-Daigo's POV-
Being the headline of the magazines has been a part of my life. Likewise, being the focus of shooting and public talk.
I'd lived this life since I was ten. That was the first time I'd started a career as an actor.
My father is one of the famous film directors and my mom is the owner of Horu Enterprise, which is also well known in most countries.
There is no doubt that every man wishes to be in my position. I always get everything that I want...
Money...
Cars...
Women...
Popularity...
Success...
Despite how many times I try to appreciate this kind of thing, I still can't figure out why almost all the time I just feel...empty.
Like there's a hole inside me that hasn't been occupied which I can't decipher myself.
As if a part of me is missing, though I have no idea what the hell is it and what am I supposed to do in order to find it.
It was most likely when you'd succeeded to win the most prestigious award but you're still not feeling anything. Like it doesn't make any difference if you have won or lost.
And as for this week, I have made several performances at a few concerts across the countries just like the usual previous week.
Singing...
More singing...
And of course photo shooting...
More photoshoots...
As if it was my routine to make all of these.
My fans are yelling at me...
Pleading and begging me to recognise each one of them.
Which...I give it to them anyway.
Even if I had to fake a smile every time they flashed me with their cameras.
They called me inspiration to young generations but...
Do I?
If only they knew how it was living, pretending to be okay even when it's absolutely not... because you can't change anything.
You can't do anything as it has already been a huge part of your life.
Because if you step back, you might have lost everything you had.
I could imagine what I'm going to face if I wanted to leave this life, but I can't stop myself from thinking of it every damn day.
One of the reasons is that maybe I was kind of desperate to get my satisfaction...
Or maybe, there's a tiny part of me that knows that there's a way that could help me to find what I want for real.
It was late in the evening when I got back from the concert today. I was about to get back home when Dean texted me.
Dean: Yo mama, sexy. Out for drinks?
My lips etched up as I read his text. I quickly text him back.
Me: Drinks on you!
Dean and I had been friends since I entered the life of a star. He was known as a famous rapper while his father owns the I.M.A recording studio which I used to work for.
Dean: I paid last time. It's on you now, playboy.
Me: You better give me something worth coming for.
Dean: I got some hot chicks. I think I'll give you one. Hurry up. First come, first served.
Me: Be at ten.
If anyone knows me better than myself, well, it is Dean.
Dean is the only person that I frequently hang out with. I have a few more friends, but I know for some reason, they just talk to me because I'm from a f*cking wealthy family.
Dean is different from the others. Though he's also one of the stars, he's a nice person, to be honest.
I never see him as a different person when he's in a concert or behind the cameras. After all, he's just himself, and that's why I let him close to me.
We'd spent a lot of time together, and most of it, we just enjoyed our night at the club where we could lose our drinks, just like tonight.
When I arrived at the club, it was already almost midnight. So, not bothering those drunk people that keep bumping on me, I immediately head to the main entrance and scanned for the dark brunette, brushed back wavy hair guy because somehow, I know that he's no longer going to check his phone if I text him again.
"Hey, baby. Are you alone?" I turn just to look at a redhead ponytail girl already standing beside me. She wears a flirty smile on her face, evidently trying to seduce me.
Like a man I was, I straightly scanned her up and down in a quick glance. I caught her wearing a black willow one-shoulder dress that's barely covering her ass.
If this was my first night at the club, I would take her just right here, but the next thing I know, I shift my glances and start to search for Dean again.
I know.
I know I'm not being myself but I couldn't care less.
I'm no longer interested.
Just then, I heard the girl groan to herself and within seconds, she was already walking away.
I let out a heavy sigh which I didn't know I was holding.
"Hey, babe! What are you doing, standing there like a lonely baboon? Do you miss me?" As soon as I heard that voice, I finally relaxed and started to face him with a grin on my face.
There are two girls wrapping their arms around both of his shoulders and he's walking towards me like a proud man who earns everything.
I rolled my eyes because hey... that's what he used to do now and then. Nothing changed or so I thought.
"As you are late, you get no girls from me. But I'm sure you have no problem getting on your own," he winks as he talks.
Hmm. Maybe not tonight, Dean.
"Girls, can we have some privacy?" I turned to both of the girls, smiling genuinely hoping they would buy it which they did. They begin to unwrap their arms from Dean before he's whining like a freaking baby.
"Oh come on, we just started," he pouted his lips, but I know damn well that he's just teasing me because not long after that he pushes them gently from his side.
"Sorry sweethearts, I'll catch up with you guys later," he says sweetly.
I must say he's good at this.
Before they left us alone, both of the girls gave him kisses on his cheek and blew me another flirtatious smile which I no longer found interesting.
I don't know.
It just happens that I'm getting bored with these games. Women come and go and then you'll just keep wasting time with them even though you knew it was all meaningless.
But now that I am getting familiar with it, I'm getting sick of it.
So yeah, I want something new. I need a challenge.
"You better have something important than those chicks," he turns to me as soon as they're gone.
I burst into a small laugh before I said, "I owed you drinks, remember?"
His eyes are quickly glazing in excitement, "Cool! I want the Budweiser," he said cheekily.
So, both of us walk towards the counter before I ask the bartender for our drinks.
"So, what's up?" Dean raised his eyebrows as the bartender served us our drinks. "I saw you push aside that hot redhead ponytail girl, just now," he continued, then took a shot.
I shrugged. "I'm just tired, I guess,"
He looked at me for a moment before he continued, "Long day?"
I nodded. "Yeah, lots of concerts."
I sipped my drinks before I continued when he didn't say anything, "Have you ever wanted to just... you know... be like a normal guy?"
"Trust me, we ain't that different," he answered straight, and I know he's referring to our situation right now.
So I explained, "No, I mean..normal like no concert to perform. No fans to take care of. Just you know a normal guy does,"
He takes another shot before asking, "And what is that?"
I think for a while before replying.
" I...I have no idea," I sigh defeatedly. Dean raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything.
So I continued, "I don't know Dean. These things, drinks, girls, money, popularity..it's just kind of the same every f*cking day. It was as if we were living in a loop of these things surrounding us. Don't you ever think, to want something...something that isn't they?"
He stared at me for a while, like he's trying to brainstorm my previous words, before answering firmly, "I do."
From the look on his face, I couldn't clearly read him but somehow I know there's more...so I wait.
"I do want something that isn't there," he proceeds.
"I do want to be like other guys where you could just do whatever you want without being exposed to the media. I do want to be just an average guy where they can just hang out and play sports with their friends, where they can go off to college that they want to.
Hell, I don't know what I'm talking about, but damn, I want to! I want to know how it feels to go to the college of your choice, I want to know how it feels when your parents scolded you for doing something terrible, and I want to know how it feels when there are people who don't like you. I want all of those things, but you know what? We ain't going to get that because we are celebrities. And we won't need that anymore because we already have everything that we need. "
Another thing that I like about Dean is that we always shared the same thoughts.
"So you feel it too?" I questioned.
"All the time, dude," he takes another shot. "Listen, no matter how much we want to be just a normal person, we'll still have it along with us all the time. So, why waste time trying to get things that are impossible while we had already got everything else? Just enjoy life, man," he lets a small laugh. "Here, get more drinks," he gestured to me for another bottle but my mind was everywhere.
I keep thinking about what he said to me. Well, damn, I guess he's true. No matter how many times I want to run from this life, I'll still get these publicities all the time.
Maybe, Dean's right..maybe, I just need to enjoy this life after all..and maybe, that's all I need.
"Give me another bottle of whiskey,"
A/N: There'll be a continuation in the next chapter
