HE WEAKLY sat at the edge of his bed while hugging the urn which contained his mother’s ashes. Few days ago, his mother finally left the world after more than two years of battling her illness, ovarian cancer. Those were tough years but despite all she suffered, he never saw his mother lost hope and full of sadness. Instead, she bravely and joyfully faced all the trials and pain that she encountered and not even once she regretted being alive even during her final moments. She remained strong until her last breath.
His mother was his pillar of hope and joy and to lose her means a part of him died too. They may not mother and son in blood but there’s no doubt that they were real mother and son in heart. She was his shoulder to lean on and his stronghold. Nothing about his life that was unknown to her and she loved him despite his ugly past and all his flaws. She was the first person who accepted him without hesitations and doubts. She filled his dark and harsh world with joy and love. She never let him felt that he was adopted. She treated him like a real son.
“I’m just in the study room if you need me,” his uncle, the younger mother of his mother told him. Like him, his uncle had suffered a great deal because of his mother’s passing. They both witness his mother’s journey until the last days of her short yet meaningful life. Like his mother, his uncle also had been a good uncle to him. He’s stricter but still loving in his own way. When he became legally part of the family, he treated him like a real nephew and his uncle was his father figure.
“Thanks, Uncle.”
His pet dog Guava entered the room and sat beside him, whimpering, his own way of grieving for him. Then he heard the door closed and he felt the loneliness even more.
He sobbed with too much pain in his chest while still hugging the urn. Until that moment, he didn’t know what his life would be now that he lost his mother, his guiding light. It was as if his heart was torn apart with so much sadness and pain and he didn’t know how to take those unbearable emotions. While crying, he looked up and stared at the big portrait displayed on the wall opposite to the bed and it was as if reminding him of the things he wanted to forget yet would be forever be carved in his life and identity.
He wiped his tears then walked towards the portrait, the last painting his mother had painted. Even if his mother was the one who created that artwork, he just couldn’t like it because he didn’t want it to be created in the first place. He hated the lady painted in that portrait because that lady reminded him of the weaknesses he couldn’t tolerate. He wanted her out of their lives and he would make it happen no matter what. He had succeeded living without her for many years and he could do it for many years to come.
“Get lost. I don’t need you,” he angrily cried. “You should not have lived in the first place. You may have brought Mama happiness but that’s it, it’s over. Don’t ever return,” his tears were full of both irritation and determination, as if the lady in the painting could hear his spiteful words.
“I will not be weak again nor let myself down. I will always be the strongest version of myself and no one will ever defeat me, whoever or whatever. Not even you,” he promised then wiped his tears and hugged the urn tightly.
“Mama, I know you won’t like my decision but I just can’t accept her. I just can’t let her in again. I want to live a life that you would be proud of, a peaceful life and it will only be possible if I’m one and lone.”
From that moment on, he promised to be stronger so that the lady in the portrait won’t have any place in his life. He would do everything so that the lady won’t be able to set foot in his life ever again.
