Being the first child of a Chicago farmer is not always that easy when you think of the heartache and struggle one has to go through on daily bases.
I am the first child of Mr. and Mrs. Becky Johnson, a devoted Christian who places value on big and small things; a diligent, humble, and hard-working farmer.
We owned a small cottage and a piece of land where we farm, not too far from Illinois in Chicago.
We were not that wealthy, but it was enough to put food on our table, well at least until my siblings came into the picture.
Lisa and Lora weren’t twins, but they looked and behaved like one and were greatly admired by others because of how brave and intelligent they were. I love them to the bone, and I will do anything as long as they were happy.
--------------
Now eighteen, I was supposed to enroll in a local college on the outskirts of our town, and boy, how excited I was. It has always been my dream to go to college, but since we weren’t that financially stable, I never voiced it out until dad said I should go.
Mom and Dad were ready to sponsor me. I didn’t know how they were going to do it, so all I had to do was prepare myself, even if it was late. That was my plan until I found out that my going will hold Lisa and Lora back from school because we had not paid their fees since Grade 2 and I later discovered that all the money dad had then was saved for my college entrance.
To be honest, that didn’t sit well with me; I mean, Lisa was barely twelve and Lora was just ten years old. Every morning, I loved to watch the joy on their faces when they made a run for the school bus, and when they return or the fight between themselves when they argue about a single spelling.
These little things made me happy and I know they were too. Both were eager to learn new things, and they were happy to be taught.
Now, what would happen to the eagerness to learn or the radiant smile they always wore when going and coming back from school? I didn’t want to think about that or the fact that our model society has so much patronized education to where, without it, you have no stands.
“This is not right. I can’t let this happen.” I pondered alone in my room.
-----------------
The next morning, we sat down to eat not so much of a breakfast, just vegetables and water. Lisa and Lora didn't have their usual cheerful expression. “I guess they heard,” I murmur to myself as I tried to eat something. I didn’t have the appetite, but leaving the food meant wasting it and in my home that was forbidden, so I just took my spoon and forced a lot down my throat, which made me tear up.
“Wow, calm down Mary no one is taking your food away.” Mom queried
“Yeah,” I replied hastily, just wanting to finish it, and hurried to my room.
“Mary,” Dad called out to me.
“Yes, papa?” I raised my head to face him
“Here, take this.” Dad handed over me an envelope, which I took. I looked inside and it was full of money. Even if a spirit had told me that my parents had such money saved up, I would not believe it. I looked at my pa in awe “this is a huge sum of money.”
“Of course, it is.” Mom replied, “Your father and I had been saving it up for your college.”
“Oh.” I should be happy but I am not, saving it up? This means they had to work ten times harder than before, looking at both of them now, they looked old and haggard for their age, I looked at my father sadly “but papa….”
“It’s okay.” Father said “Your mother is right. we have been saving up ever since you said, you dreamed of going to college. I already called the school. Even if it’s late they are ready to give you one more chance; so you have…..”
As dad continued, I half paid attention to him, as I observed my sisters at the other end, Lora stared at her food blankly, trying to fight back tears. Lisa being the older one, was trying to act tough as she spoke to me, “Wow, big sis, you are going to college? I’m happy for you. We are going to miss you.” When she smiled, I knew she meant it.
I couldn’t hold it in anymore and just teared up, I sob like a child. While dad just watched me confusedly; mom hurried to my side “What is going on with you?” mom asked worried “Why are you crying like a child?”
Instead of answering her, I cried harder, then Lisa worriedly asked “Was it something I said?” she looked from dad to mom and then back to me, about to tear up “I am sorry, I didn’t ….”
When I saw the single tear in her eyes I hurried to her side and called her into my arms, I hugged her tightly as I said, “Oh Lisa,” I said between tears “it is not something you did, I am so, so sorry.”
“What? I don’t understand. Why are you apologizing? You did nothing wrong.” she said, confused.
“No, I did everything wrong.” I sob as I held her face up; I can’t let them be driven to an edge this early. “Can you ever forgive me?” I asked in tears.
Lisa took my hand from her face, she teared up as well, and Lora followed “of course, big sis.” She sniffs and added, “I forgive whatever you think you did wrong.” She smiled and it was the best.
“Thank you,” I said and stood, and patted both her and Lora’s heads.
“Mary.” Father who had been quiet, called me.
“Yes, papa?” I answered as I dried my tears.
“I don’t know what happened or what you think you did wrong but everything will be okay; alright?”
“Of course, papa,” I said as I returned to my seat. I knew what I had to do. My mind was made up and they are no turning back now. I looked up at my father who was observing me, perhaps waiting for me to say something. Determined, I handed over the envelope back to him “I can’t accept this, sorry papa.”
While dad remained quiet, mom attacked me with questions “What are doing, Mary? This is your tuition fee and nothing else.”
“Why?” Father calmly asked me.
I sighed “Papa, this money is meant for my tuition, right?”
“Yes.” Dad replies “two years of it to be precise.” He added as he ate.
“Lisa and Lora’s fees will only take half of this money, right?” I asked again
“What are you trying to say, Mary? Speak in a language I will understand.” He said as he looked at me with questions and confusion in their eyes. All of them stared.
“Yes, sorry.” I paused then continued “I think it’s best if the money is used for their tuition and probably take care of a few things in the house, God knows they are many things to take care of.”
“Are you even listening to yourself, Mary? For years you have been dreaming of college, even if you didn’t say it out, we figured it out with the longing you had on your face whenever those college students pass by the farm.” Mother was clearly angry. She continued “We had to sell a lot of things, worked a lot of shifts just for you to go to college, and now that the dream is within your reach, you are giving it to your siblings? What is wrong with you?”
“But mom…”
“Don’t you mom me, you’re our first child, Mary, and you must be educated, whether you like it or not. Your sisters are still young they can continue their education some other time but not you.”
I watched my sisters from the corner of my eyes, their head was bent down and they trembled, no doubt crying from mother’s harsh words. I closed my eyes as I prayed to a higher power for confidence and strength because I will need it to persuade my stubborn mother “No mother, that’s not fair.”
“What?” She was shocked, did I just challenge her? Papa remained silent and just watched.
Yes. In my family, things like breaking the house rules, which are a lot by the way; challenging and throwing words at your parents or elders whether they be in the wrong or not, are never permitted. Devoted Christians, did I mention?
But It was about my sisters, if I don’t stand up for them now, when will I ever? “Sorry if I sounded kind of rude but I don’t think this is the right way to go about it.”
“And what do you know about the right way, Mary? You are just eighteen. Are you going to teach your parents how to do the right thing?” she asked glaringly.
“That’s not what I meant, mother.” Annoyed now
“Oh really? What did you mean then? Please do tell.” She added blankly
“Being the first child doesn’t mean I have to be the only educated one in the family.” I paused, looked from dad to mom, both just silently watched me and I continued “I can always go to college or university, If I study hard enough, sure it won’t be that easy but I’m your child, I have brains, I am confident, brave, hardworking. Mom, I can do anything, work or go to school if I want to; not going now won’t stop me in the future, but what about them?” I asked pointing at Lisa and Lora, who were now staring at me with hope in their eyes and I drew confidence from it. “Mama, society is advancing every day, and five years from now Lisa will be sixteen and Lora fifteen can they still go to grade 1? No of course not, even if they tried. It will be too traumatic for them. The constant stare they will get from little kids, and they obviously can’t go to college without coming out from grade school.” Should I end it here? I pondered. ‘Nope, since they’re giving me this chance to raise my voice, I need to lay it all out.’ I murmur to myself.
But then Lora spoke up “big sister, I am sure that’s not what papa and mama meant. I mean we can always go to school again, right?” she asked but turned to mom.
But I replied to her “how are you so sure about that Lora? If you haven’t noticed, things are not really going smoothly for us. If this chance passes by, do you think you and your sister will ever be able to go to school? What happened if the work you decided to do in the future needs a well-educated person? What will you do then?”
She slumped in her chair “Oh... I didn’t think of it that way.”
“Yes, that's because you are still young and you need me, papa, and mama to think, I can still go to school, at twenty-eight even thirty; I can go to school. Married women go to school, college, and universities but not grade A. Mama, think about it. Five years coming I will be twenty – three, I can take the pressure, and I can do whatever the world throws at me. I mean I’m a Johnson for crying out loud, and as a Johnson, we were taught to be strong, bold, and upright. So, it doesn’t matter what year mother, I can always go to school, but not them. When their fresh memory begins to slide and they start losing interest in schools or learning, what will you do then? Because either we like it or not, it will happen.” I said as I looked at my mother for her to respond to that.
