"Stop struggling. I know you like it. Denying it will lead you nowhere."
"W-what made you think I ever liked you doing this?" Her voice broke, subtle to hear as tears streamed down her porcelain cheeks.
"Please... Don't," her trembling lips opened forcing to let out words in disagreement, hoping it would save her.
"Ah, the words of plea." Her eyes and body were locked with his, dreaded with his very presence and actions that all she could do was fall into tears.
"Now, let me remind you of how dirty you are..."
—
A repeating tune coming from an alarm clock with an arm distance from her bed, loud enough to be heard even up to the kitchen doors caused her wake.
"It was a d-dream. Or it would more to be taken as a nightmare," she heaved a sigh and wiped the tears her nightmare caused.
Slipping into her slippers, she caught sight of the calendar above her study. The only dates important to her were the weekdays containing the appointments she needed to tend to. For some reason, she hated the holidays even the day she was birthed by her biological mother.
She took a peek at the window and saw flakes of snow starting to pile up and cover the lawn. "Ah, so it's that time of the year."
After taking a shower, she wore casual and well-fitting clothes of the colors black for the bottom and white for the top. Then immediately went to the garage, into her 5 year-old red Chevrolet, and departed.
—
It was a 30-minute drive to her very own clinic though she preferred to have it be called an office, a kroom.
Her aura changed or it would be better to say she became a completely different person. A smile crept to her face, her eyes scintillated, and her before droopy shoulders had now perked.
"Good morning, Doc Hilston!" A male of about 7 feet greeted her.
"Good morning, Malachi. What's in it for me today?" She asked as her gaze wounded up on the pile of papers Malachi was holding.
"You got 20 sessions in the morning and 5 in the evening, doc."
"Well, let's get a head start, shall we?"
—
She is Lalin Hilston, a clinical psychologist. And that was her intern, Malachi Avestone. Lalin is a 23 year old beauty with exceptional knowledge and perceptions in life. You could say she is a hypocritical liar or a goody-two shoes. But that is what keeps her on her toes and it never inconveniences anyone.
In Lalin's case, her job is what keeps her sane. In other words, it keeps her sane because the reality transpires that she is not the only one going through a whole lot.
Is it self-serving? Egoistical?
—
"D-doc? Ma'am? Uhm what should I call you?"
"Feel free to call me in the pronouns and title you're most comfortable with. Don't be too nervous. Just think of this place as a safe space or most preferably your own room," Lalin spoke casually with a smile.
It was a 15 year old girl with a disheveled hair wearing a gray jacket and black tight jeans.
"I'll t-try. I just don't like a four-cornered room with tall white walls or nearly white walls," she spoke with her head hung down.
"Wanna go outside? There's a park nearby. We can go. I bet the neighborhood lights look absolutely nice and calming," she offered.
"We can?? I've been to other doctors or what you call psychologists but they would end up confining me in what they call the 'pink room' and I don't like it that much," her lips formed into an upside down line as she spoke.
"Yeah of course, and don't think of me as a doctor or anyone big. You can have me as a buddy or a friend who's going in the same situation as you."
"Same situation as me?" Confusion was written over the teen's face.
"Yep, so let's go outside. I kind of miss the feeling of the night breeze," she led the way and the teen followed.
—
"Ah, man! I miss being here!" She shouted that made her companion jolt from the swing.
"Ah sorry, hahaha. It just feels so nostalgic, don't you think? By the way, I still haven't caught your name."
"I'm Adeline," she timidly said.
"That's a nice name. Mine's Lalin and it means the moon."
"Woah, that's so cool!"
"I know, right? Haha, but at the same time the moon is lame."
"Why is the moon lame? Almost everyone I know likes the moon. It even has the most designs when it comes to merchandises."
"Independent? In what way?" Curiousity and doubt was evident in the teen's tone. It was quite intriguing for someone to say.
"The moon cannot shine on it's own. It's just actually a huge ball of rock floating in the galaxy. It has ugly craters and dark deep holes as well," sighing, she kicked off a few pebbles when the swinging power of hers piped down.
"It needs the sun. And in the right angle it deflects light and that's the moonlight that we witness. Given that it is quite some distance from our planet to the sun, the strength or the light emitted by the sun which is deflected by the moon gradually decreases and softens. That's why it's harmless but in special cases it is harmful to other people," she continued.
The teen chuckled, "you're quite the nerd, aren't you?"
"I am, actually."
"Pfft, hahaha."
Both broke into quite the fit of a laughter. It was a nice company for the teenager.
"I... I have worries for the present and for the future," she started.
"It pressures me. The doubts, expectations... Future speculations. I have panic attacks more oftentimes than I should. Anxiety serves as my shackles and then I fall into depression." She spoke softly, probably holding her voice firm from breaking.
"Shouldn't you tell them what's worrying you so they could adjust?"
"I did. But it worsened me. I could feel the pity from their stares as they hold back from their words even to rephrasing those into much nicer ones. I want to be treated normally as of they would do with others," the tears she was holding at bay broke free one by one.
"Hey," Lalin called out to her.
A kind smile was etched on the taller's face, "you know what? Just do your thing and try to disregard them. If you can't take it anymore then cry."
"...you say it that easily because you've never been in my shoes," Adeline let out a painful chuckle.
"This may sound cliché but let me just tell you that it's okay to be not okay. It's okay to be crazy. It's okay to be uptight. But, what's not okay is to drown in it way too much. You know what? Drowning is sometimes comforting but drowning more than you actually should is scary. It's dark in there," her eyes now showed such distant in a dark monochromatic brown tone.
"Don't even try to relate just so I can warm up to you. Mom just paid you for a session!"
"Remember when I told you that I am in the same situation as you? That was no lie. In this line of work I'm in, I can adjust to the people I see everyday because I have been in their shoes, probably a little on the line of the hardest ones," she chuckled as a pang of pain struck her chest.
"You're exaggerating."
"I possibly be? I possibly not? Haha, or probably just the same as yours, if ever."
Adeline laughed and so did Lalin.
"Maybe I'll take what you said into consideration," the teen spoke.
"After everything that I have said you will just take it into consideration? Ouch, that hurts," Lalin acting silly and hurt made the latter burst into laughter again.
"What else is bothering you, Adeline? You're pretty tense and the wall you made looks indestructible. Care to share?"
"It's okay if you don't want to tell me. Some wound scabs are better off left alone. Scratching it will just worsen it's state. Oh sorry, is it okay to put it like that?"
"Haha, yes, it's fine."
"But if you ever feel like telling, call me. Let's grab a cup of coffee and breathe. I can be your sister or just a random person you feel comfortable to, unless you're not haha," the mood was now better than before. Adeline was warming to Lalin.
"Thank you so much. I guess I just needed someone to talk to. To help keep my sanity," this time– Adeline's smile looked natural and genuine.
"Don't worry about it. You know what they say that it's better to talk and tell a stranger a secret or two. Why? They don't know you and neither would they judge you," Lalin added.
"Talking to you actually helped a lot. You were different from the 10 psychologists I met," her intonation spoke more than she could express, that Adeline herself was grateful.
"Ten?!"
"Hahaha yes, ten!"
"Damn, that's a lot of peoples and sessions."
"I know, right? It's tiring to keep talking to absurd people with unreasonable ideals or maybe it just didn't sat well with me, haha."
