Pregnant.
Have you ever stared at a word for so long that the letters begin to merge together, blurring in your vision?
The hold I have on the white stick that has changed my life forever tightens and I feel my knuckles tense with the pressure. My eyes drift across the test result before flickering over to my boyfriend, Jake Melvin. He's watching me with fear in his usually bright blue eyes. His face drains of colour and he remains frozen to the spot —
"What does it say?" Jake murmurs quietly as his entire family stands in the doorway of the bathroom in complete shock, too stunned to speak. I don't need to look back down at the result to double check, the word will forever be carved in my mind.
"It's positive," I whisper in response, watching as the colour completely drains from his face. He stares back at me in complete shock and I continue trembling, unable to hold back my emotions.
"I'm pregnant." I add in disbelief, the words sounding foreign on the tip of my tongue. Jake and I are barely adults. . . How can we be responsible for an entire other human being?
"You should do another test. . . incase it's wrong." Jakes mother, Michelle says to me. I shake my head and hold up the test I'd took previously with the same result written on it.
"I've taken two. I'm definitely pregnant."
"Well damn." Tobias responds, breaking the silence. His dark eyes wonder over to me before flickering over to Jake who hasn't moved an inch. I turn to look at him, worrying thoughts filling my head.
"Jake?" I whisper, feeling a tear slide down my cheek. It rolls onto my bottom lip and I reach up, hastily wiping it away. Jake doesn't respond for several moments, too stunned to move or speak. Eventually he murmurs four words under his breath, darting out of the bathroom and down the stairs. I hear the front door bang and his presence immediately disappears. His words continue to repeat over and over again in my head —
"I need some space."
*****
Jake's POV —
I pace through the dark streets, my mind a bundled up mess of confusion. The image of Emily crouched down on the bathroom floor holding the pregnancy test is etched inside my mind and I can't shake it from my thoughts. . .
I'm going to be a father.
My own left me when I was young and I'd grown up without a father figure. I'd recently left a gang that controlled my life for years and I was still recovering from the traumatic events of the past few months. My life isn't stable and definitely not stable enough for a child . . .
"Wrong timing. Complete wrong timing." I mutter to myself, running a hand over my face. My feet involuntarily takes me to a small area where I spent most of my childhood. As I turn the corner, my eyes land on the small gated off park in front of me. As children, Tobias and I spent hours creating imaginary games in here.
Looking at it years later, I almost laugh at the simplicity of it. A double swing set and a beaten down rusted swing completes the park's entertainment source and I marvel at how children are able to create the best memories with the most basic of items.
I head over to the swing in the far corner, dropping down onto it. My mind wonders back to Emily and I feel my heart tighten inside my chest as I picture her worried expression. Her large brown eyes filled with fear and dread that I couldn't fix. . .
I bow my head, feeling the weight of the world land itself on my shoulders. I've only been with her for months but I already know she's the one. When you know, you know. It's the way your heart reacts when you're around them or at the thought of them. It's the flutters in my stomach when she touches me or smiles in my direction. I smile faintly in the dark night at the memories I'd already created with her.
I breathe in sharply, feeling the cold air circle through my lungs and allow me to breathe easier. I push back on the swing, bending my legs in an awkward position so they don't scrape along the floors.
"I hate tiny seats," I mutter under my breath.
"If you swing high, it won't matter."
I almost jump out of my skin and my head snaps to the sound of the voice. I squint in the dark, my eyes falling on a small figure crouched next to the bin. My eyes widen as I take in her petite form, shivering in the cold. It's almost 1am on Christmas morning. . .
What is a child doing outside in the cold?
"Hey," I say softly, not wanting to scare her away. I glance around worriedly, looking for her parents or an adult. The area is completely deserted.
"What are you doing out here on your own?"
"I'm playing," the little girl replies light heartedly, shuffling away from the bin. The street lamp above her illuminates her features and I immediately breathe in sharply as I study her.
She appears to be around four or five years old and dressed in a red knitted dress with a picture of a duck on the front. Despite the frostiness of the night air, she doesn't wear a coat or a hat to keep her warm. Her dark hair is wild and tangled but it's her face that causes me to freeze in awe.
Her complexion is warm with full lips and high cheekbones. Even at such a young age, I know she'll grow up to be beautiful. Her eyes are dark in the night light, large and protected with thick black lashes. She stares at me so innocently as I study her features, realising how much she reminds me of Emily. The resemblance is truly shocking. I stand up off the swing and lower my hood off my head.
My eyes never leave hers and the more I look, the more I feel drawn in and almost spun into a trance.
"Who are you?" I murmur, taking a small step forward before crouching down so I'm eye level with her. It's freezing conditions out here, no place for a child.
"I'm Ruby," she smiles at me, sitting cross legged on the floor in front of the bin. Her hands play with broken sticks in front of her.
"Hi Ruby, I'm Jake." I smile at her, overwhelmed with sadness. I shake my head at the sight of her, wondering where her parents are and how they haven't noticed her missing.
"Do you have a family Ruby? A home I can take you back to?" I ask. Ruby shakes her head, the smile never leaving her face. She draws circles in the mud by her feet and seems to be fascinated by them, her eyes following the action of her hand.
"Do you have a family?" She suddenly asks me, dropping the stick and staring at me deeply, brown eyes shining in the dark. I blink and take a step back, feeling her words hit me straight in the gut. A deep lump lodges itself inside my throat and I nod slowly, feeling uneasiness settle upon me. She's now watching me, her head tilted to the side and I frown at the aura around her. . .
Weird.
Goosebumps erupt over my arms and I shudder, feeling like her gaze is staring deep inside my soul. I stand up, swallowing the lump in my throat and put some distance between Ruby and I.
"What's wrong? Don't you like your family?" She asks me innocently, filling the silence between us. Her eyes are fixated on mine, never once blinking. My mind wander off to Emily and the baby she's carrying this very moment.
Do I want this baby? Am I ready to be a father?
Emily and I haven't spoken a word about a possible family together in the future. I know I definitely want kids but the thought of having one so soon makes it all too real for me. Emily's sweet face flashes through my mind, her large innocent brown eyes and full lips. The smile on her face as I make her laugh or blush. I smile at the image of her, still feeling the same excitement as when I first fell in love with her. I don't think I'd ever lose that feeling, it's too pure and rare to fade.
"No, I do like my family," I murmur. We may not have been together for years but every day I spend with Emily, we grow closer. Quickly she became my family, someone I couldn't imagine life without. I've confided in her, told her all of my secrets and tore down my walls to show her my vulnerable side. I love her unconditionally and open myself to be loved by her. I'll always protect her fiercely no matter what.
"So what's the problem?" Ruby replies, frowning as she can't understand the dilemma I'm facing.
"I don't know if I'm ready," I reveal, the truth finally slapping me hard in the face. The little girl stands to her feet, dusting off her hands. Throughout her every move, her eyes never leave mine and I can't bring myself to look away either. Ruby gives me a small smile, large eyes sparkling brightly despite the darkness of the night —
"You are ready."
Her words are soft, warm. I frown as I realise she cant possibly have a clue what I'm talking about . . .
So why does it feel like she does?
I stare at her harder, my eyes studying her as I stand rooted to the spot. She seems to look amused at my reaction, her lips turning up further in a smile.
"Merry Christmas Jake," she says before turning and walking away into the dark, disappearing right before my eyes. Moments pass and I finally snap out of my daze, realising I need to find her before the temperature drops any further. Small snowflakes begin falling from the sky and litter my shoulders, melting to water.
"Ruby!" I yell out in the dark, following the path I saw her disappear down. It's completely deserted, no sign of a single soul. I feel my heart beat faster as I scan the area, desperately looking for the little girl who simply vanished into thin air.
How can that be possible?
Oddly I feel calm about the thoughts running through my head, my body relaxed and at peace. Ruby's words run through my mind as I eventually give up searching for her and walk home. I shake my head in confusion, feeling exhausted and drained from the day's events.
There is no way in hell I'll ever forget this Christmas Eve.
