted the table as more of his friends came bringing liquors and lacking of tables to use for them to drink comfortably. Mom had refused to give it as it is the only table left for her children to use so they can eat comfortable though sitting on the floor as all our chairs are being used by father's friends, there was a lot of arguments. I don't understand what was going on, my sister and I remained quiet as the shouts and throwing of hands were happening in front of us. Scared but I'm still hungry, I know my sister is too, she eats more than me though still considered underweight, still weighs more than me. If I'm still hungry, what more for her? My mom still crying, I saw some of the eggs and rice that we weren't able to touch much on the floor. I picked them up using my small hands and put them back on the plastic plate that I was using. After gathering as much as I can, leaving the table unturned, i gave the food to my sister. "Here, let's eat" I said to my sister, my sister watching me as I picked up all the food on the floor and presenting the food in front of her. Not crying. So used to the fighting, shouting, hitting, my dad and his friends happy shouts and laughter outside our house. Hearing what I said, my mom composed herself, wiped all her tears and faced us with a tearful smile. Seeing our mother smile again, my sister and I continued eating using our hands. "Mama, don't cry, we don't need the table, let's give what Papa wants so he can leave us alone". My twin sister said to our mom as she holds our mom's hand when she sat with us on the old-darkened by age, carpeted floor. Hearing this made our mother's tears run down once more while holding a smile on her face. "Yes my child, but you shouldn't eat these anymore" she said as she tries to put away the plate I was holding. "We have some milk powder and more rice, do you want some milky rice? You like that don't you both?" Our mother asked while looking at the both of us. "But I want these Mama" Cris, my twin sister said, looking at the eggs and rice, taking the plate from my hands. She sets it on the floor and started eating, seeing her do so, I joined in. Our mom watching, patting my sister's head as we eat, tears running down her delicate cheeks.
The next day, I was woken up by our mom as she picks me up from our bed were the whole family sleeps. Still dark outside, my sister asleep beside me. With sleepy eyes, still drowsy, I tried to go back to sleep as our mom carries me but with all the movements it was hard to do so. "Mama?"
"Shhh, be quiet my child, don't worry, put your head on my shoulder and go back to sleep." Mother said.
With half closed eyes, I saw my twin sister still sleeping alone on our bed in the dark room getting further and further,.. I do as I was told.
Woken up by the cold wind blowing on my face. I opened my eyes. I looked around. I'm sitting on my mother's lap as she stares out the window,.. we're on a public bus. Young as I am, it was my first time riding on a bus and not knowing what a bus is. Not understanding what's happening, I tried to search for my sister, looking for her familiar eyes, knowing that she would also have no idea what's going on, hoping to hold on to a kindred feeling that I am not the only one not understanding. But I can't find her. I looked to the front and back of the bus, hoping she's nearby somewhere, none, nowhere, I can't see my sister. "Mama?" Looking at my mother.
Looking back at me my mother responded "hmm?".
"Cris is missing, I don't see her, she may be in the bathroom, can I look for her?" Not understanding the difference between houses and automobiles.
My mother stared at me with an aching look, brushed my hair and hugged me.
"I'm sorry dear, Cris won't be with us for a while, we're going to grandma and grandpa's house and Cris will be staying with Papa". She smiled.
"Why? Why is Cris with Papa? Why can't she be with us?" My eyebrows twisting upward, tears building up as I realized that I won't be seeing my sister.
My mother swallowed. "It's only for a mean time. We'll go back for her and the three of us will be together again, okay?." My mother said with pleading eyes, trying to calm me down.
I sobbed, containing my cries out loud, aware that grown ups dont like noises, that's how it is with our father, our father's sister, aunt Laida, and other relatives in my father's side who lives in the house beside ours. They don't like me and my sister when we cry. When mother is not home, they tease, ignore, and show us stuff they have, parading them in front of us, making me and my sister jealous, envying them. Both the grown ups and their children, our cousins, who are older than us.
After awhile, my cries and sobs subsided. Staring blankly at the seat beside us, my mother still holding me on her lap. With a quiet voice I talked, "Mama? Can we go back for Cris tomorrow? She'll be sad alone. I know she will miss us, she'll get bullied, aunt Laida will hit her with sticks and brooms if she sees her, I won't be there to cover her body."
Staring at me with surprise, my mother asked what I meant.
"When you and Papa fight and you go out, not home for days and Papa's with his friends he also doesn't come home for days, we tell aunt Laida we're hungry sometimes, she told us we need to do chores and work for our food, sometimes they smell sour and funny, if Cris makes a mistake she hit her with a broom, I try to cover her, asking aunt Laida if I can take the hits instead. Mama,.. I know Cris will be scared. Please let's go back for her." I explained.
Mother hugged me, her body shaking, I hear her sniff, and with a croaked voice, my mother said "o-okay, we'll come back tomorrow, we'll come back for Cris and take her with us, now go to rest some more, I'll wake you up once we arrive at grandma and grandpa's house."
