I was only sixteen when I first started to work in this business.
That day, a drizzling rain was falling, and I was wandering alone at the train station. The atmosphere was damp and full of noise. With my dirty hand held out, I was begging the passer-by's for any little thing, money or food. Hunger had blurred my vision.
That was when Grain, that’s what we called her, appeared. She crouched at the side of the road with a bowl of instant noodles, her face glistening with oil and making noises as she ate. She watched the crowds as they came and went. When she saw me standing in front of her, swallowing saliva, she chastised me, "If you want to eat, go earn it yourself. Just spread your legs and the money will flow."
She was the first person I had met after leaving my small mountain village. She taught me the first fundamental principle of life: fight for what you want as no one can do it for you.
Grain, just a few years older than me, scrutinized me from head to toe. She cleared her nose, somewhat congested from eating the instant noodles, and then she marched me into a restroom.
Once inside, she briefly set down the rules for me. She was in the business of selling flesh. The train station was a bustling place; it was a good spot to make quick cash.
I didn’t fully understand what she meant by "selling flesh”, it wasn’t until she smirked and said it was just a night's sleep that I started to feel suspicious.
"What're you staring at? Today's going to be easier than you think. Forty minutes maximum, and you'll earn money. So do you want to make money or not?" Grain glared at me as though she was a seasoned hustler.
I was intimidated by her spirit. Worried she'd not let me partake in her business, I quickly nodded in agreement.
After I nodded, Grain took a basic black vest and a very short pair of shorts out of her bag and handed them to me to put on.
Once I changed and came out, she picked up a half-empty bottle of shampoo from a corner, handed it to me with a cheerful face, and told me to quickly wash up.
After I finished washing up, she confidently told me that even though I hadn’t fully matured, I had a decent face and figure and should fetch a good price. But the crucial aspect was that I was young. Many men who loitered around the train station would appreciate that.
"At what price approximately?" I asked, still naive and oblivious to everything that was going on as Grain, the experienced pro, guided me. Yet, there was a feeling of gratitude towards her. She was helping me despite my lack of skills and even provided me with clothes. The clothes I had been wearing before were disgustingly dirty and unbearable to look at.
"About fifty to sixty yuan," she said. "Once you find a customer, you'll need to give twenty yuan to Sister Qiao for room service. She has a place where you can... get to work. Of course, you need to give me fifteen yuan as a service fee for my efforts." Grain added, placing her hand on my shoulder confidently.
I widened my eyes to look at Rice, who wore a poor quality powder on her face that crumbled and fell off whenever she talked.
Within the hour since I met Rice, she taught me my second lesson: there's no such thing as a free lunch in this world, and nobody would be nice to you for no reason.
After Rice tidied me up, she led me out of the restroom, approaching and chatting up any man she saw while winking and gesturing at me. The men stared at me with ill intentions, occasionally licking their lips, their perverse actions making me extremely uncomfortable.
Just then, a train stopped and a throng of people alighted, creating a scene of bustling crowds in the train station. It was a sight to behold, an impenetrable mass of people crowding the station.
And among them, Rice flitted back and forth like a graceful butterfly, laughing and chatting in front of various men.
Soon enough, Rice led a man, a bulky man in his thirties, in camouflage attire with excessively long trousers that were muddied, towards me. He didn't seem to mind the muddiness. Carrying a snakeskin bag, he grinned at me, a sheepish and crafty smile on his face.
Rice pulled me aside and handed me 25 yuan, whispering to me that the man sells herbs in the city, and she had convinced him to take a maiden for a spin. She had bargained for quite some time to get to 60 yuan.
The desires of midnight mixed with the damp surrounding air began to sprawl. I glanced at the man in front of me – his eyes were hazy, never once leaving me since he laid eyes on me. I suddenly felt blush burn on my cheeks, an unease spreading through my body. Back in the countryside, no man ever stared so intently at me. They all considered me bad luck.
When Rice guided us into Sister Qiao’s flat, Sister Qiao was at the counter cracking melon seeds and watching TV. When Rice handed the money to her, she didn't even look up, simply pulling out a key from her waist and tossed it to Rice.
It was a small lodge with several rooms. As soon as we stepped into the corridor, we could hear the moans of many women. They all seemed to be enduring some kind of pain, as if someone was searing their feet with a candle. The sounds made me feel inexplicably oppressed and terrified.
As I lowered my head to pass by a wooden door, I was startled by sudden thumps coming from within, the rhythmic slapping sounds likened to someone slapping another person's face. To seemingly confirm my wild thoughts, the moaning from behind the door suddenly escalated, the woman's cry full of pent-up emotions, erupting in short but high-pitched moans.
The sound recalled a pressure cooker I'd seen at my relative's house, filled with a whole plump chicken. When the water boiled, the aroma of the chicken rushed out through the exhaust – a similar whoosh. For some unknown reason, my legs felt light, a strange aching sensation building between my thighs. This made me fall behind Rice, who reached out to tug at me, whispering irritably "What are you thinking, kiddo? Come on, hurry..."
Before she could finish her sentence, the panting from within intensified, reminiscent of a harsh bellow from a broken bellows. The man's growl was audible, "I'll f*ck you to death, you little slut."
Upon hearing this, all the nerves in my body tightened, an odd surge of emotions exploded within me, causing my legs to instinctively clench together.
It was at this time that something felt off, and I anxiously asked Mi Li while tugging at the corner of her clothes, "Why are these people screaming like this?"
Mi Li gave me a mischievous smirk, "Don't be scared, you'll understand in a bit. I guarantee it'll be an experience that leaves you longing for more."
Before I had a chance to respond, she pushed me into a small room not exceeding five square meters. The room was very rudimentary with a messy bed as its only fixture. A dim lamp hung from the roof, attracting a swarm of moths and mosquitoes.
The man in camouflage followed closely, shutting the door firmly behind him. The moment the door closed, I saw greed flicker in his eyes.
I was scared and instinctively began to retreat, but he kept advancing, "Little girl, don't be afraid. The uncle will treat you well."
Regret washed over me suddenly. I didn't know what would happen next, but I smelt danger. I cowered, thinking of leaving, but before I could utter a word about refunding his money, he pounced, throwing me onto the bed and pinning me down.
I was about to scream for help, but his lips fiercely sealed mine. His fetid garlic breath filled my mouth and nostrils, making my stomach churn.
His strength was alarmingly immense. In an instant, he tore off the little vest Mi Li had given me. As my body lay bare before him, I screamed, biting down hard on the mouth that was pressing against mine.
He yelped in pain, and a slap landed on my face. "Damn, I paid good money for you, and it's not for you to play around. Behave, or I'll beat you to death."
He looked ruthless, completely different from the man I first met. His blow had me immediately submissive, and my body began to tremble.
I was scared.
When he started undressing, my body froze completely. Even a simpleton could tell that he wanted much more than just a good night's sleep. I cursed at Mi Li internally, she had taught me an important lesson: never trust anyone easily, even yourself.
When the man in camouflage climbed onto me, stark naked, and started tugging at my trousers, I yelled for help again; despite knowing that he would hit me, I did not wish to yield to him. I had a gnawing feeling that what awaited me was far worse than a beating.
But my scream earned me another slap. A nosebleed instantly followed his blow. Ignoring it, he grips my jaw and threatened me, "If you make any further fuss, I'll make you wish you were dead."
Back then, I couldn't fathom why he was so brazen. It was much later that I understood. In his eyes, I was nothing more than a whore, devoid of dignity or humanity, despicable to the core.
The moment his body pressed down on me again, my pants had already been stripped off. His sweaty body was sticking to my bare one. Due to an instinctual response, I was pushing him away, biting him, but to no avail. Any resistance from me seemed like a minor inconvenience to him.
Just when every inch of my body groaned in despair, a sudden knock resounded from outside the door - frantic and intense.
It was a police raid. Upon hearing the noise, the man in camouflage quickly tried to grab his clothes and escape through the window. However, the police had already burst in, catching him red-handed. They pulled me off the bed, a bare-naked figure huddling on the edge, and threw me their own clothes with a look of disgust, ordering me to put them on.
After being dragged into the hallway, I got a clear view of the men on one side and the women on the other, all crouching next to the door with their hands over their heads. The alternating red and blue police lights were illuminating my face, leaving me stunned.
After leaving the police station, Millet was waiting nervously by the door. As soon as she saw me, she rushed up, looking me over and asking if I was okay.
At that moment, I realized that she had set me up, and I pushed her away immediately.
She looked a bit taken aback, then sheepishly apologized. "I had no idea the police would raid us. I've been doing this for months and have never experienced anything like this."
"This is prostitution, you pushed me right into the fire," I shouted at her, furious. A kind officer had already warned me that my actions were illegal and disgraceful. I broke down crying, insisting to him that I knew nothing and had been scammed.
He sighed after my explanation, shaking his head helplessly, but eventually, the record of prostitution was noted on my file.
After hearing my accusation, Millet suddenly laughed. Under the street lights, her smile looked sad yet beautiful, and I thought she was crazy. I determined never to deal with her again and walked away.
She caught up and grabbed me. "In this dirty world, only by living with dignity can you avoid blindness, viciousness, and keep moral restraints. But what do you have now?"
I didn't quite understand her words, looking at her hair mangled by the wind. All I wanted was to escape from this place. When I thought about the mocking gazes of the police and bystanders, that my body had been seen naked, every pore in my body opened with humiliation.
When I left the train station, I understood Millet's three principles, carried a record of prostitution, and — oh, I had twenty-five bucks, mercy left for me by the cop.
