Pillar was a normal quiet American city.It wasn’t a big city yet it wasn’t a small town. It was big enough that you didn’t know everyone and people didn’t know your business. It was a small enough city that you were could always running into a friendly face. It was a warm and friendly place to live. It seemed like nothing excited ever happened. The most exciting things that happened in Pillar was when a 85 year old women drove into Pete’s snack and gas. She got confused which was the brake and gas. 5 years later and people are still talking about the incident.There was the snowstorm of ’08 that the town acts happened yesterday. We were hit with 4 feet of snow and everyone acts like it was Armageddon. It was a uneventful place to live. People went to work, had families and bbq’s on Saturdays. There were white picket fences and it seemed like everyone has a pet. It was not without its crime yet it was the normal crime you can to expect, robbery, teenagers being stupid and drug related crimes. There was nothing out of the ordinary except that Mr. Thomas’ property. Mr.Thomas kept to himself and barely left the house. He was always quite and avoided contact with anyone. There was one family that he was always kind to, the Dolphs. He seem to light up when they were near, very different than is usual deminor. He appeared to be a cranky old recluses to the town, however the Dolph family knew him differently. He was always friendly, helping with carrying groceries or waving hello as they walked down his street. They thought of him as a kind old man. The Dolph family didn’t know him very well but always enjoyed seeing the smile on his face. The grass on his property was as tall as a dog and all his trash piled up along the house. His tall lawn filled was filled with trinkets and statues that were barely peering out of the grass. He had collections of books and magazines piled up as high as the roof of the porch. The property hadn’t been cleaned in 20 years at least. The Homeowners association spent years trying to get the city to force him to clean it up. It was the most distinguished thing in Pillar.
Conreina Dolph was born and lived in Pillar most of her life. She lived in the same house her whole life, the tiny grey house with the red roof on the corner. Nothing was ever changed or updated on the house as long as she could remember. She grew in the house with her mother, Amelia. Her father had passed when she was very young. It was something that her mother never talked about, Conreina didn’t even know how he died. Her friends growing up were the same her whole life, from first grade till she graduated high school. Her whole life she longed to leave Pillar and live a life of adventure. She always felt like she was destined for something better than Pillar. She was lucky enough to get a full ride scholarship and move away for college. Her senior year of college she met her future husband. He was tall and scrawny. He was kind, gentle and always made her laugh. He had a sarcastic sense of humor that she got better than anyone. After college, they got married in her college town.She thought her life of adventure had finally began. They moved all over the place, never really settling anywhere. She got the opportunity to see the world for many years but never got the opportunity to feel at home and make any lasting friendships. She enjoyed seeing different places yet she always felt alone and isolated. Life was great at first but as time went on things began to unfold. The next thing she knew she was running away and returning home to her boring life in Pillar. Her life was crazy and going home was safe and comfortable, exactly what she needed.
She had always been a “good girl”. From her earliest memory, she had always done what was expected of me. She was always quite and predictable.She never was comfortable in my own skin, always feeling like there was something more to me. There was so much inside that she kept hidden and she ALWAYS was in control. She never drank and considered every word before it was spoken. She never let loose, never allowed herself to be comfortable. She never got wild not even as a teenager. She never let myself get angry or feel too angry. AS long as she could remember, she found a way to controlled every emotion, feeling and action. She never let herself free, forcing most of herself deep inside her. She always felt like a caged animal, though she longed to be free she never unlocked the cage. She felt like something dark inside me, something she should never let out. It was the only “gift” her father gave her and even as a child knew it should never be let out. It had to be something he’d given me. Her mother was like an angel, so kind and sweet. She had been through a lot in her life and managed to keep her angel like spirit. Her father on the other hand, not so much, he was mean, jealous and spiteful. He had died when she was young but she knew enough about him to know who he really was. She had struggled with his death in many ways over the years. As a child, she longed to have a father. As she grew older, her anger and hatred grew for him. She had learned more about him, what he had done to her mother and who he really was. She was happy he wasn’t in her life but always felt it was unfinished. There was so much she wanted to say to him but she would never get the chance. As she grew older, she understood the world better and her anger and resentment for him grew. She no longer wanted a father, she was happy he was gone. She didn’t know what the darkness in my pit was but she always knew it couldn’t come out. She knew how mean and violent her father was, it was that part of him that was deep inside her. She wasn’t really sure what was inside of her but she knew it was from him. She often wondered what the darkness was, considering she was possibly a serial killer. Maybe she liked to hurt people or maybe its just pure evil inside. it was locked away and he plan was to always keep it that way. It also meant any part of who Conreina was that might open the darkness, had to be locked away too. These parts had to never came out to play either. She was a good girl, at least on the outside, but she never listened to others and no one controlled her. She was independent, never going to rely or listen to a man. She would never be like her mother was with her father She was never going to live in fear again either. She knew what she was suppose to do so she just did it. It was easier than being put in a situation where the caged part of her might have an opportunity to come out. If she told me to do it, then she sure as hell wasn’t doing it. She knew what she was always suppose to do so she just acted the way that was expected. She was defiant when she wanted to be. She liked to beat to her own drum, independent and free. What went on internally was always different than what was presented on the surface. Who she was and who she acted to be were two different people. Never showing her true self to anyone, even her husband. She was always wearing a mask, hiding her true self. She believed that she would never really be able to be herself.
