Olivia's POV
Despite the odds, I have somehow made it out alive from high school. I wouldn't say that I came out unscathed. I went through it all alone with no friends to trust or a soul to share my pain. Pain, the word that summarizes my existence. The hope that it would disappear is long gone. Embracing it has become a habit for me. I find myself driving my ancient, barely working car through the moonlit woods to the only place where I can find solace.
After reaching the graveyard, I park my car near the entry gate and carry the flowers along with the University acceptance letter to share my happiness with my father. I switch on the torch and read the words REST IN PEACE GEORGE MATHEWS, engraved on the tombstone for the umpteenth time in the last twelve months, and wonder why we can't let someone live in peace instead of rest in peace? He worked as a reporter for a prominent news channel in the past.
We lived quite a decent life until he gave in to alcohol and drugs a few years ago. He promised me and my stepmother, Sophie, that he would give up the substances, but he never did. When I was six, I lost my mother, and he was the only person who could comfort me during that difficult time.
Despite a year, I remember everything that transpired on this exact date. I came home from school to find a suicide note written by my dad. Before that day, he never once showed any sign of unhappiness, dissatisfaction, or distress. He gave me so much positivity that I was blinded by it and couldn't grasp what he was going through.
Upon reading the message, I entered his room, but he was already gone. Tears welled up my eyes and flowed until there was nothing left as I read it. It was at that moment I realized that forever is not always going to last forever. I am snapped back to reality from my thoughts by a bird that sprung out from nowhere. It flew so near to me that I almost thought it would strike my nose.
"Phew! that was close," I soliloquize. With a tint of hope, I present to him the letter of acceptance I received from Calibre Institute Of Technology to study Computer Science Engineering. I hope he would be pleased to see me heading in the right direction.
After saying goodbye to my dad, I return to our home to discover Sophie brooding over the fact that he hasn't provided any financial stability. I am beyond exhausted to argue with her because it's like crying in the rain: it's in vain.
Like anyone's crush ignores their admirer's texts, she ignores my existence. She's too busy feeding her 16- year -old son, James, to acknowledge my presence. Sophie and James are so affectionate that they have been asking me whether I received an acceptance letter or not on an hourly basis since the day I applied for it. They want to get rid of the heavy baggage, me, as soon as possible, and they depict it clearly through their actions.
She even packed my luggage beforehand -two weeks ago, saying, "It would be easier for you to settle down in the dorm if everything is packed."
Now that the day they have been anticipating so dearly has arrived, they are elated. As soon as I get back to my room, I gather my certificates and other documents required to apply for a student loan.
After settling down my things and setting my alarm for 6 a.m., I try to sleep but fail at it, knowing that tomorrow will be the first day of college and the first step towards fulfilling my father's and my dream. I could be wallowing in my pain by complaining about how nobody wants me.
However, I wouldn't dare do that anymore. Now is the time to prove myself and lead an accomplished life. I don't want to miss my shot at happiness by succumbing to the demons in my mind. I slowly drift off to sleep by listening to my favorite hip-hop songs. They help me get through any pain.
Since my anxiety won't let me sleep, I wake up before my alarm goes off. The dorm supervisor had told me he'd let me know if there was a vacancy, so I check my phone. Thank god! There's a message from him saying that exactly one room got vacated yesterday. I take four spoonfuls of oatmeal and shove them into my mouth after getting ready with my luggage to move out.
Just as I am about to leave for good, Sophie appears from the kitchen and says, "I know I didn't treat you well. Still, I wish you good luck. However, don't expect any help from us." Her words baffle me. Nevertheless, I am resistant to her criticism and lack of empathy. Her remarks and actions no longer have the same effect on me as they once did.
Thus, I offer her one of my best fake smiles and get in the cab. I train my mind to focus only on what I should be thinking about, studies and student loans. Since people always leave when you become attached to them, I prefer to catch a cold than a feeling.
Therefore, I am not interested in dating while in college. I'm done trying to fit in and act like a "cool kid." My attempt to befriend everyone I came into contact with resulted in them using me as their emotional helpline when they are down, then turning their back on me when things return to normalcy. This time I'm going to start everything anew and mind my effing business for once. I need to chastise myself not to lose my shit trying to fix others, or else I'll be an emotional wreck by the end of the day.
The cab driver's honk brings me back to the present from my reverie. As I glance at my University for the first time, I feel a rush of happiness and anxiety. It's spread over what seems like more than 10 hectares of land. Despite my longtime residence in suburban LA, I had barely explored the city since I had no one to take me around, and I just recently passed my driver's test after so much time and effort.
Although I enjoy driving around my city, Sophie never gave me the keys unless there was an earth-shattering emergency, and my dad was always out of town. Having paid the cab driver's fare, I make my way to the dorm inquiry to confirm my room and collect my keys. With much hustle, I unpack and set up my room.
A perk of my room is that I don't have a roommate yet, and my antisocial side is so happy. I don't like people intruding on my personal space, especially while coding or reading a novel. There is nothing more pleasant than being in my world unperturbed by fake people. Reading and coding may not seem like a natural combination, but they fit nicely together in my life. I feel a sense of belonging and love through books when I struggle to see the light in such a dark world. As I check the schedule outside of the dorm, I snap a picture with my phone.
Upon returning to the room, I remove my hood and enjoy this new beginning. I finally set the alarm for 7 a.m. and drift off to slumber peacefully for the first time in years since tomorrow gives me something to hope for.
